Fill in the blank _________. KitKat Bar? Surprisingly, no. Just give me a break. In general.
Ok, fair warning, things could get a little heated in this post...
So, I am a mom. And I'm not a dad, so I don't claim to understand what it's like, but in the mom culture today things are rough. Real rough. Moms judging moms rough. And it makes me sad.
But also a little mad.
Because here is the thing (if you read this blog you know that there are so many!) - being a mom is hard enough as it is. I really don't think it's necessary to insert our unwanted opinions on, and sometimes be just plain mean to, other moms. There are a million topics in the mom club that could be argued: breastfed vs. formula, attachment vs. detachment, crib vs. co-sleeping, stay-at-home vs. working mom, cry-it-out vs. on as-needed-sleeping, scheduling vs. baby-led, etc. I could literally go on forever. The choices in child-rearing are seriously so unimaginably extensive I never could've possibly understood until now. But I do. Now. And believe me, those mommy boards get real ugly. And we're not talking cute ugly, we're talking moms calling other moms terrible, irresponsible and awful people.
And it just doesn't seem right.
Webster defines a mom as simply "a person's mother". But we know that it is so much more. When I think of the definition of a mom, I think of someone who loves her children, puts herself second (third, or whatever), and does what she needs to do to give her family what they need. Read that definition carefully. No where in there will you find "call other moms terrible people, or second guess their parenting techniques." And there is a reason for that. Moms are called to love. Plain and simple. I think we get this idea that because we are moms, that means we are called only to love our children, our family. But no, because, as parents, our job is so much bigger. We are called to love, but we are also called to show our children HOW to love. We demonstrate that ability to our growing babies, they learn about love through us (see a little connection with God, as our father...?). They say actions speak louder than words. And lemme tell you, I absolutely cannot imagine telling Axel how much I love him and then turning around and calling some stranger a horrible person because she feeds her baby formula instead of breast milk.
But it happens. And that's when I get mad. I get mad because this isn't what we want to teach out children. We want to teach our children grace, respect, understanding, and compassion. And we say that, but then 5 seconds later judge the mom at Target, or on a mom board, or a friend asking for advice on how to handle her screaming child (My fiend Katie wrote a GREAT blog about mom-judging - check it out - http://thekleinjungs.com/our-family/an-open-letter-to-every-parent-i-have-ever-met/)
Being a mom is a rough and tumble kind of game. Not only do we have to navigate the tough world of babydom, but then we have to carefully hone our parenting skills, and how we communicate our practice of child-rearing to others. Walking on eggshells would be easier. Much easier.
Here's what it comes down to for me.
My job as a mom is to teach my kid how to love others. And there is no way I can do that while being a mom-judger. We can hide behind all of the "I just think it's best" or "You really should"s as we want, but the outcome is still the same.
So, when I am tempted to look at how my fellow moms parent, I ask myself this one simple question: Do I believe that they love their baby and want what's best for them? The answer is unequivocally, a resounding "Yes!" And if that's what they are trying to do, I honestly believe that 99% of the time, that is good enough. I don't need to "show them the light". I don't need to tell them everything I've ever done and how great it has turned out. Because they love their baby, they are trying their best, and that's all that they can possibly do.
When I say gimme a break, what I really mean is - give every mom out there a break. No one is perfect. And no one is raising a perfect child. Let's all just trust and support one another. Because, being a mom is hard enough as it is. Let's not make it harder.
Take a deep breath. We are all raising the next generation. We are all trying. We are all doing the best that we can. And isn't that what counts?
Good job moms, you need a huge pat on the back, not someone stabbing you in it...
With God's help, we got this!
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