Thanksgiving Eve

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, 'cept maybe an unwanted mouse,

The turkey was brining on the deck in a bucket with care,

In hopes that our whole cray-awesome fam soon would be there,

The Lindstedts were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of green bean casserole danced in their heads,

Kelly in her sweats, and Ryan his old smelly cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

We sprang from my bed to see what was the matter,

Away to the window we flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash,

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,

When what to our wondering eyes did appear,

But our turkey out-of-bucket running in fear,

With a massive raccoon so lively and quick,

Following our bird looking for a tasty nip,

More rapid than eagles that 'coon was in chase,

"But that turkey is mine!" I bellowed in bass,

So up to the housetop the bird and 'coon flew,

With Ryan and I following too,

We heard them up there all in a hustle,

I grabbed my glass of wine and got ready for a tussle,

And then, in a twinkling, I saw it go down,

That son of a B was going to take my bird and get outta town,

As I crawled up a ladder and was turning around,

Up came Ryan and dogs with a bound,

With Bridger behind and Luna ahead,

That dumbass 'coon looked on with dread,

That fur-ball dropped our turkey and fled in a hurry,

While we checked over our bird with such very great worry,

But to our delight it was perfectly fine,

Ready to go back in and finish the brine,

Just as we headed back to our super warm bed,

I noticed an odd thing that has stuck in my head,

Our turkey he sighed in his bucket-y home,

With much less to worry about after his roam,

I heard him exclaim as he chilled out of sight,

“Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!”

When all is said and done:  Remember to be thankful.  Not just for what you have, who you know, or how you live... but for the cross and everlasting peace.

Happy Thanksgiving friends and fam!  

Love!

Beauty And Not The Beast - Best Beauty Buys

I can't help it.  I love beauty and fashion.  Everything that sparkles... Ryan says I'm like a monkey (mostly lovingly ;)), show me something that's shiny and I would give my left arm to get it!

I keep getting asked what I use for beauty products, and have promised a blog entry on it a million times over, but due to my excessive procrastination, this is just now happening.

But, better late than never right? Right!

Before we get started though, you need to know my beauty philosophy:  I love to get all dolled up.  LOVE it.  But, I do not subscribe to the belief that it must be done each and every single day. I also reaaaaaaaaaaally LOVE my sweats and fresh-face days, in fact, just as much as my glam days.  I wouldn't say I'm low maintenance, but I'm definitely not a walking Cosmo ad either :)

So, to that point, I haven't put in all of the crazy stuff that I use irregularly, because honestly, that list could go on for miiiiiiiiiiiiles, I've just included what I use day-to-day, one might call them my "can't-live-withouts" :)

Hair

Shampoo and Conditioner - Redkin All Soft 
This stuff is superb.  My hair is always super soft and not greasy, love it!  It's not cheap, but Ulta usually has a 2 for 1 deal every couple of months and it saves you a ton.  I promise, it's worth it!

Thickening Spray - Bumble and Bumble Thickening Hair Spray
Ok, so, admittedly this stuff isn't for everyone.  If you're blessed with super thick or curly hair, this wouldn't be great for you.  However, if you have more fine hair like I do, this will def help give you more body - some big sexy hair!  Bonus, it lasts forevs.

Hair Spray - Tresemme Extra Firm Control (4)
Girls gotta have her "STAY!" spray, right?!  This stuff is it, and it's cheap!  Can't beat that :)

Highlights - Revlon Frost and Glow
Here's the thing, I have THE BEST hair goddess who always makes me feel gorg... But, sometimes I need a little change up in between salon visits, and this little guy is my very best friend for that.  Always does a great job, super easy to use, and cheap.  LOVE!  Also, if you're going for an ombre look (which is what I always do), it's super easy to use this.  No need to get one of those silly kits - just get this stuff, pick out the sections that you want to do and back comb them so that there is an uneven distribution of where the bleach hits the hair.  Works every single time.  See the pic below of what I just did yesterday!

Make Up

Mascara - BadGal Lash

Ok, seriously.  If I could only have one beauty product for the rest of my life, mascara would be it.  I am OBSESSED with it.  And this IS the best mascara out there.  I promise you, it is seriously TheBest.  And you can trust me because I have tried pretty much every single mascara out there - just ask my hubby ;)  A relatively close second is They're Real mascara, which is pretty rad as well, but is a little too over the top to be my go-to lasher.

Blush - Lorac Pro in Plum Passion

And, if I could only have two beauty products (see above), this would be the second. Hands down.  You can basically tell if I'm having a crappy day by how much blush I am wearing.  Why?  Because blush makes me happy.  I don't know why, I'm sure there is some psychosomatic reason why, maybe ask Freud...?  But it makes me smile.  So, on a crappy day, the blush comes out, and it comes out hard. This blush is AWESOME!  It's the perfect color, it stays on my skin all day, and the container last forever!  I've had my current one for 6 months, and I use it like it's going out of style!

Lip Stuff  - Cherry Chapstick

"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her Cherry Chapstick" :)  I know, I know, it's not fancy at all, but I cannot live without this.  Unless it's a VERY special occasion, this is the only thing that touches my lips (besides Ryn ;)).  A little bit of pink and lots of soft lips is all I need!

Cover-up - CoverGirl Clean Invisible Concealer

I refuse to wear foundation.  It makes me feel like my skin is simultaneously suffocating and drying out like a freakin' raisin.  But, I do love a good cover-up, just a little touch up where you need it.  This stuff works.  Really well.  And isn't expensive to boot!  It has had my vote since high school and I'm not giving up on it now!

Eyeliner - Ulta Gel Eyeliner in Blackout 

Love this stuff - clean lines, good smudge, and not too pricey.  And it has to be good, because you know how much I love my modern cat-eye Audrey Hepburn look :)

And that's it - this is all that I wear on the reg.  I love to spice it up every now and then, but I don't have as much time as I used to (Mr. A is a pretty good lil' stylist though...), so these are my staples.

Skin

Lotion - Coconut Oil  

Straight up.  It is the best moisturizer, super cheap, you can use it on your lips, and cook with it too!  It's what I would call a pretty awesome multi-tasker :)

Sunless Tanner - Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer

I know, I know, this stuff probably isn't the best for you, but I still love it.   This lotion rocks, barely smells and really works.  Plus, it's a heck of a lot cheaper than those spray-on places, yucky!

Perfume 

Ok, so I have 3.  Because who can wear just one scent?!

1. Cool Water by Davidoff - I've used this literally since high school.  It is a cheapy, but an oldie and a goody! 

2. Poppy by Coach - This smells aaaaahmazing!  But it can be strong so it's not an every day friend.

3. Ring My Bella by Benefit - This is my go-to buddy, so yummy smelling!  

All of these lil' bottles are delicious, last FOREVER (all of my current bottles are over a year old!), and stay on my skin all day long.  I'm a simple gal, but I still wanna smell yummy :)

Alright, that's the gist of it.  Hopefully I got everything in there that was requested, but if not, shoot me a message and I'll try to add 'er on. 

Happy beauty-huntin'!

E-N-V-Y, you ain't got no alibi!

A couple of weeks ago I overheard something that someone said about me.  Something that I wasn't supposed to hear.  Something that wasn't very nice.  Something that was a little envious.

Though I am, admittedly, obnoxiously loud-mouthed, I actually hate confrontation, so I played it cool and waited for a minute before making my presence known, and acted like I hadn't heard a gosh-darn thing.  And no one was the wiser.

But those words have stuck with me.  Not because they weren't nice, but because of the feeling behind the words.  The envy.  I'm not going to delve into what was said, because 1) I don't think it was intentionally malicious, 2) I've said some pretty dumb things myself (on a fairly regular basis), and 3) I've always said that you will never find me airing dirty laundry on this blog.

When those words were uttered, I think it was a mistake, and we all make those.  There's no need to blast it all over the interwebs.  But, I DO think it's important to talk about the feeling behind the words.

ENVY.

Even the word is kind of frightening.  It gives me shivers a little bit.  And not the good kind.

I see visions of Cinderella's evil step-sisters or the queen from Snow White.  Envy seems so easy to identify and avoid in Disney films, but in real life it's a little harder to pin-point.  It's messy and it's tricky.  In fact, it's downright ugly.

And yet, even though we know it is so very ugly, we've still all tangoed with that green-eyed lil' monster.  And anyone who says that they haven't is probably committing another one of the seven deadlies (I'll give you a hint, it starts with ly- and ends with an -ing).

The big question is - why do we do it?  Why do we give in to it?

Oh if only we could just not, right?  Cuz it's just that simple... ;)

Envy is messy.  Sometimes you're just walking along and see a beautiful house, and the thought just pops into your head that you would love to have that house.  OMG, actually, you would REALLY love to have that house. In fact, you NEED that house, cannot live without it!  And the next thing you know you've Zillowed the crap out of that sucker and have contacted a realtor.  I mean, not that I know this from personal experience or anything... :)  Envy is messy.  It can happen all of the sudden, without you even realizing it.

Envy is tricky.  You know your life is good.  You KNOW that you are blessed.  And yet.  You see that there is more out there.  Something that someone else has.  Something that you want.  Something that, for some reason, you don't have, but they do.  What.The.Heck?  Our brain is at war with our desires - we know that what we have is enough... But. Oh the "buts".

Why can't we just be HAPPY?

Well, actually we can be happy with what we have.  Most of the time.  And when we're not, it's mostly because of what?

Envy's core root?  We think that we should have more.  It's not fair that someone else can afford that car AND that house.  It's not fair that someone can afford to stay at home AND buy that purse.  It's not fair that they have that job (hair, physique, wardrobe, etc....)!  The list could go on and on, and ooooooooooooooon. It's not fair, fair, fair!

Ok, I'm just going to say it to myself, and anyone else who wants to listen.  Get Over IT!

Life is not fair.  Life is not equal.  And that is not an excuse to be envious of everything that every one else has.

But here's the real doozy.  What you have will never be enough.  Unless you let it be.

Did the conversation that I overheard make me sad?  Yes.  But honestly, it was the very best reminder that envy can seep into your life in the most innocent ways.  And it is so very important to guard against it at all costs.

It was also a reminder that we can find unhappiness in the most happy of life circumstances... We can be envious, even if we (seemingly) have it all.  Envy does not discriminate - it will find you, wherever and whoever you are.  Envy is a nasty lil' bugger!

So, I am here to say that I think the only cure for that cray-cray green-eyed monster is gratefulness.  In a month leading up to the celebration of thankfulness, it seems fitting that we actually think about what can lead us away from this wonderful feeling.  And envy is the arch-enemy of thankfulness.  If we are focusing on what we have and how grateful we are for it, it's pretty darn hard to be sulking over what we do not have.

You will not find any witty #allyoushouldbethankfulfor Twitter lists here, but I will say this - I plan to spend the rest of this month focusing on my gratefulness for all that I have, and not on what I do not have.  Because honestly, the list of "Wish I Had's" could go on forever, for the rest of time itself.  But, the list of "What I Have's" is so very fulfilling, that it seems incredibly selfish to think about anything else :)

Happy Thanksgiving month my friends - may November find you grateful and blessed, no matter what your circumstances may be!

El Communicado Manifesto

Alright my lovelies.  It's time to hit this topic.  Hard.

I've been thinking about this one a lot lately, and it's so clearly an important (and often neglected) topic of conversation (Oh irony, you're hilarious) ;)

Let's not beat around the bush:  I am not always the best at communicating with people.  No, wait, scratch that.  Let me rephrase.  Because I am actually really pretty good at communicating with people - but I am not always good at getting back to people in a timely manner...

(GASP!)  What?  No!  (you say).  Yes, it's true....

There are several reasons for this, but none of them include me not caring about the people in my life.  Please, PLEASE, puh-LEASE hear me on this.  If you are in my life, then I care about you, and making you feel like I don't is absolutely the last thing that I want to do.  

But.

Some people just don't get me.  They could've known me for YEARS and still expect a return text or phone call within minutes and are hurt and/or angry when that doesn't happen.  Here's the thing though, I have NEVER been that person.  I mean, really.  Never.  Thirty-one years on this earth and not one of them has seen me being an instantaneous responder.  But, because that is their style and communication timeline, they expect it from others.

And I guess I can't blame them, because it's really our culture.

Our culture, seriously.  Can I just say how ridiculous we are about instant gratification?  We over-communicate in the very worst way.  We FB, Instragram, tweet, swipe, blog (oh hey there again irony, sup?), text, call, link, message, and connect in every possible sort of app out there.  There are literally a hundred ways to communicate with people.  But, even 15 years ago, that was not the case.  And certainly not for thousands of years before that.  I mean, how did people ever survive?!  Without being able to send someone a text and get an immediate response?  Catastrophe must have reigned!  Without instant communication, how would we know if we needed to buy a red onion or a white onion when we forgot our shopping list at home on the kitchen counter?  How would we know if Tom's party moved from Thursday to Friday (and it's ONLY 4 weeks away!)?  And for God's sake, how WOULD WE KNOW if someone just changed their relationship status to "It's complicated"?  Oh the humanity!

Ok, I'm being silly, sure.  I get it, instant communication is actually a pretty good thing sometimes.  Being able to contact someone in an emergency?  Very good thing.  Being able to order a pizza from the grocery store when you've collapsed in a heap on the crate of clearance toilet paper oddly placed in the frozen foods section (don't tell me you've never done this!), having given up on any sort of coherent shopping and all adult budgetary choices?  Uh, yeah, obvi fab.

But, I think we've gone a bit overboard.

Because it's no longer about emergencies and important communication.  Now, it's all about availability.  And expectations that there will be instant contact.  

And because of those things, and the culture that they have created, if that instant contact doesn't happen - we take it personally.  We get hurt, or annoyed, or even worse, angry.  And why?  Because there is an expectation.  I wasn't alive back in the 1800's, but I can pretty much bet that Mary wasn't pissed at Jane when she didn't get a return telegraph from her in a day.  Heck, until the telephone gained popularity, if you didn't live within a few minutes of someone, you probably didn't even SEE them for days (or longer), let alone chat it up.  And did they have any less meaningful relationships than we do now?  Nope, certainly not.

What changed?  Well, technology is the easy answer.  But, it's not the culprit.  Always easy to blame technological advances for our problems, right? :)  I think it was the technology that enabled us, but we were the ones to create a culture that expects - no, DEMANDS - being in constant contact.

And I want to fight back against that.  Not just because I am an introvert, and all of this over-communication is exhausting and not life-giving.  I want to fight back because I think these expectations hurt our relationships.  In fact, I think sometimes they actually cause problems when there weren't any to begin with.  We start making things up in our minds, we start believing things that are totally untrue, and it can tear us apart.

Don't agree with me?  Try this situation on for size...

Sam:  Huh, I texted Lola yesterday and she still hasn't texted me back.  I wonder if she's pissed at me...?  Oh gosh, what did I do?  Hmmm, when did I see her last?  What did I say?  I wonder if it was because I didn't like that Facebook status that she posted a week ago.  Or maybe because I didn't re-tweet that shout out from last month?  Oh no, what if she's seriously mad at me?  I mean, it's been a WHOLE day!

Lola: (Camping for 3 days, no cell phone service, hasn't even seen the text)

Sam: Oh my gosh, it's been TWO DAYS!  She must hate me.  I can tell.  This is the worst.  What am I going to do!?!?!?  Should I text her again?  Or will that piss her off more?  Does she think that I don't care if I don't try to text her again?  Or should I call?  Would that make it worse?  What if I just FB messaged her?  That's like half-way between a call and a text, right?  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Lola : (Still camping...)

Sam:  THREE DAYS!  This is an epic level of anger, I don't know what to do!  Lola must be livid.  I should call.  But will that be too aggressive?  I don't want to make her even more mad!  Alright, I guess we're not friends any more.  Oh gosh, does this mean I'm not going to be in her wedding?  Crap, I'm going to have to try to return that bridesmaid dress...

Lola: (Third day, texts Sam back) "Hey, I was camping, let me know when you wanna catch up."

Sam:  WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!?

Ok, for real, this is a lil' over-dramatic, but honestly, it's not too far off base for some folks. What I am trying to say is that the convenience of talking to people quickly is great.  In fact, it's pretty awesome for some things, but you can have too much of a good thing.

So, after all of this back and forth, I sat down and wrote my own little communication manifesto.  How I want to live my life, even if I haven't been so great at this stuff in the past :)  Here goes...

I refuse to give in to a culture of instant gratification communication.  I refuse to let those expectations sour my relationships.  And, most importantly, I refuse to let my life be consumed with constant communication.  

Instead, though my communication may be less often, I will strive to make it more meaningful.  I will strive to be present in the moment and not constantly worrying about who I have and have not responded to.  I will strive to help those that I love understand, that just because I don't immediately get back to them, that I still care deeply about them.  I will strive to be understanding of other's time lines when getting back to them, because that's what you do for those that you care about.  I will strive to not give in to the culture of go, go, go, and instead, make space in my life for peace and quite, and for a still-small-voice.

So.  There you have it.  I won't apologize for not being an instantaneous responder.  I will work to cultivate important and meaningful communication, and not just filling the voids with noise.  I will fight for those that I care about, and also, encourage them to remember that while communication is necessary to sustain a relationship, it's about quality NOT quantity.

If you've skipped to the end of this novel, don't worry, I understand :)  And if you leave this page remembering only one thing, let it be this:  Don't let the expectations pushed on us by our crazy culture define how you live your life or how you sustain your relationships through communication.

And, on that note, peace out yo. 

When you used to be strong... and now you're weak.

As a parent I have never felt more...

Weak.

Having our son in our lives has changed so many things.  I can't even begin to list them all. The one thing I never expected to feel was weak. I thought I would feel strong.  Empowered.  Like I would conquer the world for this new life.

I always thought I was relatively impenetrable.  Tough. I mean, not really tough, not like eat bugs tough (though I have), or punch some crazy person the face (though I know love conquers violence).  But the core of you kinda tough.  The type of tough that can withstand the worst and still push on through.

I was wrong.

After Axel, Ryan and I both realize how weak we are.  That little being that we created makes us feel so incredibly powerless.  Weak, not because of our status as people, but because of our love.  You love something so intensely, so fiercely, that you cannot possibly imagine what you'd do if something happened to them.

Every movie or TV show, every article or news story, every single thing that involves some baby or child that is terrible makes you weak in the knees - because you cannot even imagine what you would do, how you would cope if it was your baby.

Weak.

It sounds so crazy opposite, but it is so profoundly true.  Being a parent makes you vulnerable to the most terrible circumstances - the worst things that could happen to the little human that you've sworn to love and protect with your life.

And yet, when I think about it, even when the fear creeps in, it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. I love Axel more than I could ever possibly express.  More than I ever thought possible.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends. And I would curl up and die if anything ever happened to Ryan.  We've discussed multiple times that if anything ever happened to Ryan, the shell of the woman I would be... well, let's just say, there wouldn't be much worth saving.  But Axel, there is this new level of extreme love and responsibility.  This love that neither of us can quite explain.

We try so hard not to be "those parents" who only talk about their kid, and neither of us have ever been "kid peeps", but ever since Mr. A arrived on the scene, who we are, and what we live for has changed.  God has created this precious bond, and because of that, it makes you something more than you are. 1 + 1 = More Than 2 :)

Axel is more than just the two of us.  He is a special combination of us that God inspired.  Special ordered, you might say ;)

But the thing about being weak, in the spiritual kingdom, is that it's actually pretty good.  As long as you use your weakness properly...

2 Corinthians 12:10-11

"... For when I am weak, then I am strong..."

We are weak, but He is strong, which is particularly apparent in our weakest moments. And so, much like the first 9 months of parenthood, Ryn and I will continue to hang on for dear life - in weakness - and praying for God to give us the strength that we need.  His strength.  His guidance.  We cannot do it alone.

And thanking Jesus for every beautiful day that we have with our precious son!  Weakness and all :)

Why You Shouldn't Have A Kid(...?)

So there's this article that has been floating all around my FB feed for the past couple of days called "25 Famous Women on Childlessness".

And it kinda got my goat.  Actually, I don't have a goat, but I wish I did... (Ryan says "some day", but some day isn't gonna give me fresh goat milk and cheese, now is it?!)

Back to the point.

I read this article cuz I was really interested in what types of things these famous women had to say about their personal experiences.  I always love hearing about what other people think about having kids - especially since I was on the fence about it for a few years.  So, I read it.

And, my thoughts were...  Drumroll please.  A word comes to mind - "Frick!"

Ok, I assume that this article was written within the context that all of these women chose not to have children, and were not actually trying to have one but couldn't, so I guess that's important to know.  But, while there were some intriguing details about who these women are and how they have decided to live their lives, I feel like I mostly walked away with a definition of "mom" that I'm really not prepared to live up to.  And that sucked.  So, thus, the frick.

Cuz, here's the deal.  If you choose not to have kids, hey, no problemo.  You don't need to explain yourself to me.  That is entirely your choice!  But please, for the love of God, do not cite some ridiculous statements and/or stereotypes about being a mom.

Why?  Well, cuz all of us who actually are moms might feel a little slighted... Because maybe we're not as awesome as you make us sound ;)  Oh, I know, we pretty much rock.  But really, sometimes it gets a little hard, feeling like there is so much that we're supposed to be, so much we aren't going to live up to.

So, in case you read that article, or a few others I've stumbled upon lately, I'm just gonna clear up a few of these stereotypes and debunk some mom myths for ya, cuz I'm just that nice.  Plus, also, I'd like to clear my name a lil', if ya know what I mean :)

K?  K.

Mom Myths

1. You MUST have an overwhelming desire to "mother" every single living thing in your life. Until the end of eternity: I swear to all that is good on this earth, if I hear this one more time I will probably punch someone.  Like, for real.  I am not a maternal person.  Before Axel (and a select few fam/friend's babies), I had absolutely zero interest in spending time with the littliest versions of adults.  Zero.  As in, I didn't want to hold them, babysit them, snuggle them, and sometimes, if I'm honest, I didn't even really want to see them.  It's not nice, but it is true.  I just wasn'y a baby person.  But guess what?  I seriously am head over heels for my kid, and I absolutely cannot imagine my life without him.  Almost daily Ryn and I look at each other and say something ridiculously sappy (and something I DEF would've made fun of pre-baby) like "How did we get this lucky?!"  Now, I'm not saying this happens with everyone, but I am just so NOT down with this whole idea that you have to be super maternal to be a good mom.  You just don't.  Just like you can be super maternal and never have babies either.  Got it?
2. You will never travel again. Ever:  I type this with hesitancy since I myself have only ventured on a plane once with a 7 month old.  BUT. I have several friends who are world travelers and their kids have been globetrotters since pretty much day 1.  And I know that it can be done.  So really, enough of that dumbness.  
3. You're completely selfless. AllOfTheTime:  Oh. My. Gosh.  When I read how many women said that they were just "too selfish" to be a mom I threw up in my mouth a little.  And then I swallowed it, cuz that's what you do when you're an adult.  Because being an adult is gross sometimes. But for real - if not being selfish is a requirement of being a mom then I am the worst.  THE WORST.  And actually, every person is, because I think we're all pretty much naturally selfish.  The difference?  Trying to put someone else first (at least occasionally) - is what you have to do in any type of successful relationship.  So, if you plan on staying in a relationship, continuing to have friends or stay connected with family, you have to do this.  Therefore, it's a pretty dumb stereotype.  I'm sorry, but it's true.  I mean, thanks for thinking that I'm SUPER selfless.  But it's just not true.  So please don't make every mom out there sound angelic, like they are these innately selfless creatures.  We're not.  We're just trying to be bette at it.
4. You will always be poor. Always:  Ok.  You might actually be poor.  But chances are, if you are already poor then having kids doesn't really change that, so I don't really think that this one is fair.  I won't tell anyone how to manage their money, however I will say this - Finances are a part of living life, but they should not be the reason why you don't experience the fullness of living life!  
5. You will never screw up your kids. Never:  Alrighty, this is another one I laugh a little about.  Like, a little maniacal laugh.  Because I probably will screw my kid up a little.  Sometimes I think of how hilarious it would be to teach him that dogs are actually cats, and seeing how he turns out...  Oh my gosh - can you imagine how much he would add to the cat/dog people debates?  Hilar.  Seriously though, this seems like a totally legit thing.  But the reality is, we're all a little screwed up, and I refuse to try and live up to the expectation of being a perfect parent.  Also, it's a pretty slippery slope if you're deciding not to have a kid based on that mentality, one that certainly won't get you anywhere in life.  You're too afraid of failing so you don't even try...?  Don't try out for that new job, you might not get it.  Don't try that new recipe, it might suck. Don't go out on that date, cuz he/she might break your heart.  Ok.  If you wanna live that way, fine, but please don't throw the perfect parent image out there, because it's not fair to me or any other parent out there.
6. Your lifestyle is forever gone. Wave Goodbye!:  This is the most honest one that I saw.  And, surprise surprise, I can actually get behind this one.  I think that while this is still a stereotype, it is kinda true.  You can always keep lots of your old life, you don't have to become a soccer mom or uber hippie granola mom.  But, yes, if you choose, your life will change.  I am now a mom.  For the past 7 months.  But for 30 years before that, I wasn't a mom, and I remember what my lifestyle looked like before Mr. A.  And it was glorious!  Like, really awesome.  So, I get it.  If having a kid doesn't jive with the way that you want to live life, that's cool.  The only question I would pose is this - is the lifestyle that you're currently living going to be the same one you'll have in 5 years? What about 10, 20, 30?  If it is, great, sounds like you've got a sweet life headed your way.  But if not, maybe sit down and think about what's really gonna stick around in the future.  And if there are things that you know will fade, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your future before it becomes your (unchangable) past.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Having a kid was one of the best decisions we've ever made.  I mean, like in the history of all good decisions, this one really should be in the history books, just sayin'.

Check it - I know having a baby is not for everyone.  And I totally respect that.  I also know that there are quite a few people out there who want to have kids and just can't - and obviously none of the stuff above is aimed their way. 

I just really get a bee in my bonnet about these false images we create and expectations that women are supposed to live up to if they become mothers.  And I should really do the article justice by saying that there were some really interesting perspectives - so it wasn't a total loss :)

So, don't have a kid.  Or have a kid.  Whatever you want is fine,  Let's just try and not perpetuate any more mom myths :)

Tres - The MN State Fair, Best Of...

The final chapter of the grand series on the wonderful MN State Fair!

Are you ready for this?  Yeah, I think you are.  You've earned it!

C is for Consume(ing)
Food!!!!  Pretty much my favorite fair subject eva :)  Here is a list of the best fair foods out there (with my personal bias, of course), and those that I will be consuming in less than 24 hours:

1. Pronto Pups - Read my lips: These ARE NOT corn dogs.  I'll be honest, I don't really like corn dogs.  I've never really liked them.  I love hot dogs, chili cheese dogs, and even the occasional macaroni and cheese with hot dogs.  But corn dogs?  No thanks!  So, up until I met my studly hubby, I avoided Pronto Pups like the plague.  Until he convinced me that PP's were not corn dogs... They are, in fact, made with regular flour, not corn flour, and lemme tell you, that makes all of the difference in the world.  Looooooove me some PP's! :)

2. Mini Doughnuts - This should be a duh, but hey, you can never be too careful!  I feel it necessary to point out, as the question has been asked multiple times - you must NOT get Tiny Tim's mini doughnuts.  They suck.  Their sugar granule mix is too large so it doesn't coat the doughnuts well and the doughnuts are usually small and over-fried.  I highly recommend Tom Thumb's mini doughnuts... you will not be disappointed with these little round pieces of heaven!

3. Fresh French Fries - Ok, there are many different kinds of fries at the fair.  And most of them are delicious in their own way.  However, if you are looking for the best overall standard fry, one that doesn't remind you of McDonalds or any other fast food (though I do LOVE those), these are the fries for you!  I should note "Fresh French Fries" is the name of the booth, not the name of the food, lest you be confused :)

4. Sweet Martha's Cookies - Alright, I'm gonna be straight with you on this guys.  Inside of the fair, these cookies are the absolute best thing you've ever tasted when paired with the next item (all you can drink ice cold milk!)  Outside of the fair/when these suckers get cold, they're moderate to decent.  Is it magic fair dust that makes them taste so good on a hot, sticky day?  The world may never know... But I do know this, eat these lil' guys quick before you leave the fair!

5. Milk Truck - Oh.My.Gosh.  This is the best milk you've ever tasted.  And never-ending, ice-cold glasses of amazingness. 'Nough said.

6. Cheese Curds - I feel like everyone knows this, but hey, Wisconsin has a few positive points, right?  But then you have to factor in the Packers...

7. Deep Fried Pickles - These are AWESOME! They're pickles, they're deep fried, I mean, come on. However, I have had pretty good ones at restaurants, so if you can't have 'em at the fair, at least try 'em somewhere else!

8. Cream Puffs - D'lish.  Yup.

9. Flowerin' Onion - These are ggggggggggggggreat!  But also, if you can't have 'em up, the "bloomin' onion" at Outback Steakhouse is pretty great too!

10. Scotch Egg - Uh. Amazeballs.  Just sayin'.

11. Grilled Corn On The Cob - Yes, I eat corn. Yes, I like grilled corn.  But at the fair?  This can't be beat!

12. Ice Cream Cones - Only from the dairy building!  Bonus, eat it while you're lookin' at the super creepy butterheads!

13. Deep Fried Candy Bars - Obviously this is a staple, though, I will admit, they're not for everyone :)

14. Funnel Cake - Where else can you get these babies?  Nowhere! Gimme some delicious powdered sugar please!

15. Beer-On-A-Stick - Ok.  The MN State Fair does too much of one thing, and one thing only.  The catch phrase "on a stick".  But this one earns it's name - try it and you won't be disappointed! :)

And, I would be remiss if I didn't include a few others...
Honorable mentions:  Cotton candy, giant pretzels, and poutine.  Mmmmm, mmm, good!

Alright, that wraps up our MN State Fair fun!  Hope you enjoyed!  We are off to enjoy the fair and all of it's glory tomorrow - hope you come and have a blast! :)

MN State Fair - The Adventure Continues with B!

Alright folks, as promised, the continuation of our MN State Fair series!  Thanks for the messages on "A is Attire", I'm glad no one took it too seriously ;)

So, without adieu, let's get on this!

B - Buildings/Events/Things to See

If you know the fair (or you've listened to their superb marketing in commercials), there are a MILLION things to do there.  No, but really.  It's overwhelming.  But also awesome.  So, if you're headed to the "great Minnesotan get-together" and just can't figure out where to start, here are some pointers/my favs :)

Stop #1:  The Info Booth
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, you've been to the fair before, you've been around the block more than just a few times, you know Underwood St. and Carnes Ave. like the back of your hand (with the smudged fair stamp on it!).  But let me just point this out - you don't know what you don't know.  Every year there are new and exciting things at the fair, and even a seasoned pro like yourself can use a few tips once in a while.  So, trust me, take 5 minutes, head over to the sups friendly folks at the booth and grab yourself a handy-dandy map!

Stop #2:  All Things Food
Ok, this is pretty obvious, you hafta eat fair food.  But I've seen some pretty rookie moves in my day, and it is imperative that you spread out your food intake (more on that later), and map out your route (on the afore-mentioned map), so that you don't walk all over God's green creation when you have a sudden hankering for a Pronto Pup.

Eat lots.  And often.

Stop #3:  Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!
Go see the animals.  Unless you're allergic, then definitely don't do that.  But if not, go, have fun, see the Miracle of Birth, hold a baby chick, weave your way in and out of manure piles in the barns, watch a rodeo or 4H show.  It's fun, it's free, and gosh darnit, those animals are adorable!  Except the really ugly ones.  But hey, bonus, even those ugos make hilarious photobombs for your totally unnecessary selfies :)

Stop #4:  Show And Tell
The amount of entertainment at the fair is staggering.  And I mean literally - have you seen one of those lumberjacks mis-step and almost topple off of those logs?  Breath officially held!  There are concerts, animal shows, small acts, big acts, HUGE acts, creepy reptile shows... everything.  You name it, they probably have it.  Granted, some of them suck, but hey, the nice thing is that you can always walk away.  Insider's tip:  One thing that will never disappoint - the more-often-drunk-than-not kareoke... Some Michael Jackson impersonators just can't hold their gin :)

Stop #5:  Ride 'Em Cowboy
Of course, the rides.  A fair staple.  They are great.  And, depending on what else you've consumed that day, they might even land you in purge city, so beeeeeeeeee careful!  If you're not one for mind-bending, back-breaking speeds and scares (like I am), stick with the overhead view on a relaxing ride, all while you ease your aching tootsies and wave to everyone below (but don't spit, I know it's tempting, but don't do it.  No, really, don't be that guy).

Bonus:  Peep-Creepin'
People-watching could be, arguably, the best part of the fair.  It is awesomely stalker-ish, but without the risk of a possible felony charge.  You will see cray crays, you will avoid cray crays, and, if you're lucky, you might even be a cray cray ;)  And if you really get into it, a good ol' Bingo board for your added entertainment.
(Example: http://www.lifewithlevi.com/minnesota-state-fair-bingo/).

Alright, that wraps up B!  I could literally go on for days, but we only have a few of those left with our beloved fair, can't waste 'em writing!  C is coming up soon :)

This Is How We Do (The MN State Fair)

Alright.  It's time.  It's here.  My FAVORITE time of year...

The magical season that we, here in Minnesota, call "Fair Time"!  If you've never lived here, you can't possibly understand.  No offense, but it's true.  It's this incredible time, terrible traffic, amazing food, out-of-this-world people-watching, sore feet, sunburned shoulders, and a satisfied heart.  

The whole state gets into this thing, and I mean, they get INTO it!  From farmers to vendors, regular Joes to beauty queens (and their butter heads!), the granola folks to the People of Walmart... if you love Minnesota, then you love the fair.  Ok, that last statement might not totally be true, but it really should be.  Just sayin' (I'm lookin' at you Michael Bernard).

It's amazing.  And beautiful.  And I love it.  

But.  Yes, there's always a but.  There are a few things that you need to know about the state fair before attending, even if you've been there before.  Luckily, you have an expert fair-goer to lead you on your way. So, in preparation of our fair trip coming up on Sunday, I decided to share my wealth of knowledge, with the ABC's of the MN State Fair.  Today we'll be covering A, with B and C coming up in the next few days.

Ready?  Set?  FAIR!

The ABC's of the MN State Fair

A is for Attire:

So, this whole clothing thing sounds all fun and what not, but don't be confused, this is not a "What to Wear - MN State Fair Edition!"  This is serious business right here.  You think I'm kidding?  Do you see this face?  (Actually, you can't see my face, but I'll give you a hint, it's not a kidding face.)  What you wear to the fair could literally change your life.  Ok, not literally.  But, for real, this is one of the biggest fair decisions you can make, right up there with deciding between Tiny Tim's and Tom Thumb's Mini Doughnuts (ALWAYS Tom Thumb's, this should not EVEN be a question.  Like seriously, I'm actually pissed that you even asked.)  Why does it matter what you wear you ask?  Because the wrong attire can land you quickly in sunburned, blistered, wedgie-city real quick.  So let's all just try and avoid that, ok?  Ok.

1) Weather Appropriate: This one SHOULD be self-explanatory, but since every.single.year I see some dummy sweating balls while wearing a parka and sweats when it's 95 freakin' degrees AND another (just as) dummy shivering her bum off while wearing daisy dukes, a 'kini top and sky-high-heels when it's 55 out and rainy.  I'm sorry, but these people are dumb.  If you don't wear something weather appropriate, I don't care how awesome(ly terrible) you look, you will be miserable, and so will everyone with you, as you complain, loudly, all day, about how uncomfortable you are.

You have the internet, right?  Step 1: Google "weather for (insert day going to the fair here)"  Step 2: Don't be stupid.  

Pretty simple, huh?  Yup, that's what I thought.

2) Comfort:  Again, I kinda feel like this seems pretty logical, but I literally lost count last year trying to keep track of the seriously uncomfortable looking people I saw.  So, it seems worth mentioning.

I have two words for you: fat pants.  Buy them. Use them.  Love them.  No, but for real.  Even if you don't wear them TO the fair, you will need them the day AFTER the fair.  At least, you will if you did it right.  

Ok, but actually, comfortable clothes are important.  You're talking to someone who has sprained multiple ankles in afore-mentioned sky-high-heels, but the fair is neither the time nor the place.  Do I love a nice, tight, satin corset dress that you can barely breath in (but also look amaze-balls in)?  I mean, this is the second dumbest question you've asked today.  Obvi, yes.  But no, not at the fair, that I do not love.  You will regret it, trust me.  Have some sweet new kicks that you just can't wait to try out?  Because you'll be "walking a lot" and "this is the perfect time to break them in".  No, just no.  The only thing you have to look forward to with that decision is 5 inch blisters on your feet and a cut-short fair experience (because you can only hobble so far on lava-temperature cement and fair food sticking to your tootsies.)

Sub-categories of comfort are:

• Layers:  Layer, layer, layer! If the previously-mentioned weather is unpredictable, layers are your best bet.  But ALWAYS go with light layers, because whatever you take off you're gonna hafta carry around with you, and ain't nobody got time for heavy-sweater-carrying.
• Expandable:  Ok, I was only half kidding about the fat pants.  For real though, if you plan on eating your body-weight (x2) like I do, you're gonna want something that gives in all of the right places, so plan accordingly.
• Accessories:  You're gonna want a bag/purse/man-purse or something to carry stuff in that isn't ungodly uncomfortable.  Trust me on this one.  No one wants to have to keep re-buying their $0.50 unlimited-milk-cups because they have no where to stash them while they walk around all day. You're also gonna wanna wear comfy shoes, for walking, trudging, stumbling, and finally, falling on the ground after some Sweet Martha's for a good ol' fashioned grass nap.
• Sundries:  When the going get's tough, the tough get sunscreen.  And chapstick.  And ibuprofen (for heat headaches), tums (for too much fair food indigestion), bug spray (for late night concerts), etc. etc. You don't need a large amount of this stuff, but if you think feeling icky will make or break your fair experience I suggest you plan on having a few extras in your bag.

So, kids, just find something comfortable to wear.  You'll thank me.  But the people who would've gotten to laugh at your super awkward hobbling around the fair don't thank me, because they would've loved to have some additional comic relief besides just all of those cray crays and fanny pack folks. 

3) The "Whoever You Really Don't Wanna See and Then You See Them" Outfit:  You probably know about this whole Murphy's Law thing, right?  You look great every day.  Cuz you take care of yourself.  But you never see anyone you know when you're out and about, so, one day, you get a little lazy, maybe just a little greasy and gross... and then BAM!  That's the day you see the ONE person in the world you REALLY don't want to see you while looking like absolute poo.  Yup, sounds about right to me.  

Ok, now think of that and apply it to the MN State Fair statistics.  Ready for a little math?  I promise it won't hurt too much...  Minnesota's current population is approximately 5.3 million.  And you know how many people attend the fair each year?  Around 1.7 million.  That means that approximately 1 out of every 5 people in Minnesota attend the fair.  How many people do you know?  I'm guessing it's more than 5.  

So, if you're planning on being "lost in the crowd", and never seeing anyone you know, good luck with that one.  Or, if you don't care what you wear when seeing people you do or do not know, that's cool.  But for the rest of you, I suggest that you find something that you like to wear.  Do you have to look like a model?  No. I mean, honestly, your makeup will probably melt off your face after 5 minutes and your hair will be plastered with sweat to your forehead anyway.  But, hey, if you do happen to see that one person, at least you'll feel a little less crappy about it, right? 

Alright, that wraps up the A, hopefully I've helped prepare you just a little bit for the wonderful experience called The Fair!  

Stay tuned later this week for the rest of the ABC's of the MN State Fair.  I promise to not disappoint :)

The One That Got Away

Katy Perry has this song, "The One That Got Away", and it's been on the radio a lot this past week.  I say a lot, but really, I don't listen to the radio much these days (minus the good ol' Dave Ryan show!), so maybe what I really mean is I heard it probably twice, or potentially even just once and a half...? :)  Point is, every time I hear it, I get a little sad.  Actually, truth be told, before I get sad, I usually think about how everyone believes that song is about that one guy from Sons of Anarchy, and how he went cray cray and shot some lady and himself last year.  And then I get super depressed about that, and how sad it is.  But after that divergence into a mini-'pression, THEN I get sad about the actual song.  

The song is written with such longing, and to me, that is just heart-breaking.  But you know what I feel immediately after the sadness (which came after my depression of the Mr. SAMCRO situation)?  Immense joy.  Why?  Because her story is not mine.  Because I am married to the love of my life, and while I may have let other things slip through my fingers, I didn't let Ryn get away :)

But let's rewind, let me expound on this whole immense joy thing.

Every once in a while, your spouse can become a little bit like furniture.  This analogy is something that my bestie and I made up and have used since high school. The basic concept is that while you love your furniture, and you need your furniture, you sometimes forget to appreciate it... because it's always there, always comforting, always supporting you(r butt), etc.  And sometimes, especially if you've been together for a while, yo' shorty starts to be a lil' furniture-esque.  

And every time I hear this song, or pretty much every other "loved but lost" romantic ballad, I get a huge smile on my face.  The kind of smile that anyone else watching would probs think "What a terrible person, smiling at the pain and heartbreak of others!"  But no, really, I am just smiling because it reminds me of how lucky I am.  It reminds me not to make Ryn furniture.  

Because here is how lucky I am:  This man has stood by my side for well over a decade, been my love, my best friend, my baby-daddy, my listener/nodder, my caretaker, my financial guru, my tear-catcher, my teammate, my spiritual leader, my encourager, my expert consultant on all things technical/electrical/constructional/etc, my workout buddy, and last, but certainly not least, my extremely handsome hubs.  He is patient, kind, loving, hilarious, silly, genuine, and practically a genius.  He works so hard for our family, to provide for us, keep us safe, and well-loved.  He is our superman.  He is MY superman.

Of course, this didn't happen by accident. I chose him, above anyone and everyone else.  And he chose me (thank God!).

I don't have a one that got away, and for that I am eternally grateful.  So when the going gets tough, or the tough wanna sit on a super comfortable couch, that gratefulness reminds me that my hubby will never be furniture in my life.  He is something to be cared for and treasured, each and every single day.

So don't let your loved ones be furniture either - trust me on this one, you need them way more than a great place to sit!

Thanks for the reminder Katy Perry (also, good luck finding someone WAY better than John Mayer... not sayin' just sayin') :) 

When The Answer Is Yes (And You Didn't Want It To Be)

Today we had Axel's appointment with the specialist to find out if he had to get a helmet for his plagiocephaly.  We've been waiting for months for this appointment, hoping that he wouldn't have to get one.  We've spent countless hours doing physical therapy, chiropractic care, stretches, and special holding.  We've spent money on positional aides, doctor appointments, and special pillows.  We've neglected many other areas of our lives to try and make sure that Axel isn't spending any unnecessary time on his head that could cause further issues.  And today, when the question was asked, the answer was "Yes, he does need a helmet."

Usually a "yes" is a good thing.  Today, it's not.

A helmet, while being a cure for his head issues, is not a true positive thing in our world.  It means a lot of money, more appointments, more physical therapy, and a baby who will be in restrictive headgear 23 hours a day, for the next 3 to 9 months.

In a word, it stinks.

That said, we are beyond blessed that we live in a time and age that there is a form of treatment for his condition and that this issue will not cause lasting damage to his head or development like it would have in the past.  We are even more blessed that we have insurance that has covered some of the expenses, and the time and energy to devote to taking care of him the best that we can.  And we know that this is a very small hurdle in his and our lives, especially compared to the health issues some parents have to face with their children.  We know that we are lucky.

But still, today, it stinks.

Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will feel more thankful, tomorrow I will be relieved that I can spend more time playing with my baby and working on his developmental milestones instead of constantly trying to plan every minute of his life based on how it will impact his conditions.

So, while today, it stinks, tomorrow, it won't stink as much.

But today I plan on eating an ungodly amount of Ben and Jerry's and indulging in a little self-pity.  Because tomorrow is a new day, and I want to greet it with a smile.  And maybe a stomach ache from too much ice cream...

I Told You So - A Chronic Conditon

You know those people, the ones who love to say "I told you so..."?  Yeah, they're the worst.  The. Worst.

You know those people?  Yeah, that's me.  I am the worst.  

I don't say it out loud, but I think it.  Quietly.  Passive-aggressively.  Minnesota-nice-ly.  I say to myself in my perfect little mind - "Hmmm.... yup, I told you so."

But why?

The way I see it, most chronic I told you so-ers (from this point on known as ITYS-ers) mostly have pride at their core.  They want you to know that they knew best.  And you didn't.  And that you suck.  You suck at being right and all of the good things.  You suck.  Forever and ever, amen.  

But I don't want that.  And I don't think that you suck.  Well, let's be honest, we all suck every once in a while, but you, as a general person, do not suck.  

So why am I a ITYS-er?  Enter selfishness, stage left.  Ohhhhhh, tricky tricky, huh?  You thought I was gonna talk about pride, but nooooooooooooo, surprise surprise!  Selfishness wins the Wonka Golden Ticket for tonight. And by golden ticket, I mean talking about how much you don't suck, and how much I do. Game changer!

I suck.

And here's why.  I am selfish.  And when my family, friends, etc. do things that are opposite from what I think is best, I become a holier-than-thou stereotype that is almost laughable.  But not quite laughable enough to be funny.  Mostly just sad.  Because I don't want to be right due to pride, I want you to do what I say because I am afraid of the consequences of your failure.  

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Ok sure.  A better person than me could play this off as simply wanting the best for those that they love. But, as we've already discussed, I suck, so obvi, this is not the case.  I don't want you to fail because I know it's going to be more work for me.  Woof.  Even typing that sentence makes me feel like I did most of my pregnancy (I'll give you a lil' hint - it involved a lot of porcelain-god worship... ;)).  The sheer selfishness of it all makes me want to simultaneously cringe, highlight this whole paragraph, right click and select delete. But I won't.  Because there is importance in truth. 

So, here I am, a self-proclaimed ITYS-er that is laying it all out on the table, baring it all for the sake of something bigger, something more important than my need to appear perfect.  So here it is: I want you to do what I think is right because if you don't, and things go sideways, your life is gonna get messy, and because I am in your life, it means my life is gonna get messy too.  It means that I am going to have to help you clean up all of these shenanigans. And I don't want to have to expend that extra energy.  If that isn't selfish, whew, I don't know what is. What a broken mentality, a true lack of compassion and love right there.  

But it's true, and I am admitting it in the most public way that I know how.  Oh hey blog friends, did I mention that I suck? :)

So, lemme break it down for you - as referenced in my many blogs before, our lives here on earth rely on community.  We are in this together.  We help each other.  We can't get through this life alone.  And because I have that outlook on life, the logic is that if your life is easier, then so is mine.  So when I share my opinion with you, yeah, there is, without a doubt, a seed of selfishness rooted deeply in what I tell you. Sometimes I know that I'm doing it, other times it's totally unintentional, but either way, I'm fairly certain that it's present in most of the opinions that I share.  I'd like to think that isn't true, I'd love to say that I am so far redeemed by the love of Christ that how you live your life does not affect how well I counsel and love you.  But I'm not, and it does.  Maybe someday I will be and it won't, but that day is not today.

Instead, today, my struggle is to focus on you and your life, how you live it, what you struggle with, and how I can help you. Entirely selflessly.  Not thinking about the negative consequences of your actions, but instead, on the fullness of life that you can have living free of condemnation.  And I can't do that if I'm the one condemning you.  Or worse, worrying about how your actions impact my own small little life.  I have to ask Jesus to help me rise above that, because I am definitely not capable of doing it on my own.  

In conclusion - I suck. And I will not - cannot - get better on my own.  I think the sheer act of thinking that I know what is best is clear evidence of that fact.  I have to rely on a God that is boundless in the grace that He gives, and try my best to emulate that.  For me, there is no other way.  

No more silent "I told you so"s, no more thinking that I knew best, no more worrying about the mess that you're making that I will have to help clean up.  Only grace.  And love.  And compassion.  Those things are the only cure for this chronic condition of selfishness.  And without them, I don't think our world can hold on. I know I can't.  

Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that...

Fill in the blank _________.  KitKat Bar? Surprisingly, no. Just give me a break. In general.

Ok, fair warning, things could get a little heated in this post...

So, I am a mom.  And I'm not a dad, so I don't claim to understand what it's like, but in the mom culture today things are rough.  Real rough.  Moms judging moms rough.  And it makes me sad.

But also a little mad.

Because here is the thing (if you read this blog you know that there are so many!) - being a mom is hard enough as it is. I really don't think it's necessary to insert our unwanted opinions on, and sometimes be just plain mean to, other moms.  There are a million topics in the mom club that could be argued:  breastfed vs. formula, attachment vs. detachment, crib vs. co-sleeping, stay-at-home vs. working mom, cry-it-out vs. on as-needed-sleeping, scheduling vs. baby-led, etc.  I could literally go on forever.  The choices in child-rearing are seriously so unimaginably extensive I never could've possibly understood until now.  But I do.  Now.  And believe me, those mommy boards get real ugly.  And we're not talking cute ugly, we're talking moms calling other moms terrible, irresponsible and awful people.

And it just doesn't seem right.

Webster defines a mom as simply "a person's mother".  But we know that it is so much more.  When I think of the definition of a mom, I think of someone who loves her children, puts herself second (third, or whatever), and does what she needs to do to give her family what they need.  Read that definition carefully. No where in there will you find "call other moms terrible people, or second guess their parenting techniques."  And there is a reason for that.  Moms are called to love.  Plain and simple.  I think we get this idea that because we are moms, that means we are called only to love our children, our family.  But no, because, as parents, our job is so much bigger.  We are called to love, but we are also called to show our children HOW to love.  We demonstrate that ability to our growing babies, they learn about love through us (see a little connection with God, as our father...?).  They say actions speak louder than words.  And lemme tell you, I absolutely cannot imagine telling Axel how much I love him and then turning around and calling some stranger a horrible person because she feeds her baby formula instead of  breast milk.

But it happens.  And that's when I get mad.  I get mad because this isn't what we want to teach out children.  We want to teach our children grace, respect, understanding, and compassion.  And we say that, but then 5 seconds later judge the mom at Target, or on a mom board, or a friend asking for advice on how to handle her screaming child (My fiend Katie wrote a GREAT blog about mom-judging - check it out - http://thekleinjungs.com/our-family/an-open-letter-to-every-parent-i-have-ever-met/)

Being a mom is a rough and tumble kind of game.  Not only do we have to navigate the tough world of babydom, but then we have to carefully hone our parenting skills, and how we communicate our practice of child-rearing to others.  Walking on eggshells would be easier.  Much easier.

Here's what it comes down to for me.

My job as a mom is to teach my kid how to love others.  And there is no way I can do that while being a mom-judger.  We can hide behind all of the "I just think it's best" or "You really should"s as we want, but the outcome is still the same.

So, when I am tempted to look at how my fellow moms parent, I ask myself this one simple question: Do I believe that they love their baby and want what's best for them?  The answer is unequivocally, a resounding "Yes!"   And if that's what they are trying to do, I honestly believe that 99% of the time, that is good enough.  I don't need to "show them the light".  I don't need to tell them everything I've ever done and how great it has turned out.  Because they love their baby, they are trying their best, and that's all that they can possibly do.

When I say gimme a break, what I really mean is - give every mom out there a break.  No one is perfect.  And no one is raising a perfect child.  Let's all just trust and support one another.  Because, being a mom is hard enough as it is.  Let's not make it harder.

Take a deep breath.  We are all raising the next generation.  We are all trying.  We are all doing the best that we can.  And isn't that what counts?

Good job moms, you need a huge pat on the back, not someone stabbing you in it...

With God's help, we got this!

Divine Destination: That One Time When We Were In A Head On Collision

I am a true believer in God putting us in the right place at the right time.  That right time and right place was at 2:12pm on Monday, May 26th, when we lost a car good car, but saved someone else from something much worse.

The truck that pulled out in front of an SUV, that was broad-sided and then collided head on with us, going over 50 MPH, was meant to hit us.  I know that sounds a little pre-destination-ish, but I'm claiming it anyway.

Because here's the thing - we weren't supposed to be there right then.  We were running late and taking the wrong road, and absolutely unprepared for an accident.  But we actually were prepared.  We just didn't know it.

In November of last year, God provided us with a giant truck, an older Suburban that is totally metal, not plastic like the new ones, one that can take a hit like a champ.  And last summer when we registered for a car seat, we got one that was superbly rated for crashes.  And on Monday afternoon when packing up the car everything was Tetris-like perfectly packed by my amazing hubs to give our pups the exact right amount of space in the back of our truck.  Our son was perfectly nestled into said car seat, and we were buckled like the little rule-followers that we are.

So many things could have gone wrong on that day.  But none of them did.  As that truck pulled out, was slammed into by that SUV, and then smashed into us (while waiting innocently at a stop sign), we were absolutely and perfectly prepared.  Sure, we had no idea that a collision was in our future, we had no idea that we would likely total our beloved truck, we had no idea that we'd spend the next few days stiff and sore, calling insurance companies and arguing with them over coverage and what chiropractic care we had.  But we were prepared.  Because God knew what would happen on May 26th at 2:12 pm.  Almost a year in advance, the things that needed to happen, already had.

Like I said, I know that this sounds a little ludicrous.  And that's okay.  But I also know it's true, so I don't mind sounding a little crazy.  And you know why?  Because I can't even count the reasons why we shouldn't have been there at that exact time, but we were.  So you know what that tells me?  We were, without a doubt, supposed to be there.

Because we had a giant truck, because we had a good car seat, because our dogs were protected, because we couldn't have been hit at a better angle, because the paddle boat and massive metal pipes in the back of the truck that struck us only cracked our windshield and didn't fly right through it, because the SUV that hit the truck didn't slam them into the side of us (which would've been exactly where Axel was at) when it really should have, because we were all wearing our seatbelts and only suffered whiplash and a sprained toe... because everything should have been so much worse than it was.  But it wasn't.

I believe that we were supposed to be there, to be the stopgap.

Because a smaller vehicle couldn't have taken that kind of impact (the truck would have flipped over on top of them, crushing it), because another car might not have been as prepared, because other passengers might not have been buckled in, because they might not have had a great car seat, because they might not have had insurance, because this accident might not have ended without fatalities...

Sure, it sounds a little dramatic, and I'm okay with that, because to be honest, despite trying to play it cool with those who have asked, it was the absolute scariest moment of my life.  My husband, my baby, and my pups were all in that car.  Pretty much all of my life was contained in that vehicle. And they could have all been gone in a second.  But they weren't.  And if you believe in God, you have to believe that there is a reason why He, a divine God, would allow something like that to happen.  And when it does happen, you can't help but ask, why did it?  And I have absolute peace knowing that it was for a reason.  I may never know the exact reason, and that's okay, but  because I trust my God, I know that it was necessary.

And that's why, as we schedule the doctor and chiropractic appointments, the hours spent on the phone with police and insurance companies, the hassle of trying to either fix or total our car and find a new one after only owning it for just 6 short months, the back pain and headaches, the fussy baby who doesn't feel good, having to take PTO just to recuperate and find a vehicle to drive until we know what to do next, and everything that seems like such an inconvenience... I know it is absolutely worth it.  Not because it could have been worse, because we know it could've very easily been.  But because we know that we could take the hit, and someone else might not have been able to.

God works in mysterious ways.  And instead of trying to figure those ways out, I'm just gonna be thankful that from May 26th from 2:13 pm on, I have my amazing husband, my incredible son, and beloved pups by my side.  And deep down, know that this happened for a reason.

Never be afraid to count your blessings, you'll likely start to run out of numbers :)

Romans 8:28
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Because our roof is leaky and everyone needs help...

Like most things in life, it all comes down to grass.  Right?

As the all-wise-and-knowing Hilary and Corey said a couple of weeks ago "The grass is always greener on the other side."  Though, in their case, this was actually, truly literal, because we were building a fence for their yard, and the neighbors grass was, indeed, greener. But, their fence rocked, and after it's built, they won't even know their grass isn't the greenest! :)

I'm not sure where this idea came from, but I always seem to think if I work hard enough, everything will be okay.  That my grass will be the greenest.

What.A.Lie.

I don't mean having a lotta money, a perfect job, or a super nice house. Nothing as exceptional as that.  I mean things about myself.  If I could just keep my house clean, if I could just be a better wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend, if I could just have more self-control, less crazy, more patience, less cranky, more grace, etc...

If. If. If...  

The problem is, even if I WAS able to achieve all of those things, eventually, something would break or change, and I'd have to work (twice as) hard to get back to who I wanted to be.  And that whole working twice as hard deal, well, as I've been finding out, that uses up all of your time and energy, running around trying to make everything perfect, and that leaves you have nothing left to give the people that you love.  And what a crapload of crapiness that is!

So, about that whole having any energy left over to give those you love thing.  Everyone needs help.  If I wanted the perfect life, it would require everything from me.  Everything.  I would have nothing left to give those in my family and community.  And the reality is, life isn't about stuff, it isn't about things, it's about people.  And I want to be able to give them everything.  Everything.  Every part of who I am and all I can do to help them.  But, if I'm spending all of my time and energy on my life, well, they're just not gonna get it.

Everyone needs help.  Varying times, varying situations, varying life struggles.  We need so much.  So, so, so much.  We need each other.  As much as our society tries to promote the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality, we cannot argue that no one is truly able to make it through this life (successfully) alone.  And even if you could, who would want to?  Not me, that's fo sho!

There are two ways to look at everything and everyone in your life needing so very much.  It can either make you overwhelmed and frustrated.  Or, it can make you take a serious look at your life and re-prioritize how you live it.

So, when everything in your life requires so much, and everyone in your life needs help, what do you do?  What, or who, takes priority?  Lemme give you a hint.  It's the who, not the what.  I don't want a clean house, but friends who are struggling and feeling all alone.  I don't want a perfectly manicured lawn (as if that would ever happen anyway!), and family who hasn't seen me in a month.  I don't want a perfect body, but no one to share my life with.  I don't want a relaxed scheduled, but a community who hasn't seen me in weeks, and needs my strength and love.

I have a leaky roof.  I have a house full of dust and a laundry room full of dirty clothes. And I am out of toilet paper.  But, you know what?  I have friends, family, and a community who need me, and they win out over all of that other stuff (except the toilet paper, that is a necessity!).  I will give up everything else, including my pride about my "stuff", so that I can do/be what they need.  And even more, I will do it happily.  Cuz, as my parents always taught me, don't do something unless you can do it with a good attitude.

My love will shine through my dirty house.  My love will shine through my chaotic schedule.  My love will shine through my leaky roof.  My grass will not be greener, but my heart will be bigger.

Everyone needs help, and I'm not about to say no. So, here is my good attitude - you've got it!

Mama Bear

So, once upon a time (before I was a mom), I heard a woman complaining about how she always has to stop to show strangers her baby (not present), because everyone always wants to tell her how cute her child is.  I was in stitches. I mean, for reals?  How "ridiculous" of other people to compliment her baby... did she honestly think that this was a crime?  Rude!

Ok, but to break it down for you, her kid wasn't there, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that her child was out-of-this-world adorable... But, I nearly laughed out loud at her righteous indignation, and legitimately thinking that this was something acceptable to complain about.  I mean, come on.  I'm not sure of the sex of her child, but apparently she'd been blessed with the baby version of Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston (yeah, that was a purposeful exclusion of Miss-I'm-a-husband-stealer-Jolie), and people couldn't wait to stop her, just to look at her angelic kid, and tell her how cute they were.

Must be tough.  

But here's what it made me think about... Nobody stops me in public when I have Axel with me.  Don't get me wrong, my kid is cute.  In fact, he is freakin' 'dorbs.  He doesn't mind hangin' out with strangers, he coos and chats with anyone who comes near, and he'll make even the most awkward person feel 10 feet tall with one of his million-dollar-Julia-Roberts-style-gummy smiles. It's obvi that my child is not what keeps strangers away.

But, nobody stops me in public when I have Axel with me.  And do you know why?  

Plain and simple folks, when I'm out and about and Axel is with me I give off a huge B vibe.  That's right, it's true.  A new side of me has emerged with motherhood, and lemme tell you, it ain't pretty.  No, we're not talkin' a walking hormonal hot mess.  Not that kind of cray.  We're talkin' straight up, mama bear-ness.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, I am not a traditionally maternal lady.  It's just not me.  But since having procured this small human, I have become a force to be reckoned with.  Just in case you were wondering, the definition of that is: "Someone or something that is important and powerful and must not be ignored."   That about sums it up.  The girl who goes to the doctor and accepts whatever they tell her without contradiction, the girl who feels bad even ordering things online because she doesn't want to bug the employees, or the girl who never returns a meal or drink no matter how terrible it is - that girl does not exist when Axel is involved.  That girl turns into a mama bear who will do anything and everything to keep her baby safe.  That girl is tough, strong, and when needed, vicious, to protect her child.  Strangers don't ask to see my baby because something in my demeanor shouts "Don't even think about getting near my precious little child, because I.WILL.END YOU."  

Why this enormous change of heart and personality?  Because, this is my little human. He is mine.  He made me a mom, he trusts me with his life (even though he doesn't know it yet), and he now retains an incredibly large section of my heart.  

I can't describe to you the enormity of changes that occur when you have a child, it would take too many words, most of which would not truly do it justice.  Yes, you change.  Everything morphs.  Not just your post-baby body, with all of it's fun little quirks, much of which requires a heck of a lot of grace with yourself (sure, not everything snaps back to where it once was, the heartburn that they promise you will stop once you give birth but doesn't, the baby fat everyone swears that you will lose eventually, or the crazy amount of hair that you start spontaneously losing).  No, that is not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about what changes inside.  That mama bear instinct that appears out of nowhere and drives you to do anything and everything you need to do to protect your offspring.  Sure, I heard ladies talk about it, but I never truly understood, and I certainly didn't think I would ever feel.  But now I do.  I would give my life without a second thought to protect Axel - bullets, knives, fires.  Anything. I would throw myself in front of a train to save that little man.  

But why?

Some people argue it's hormones.  Some say it's instinct.  I think it's something God puts in your soul.  This little being, thigh chubs and all, is now a part of you.  A part that if lost, cannot be replaced, and you will do absolutely anything to protect it - just like you would if it was literally a part of you - a hand, a leg, or eyeball, anything...  

And you know what I think is so stinkin' amazing?  It makes you selfless.  Mama bears don't think before going after anyone or anything that separates them from their young.  They just do.  Now, I'm not suggesting that mothers have a free pass for being an absolute B to any stranger who happens along wanting to compliment their child as Ms. Complainer from earlier lived out. I simply mean, I have a new found respect for the absolute beauty of selflessness that occurs within your soul when you produce a child that needs everything from you.  No resentment, no reservations, just love and protection.  And honestly, humans are pretty gosh-darn selfish, so I'm fairly certain that this feeling comes straight from God.  Pretty cool if you ask me :)

So cheers to all of the mama bears out there.  Protect your babies!  But just make sure you're not mauling any innocent bystanders in the process ;)

An Apology...

So.

Today I watched my baby brother be completely reamed out for doing something nice.

Let me start from the beginning.  It was our early Mother's Day celebration for my (amaze-balls!) mom.  And at the grand ol' OCB in Burnsville, when the Alsdurf clan gathered to celebrate our matriarch, the best lady ever, Peggy (I could write an entire blog about her alone!), we watched my bro be completely disrespected by an elderly man.  While we waited for the youngest sib, Mr. Nathan-munchkin-Alsdurf, we saw an older couple making their way to the restaurant door.  The woman was clearly disabled, needing the help of her husband and a walker, and even then, they seemed to both struggle getting around.  We saw Nate arrive, and like the extremely responsible and good-hearted young man he is, he tried (TWICE!) to open the doors for them both.  Not only did the man deny Nate (twice!!!), but once he walked in and joined us, the man proceeded to lecture Nate on how he shouldn't be trying to open the door for others and why.

You see, some people do not realize the impact of their actions.  And there are some people, mostly those who have lived on this earth a long time, that should really know better.  With the sheer number of years they've spent on this ball of water, land and air, they should know the weight of their words, and they should choose them carefully.

But they don't always.  And sometimes, like all of us, they make mistakes.

My initial reaction was that of anger.  How dare this man, regardless of age, be so rude to someone who was just trying to be nice.  I was livid.  Finding someone of the younger generation who would even think to open the door for others is rare, and that man just made my brother feel like a jerk for just trying to be nice and respectful.  I wanted to yell some very choice words right in his face.

But, I didn't.

So, instead, here is my apology...

To the elderly man:  I'm sorry that you have a disabled wife, it must tough for both of you having to deal with that.  I'm guessing that being older you must experience a lot of hard things in your life. I'm sorry that because of your life experiences, you must have felt some need to defend yourself.  I'm sorry that you didn't feel the respect and honor my brother was trying to convey with his offer to hold the door open for you.  I wish the best for you and your wife, a life of peace and joy.

To my brother:  I'm sorry that you were denied the immense joy of helping others.  In a world that rarely encourages being honorable, I'm so sorry that when you tried to be that, you were not only publicly embarrassed, but also denied the opportunity to bless someone.  I'm sorry that man's personal issues didn't allow him to be thankful for your gesture of kindness.  But mostly, I'm sorry if his poor reaction makes you balk at trying to respectfully honor others in the future.

You see, the thing is, that dude had his reasons for acting the way that he did.  But so did my brother.  And the thing that breaks my heart, is that when kindness, true kindness, is doled out and denied, it keeps us from trying to do it again in the future.  Sure, I could rant and rave about how my brother is in the right, and this man was in the wrong.  But it wouldn't do any good.  It won't change what happened, and it won't change what will happen in the future.  But I can apologize for the unfortunate experiences, and pray that it doesn't happen again.

So, again, here is my apology, a blanket apology for those of us that have reacted poorly to the kindness of others:  I'm sorry.  It was wrong.  And it shouldn't happen again.  And to everyone else, please don't let those bad experiences keep you from being kind again in the future.  Your love changes things, don't forget that.

My brother is a rockstar, and handled it all like a champ.  He responded with respect and integrity, and I couldn't be more proud.

Don't let the hardness of heart that others bear keep you from responding in love.  It's hard, but everything that's worth fighting for is...