I Told You So - A Chronic Conditon

You know those people, the ones who love to say "I told you so..."?  Yeah, they're the worst.  The. Worst.

You know those people?  Yeah, that's me.  I am the worst.  

I don't say it out loud, but I think it.  Quietly.  Passive-aggressively.  Minnesota-nice-ly.  I say to myself in my perfect little mind - "Hmmm.... yup, I told you so."

But why?

The way I see it, most chronic I told you so-ers (from this point on known as ITYS-ers) mostly have pride at their core.  They want you to know that they knew best.  And you didn't.  And that you suck.  You suck at being right and all of the good things.  You suck.  Forever and ever, amen.  

But I don't want that.  And I don't think that you suck.  Well, let's be honest, we all suck every once in a while, but you, as a general person, do not suck.  

So why am I a ITYS-er?  Enter selfishness, stage left.  Ohhhhhh, tricky tricky, huh?  You thought I was gonna talk about pride, but nooooooooooooo, surprise surprise!  Selfishness wins the Wonka Golden Ticket for tonight. And by golden ticket, I mean talking about how much you don't suck, and how much I do. Game changer!

I suck.

And here's why.  I am selfish.  And when my family, friends, etc. do things that are opposite from what I think is best, I become a holier-than-thou stereotype that is almost laughable.  But not quite laughable enough to be funny.  Mostly just sad.  Because I don't want to be right due to pride, I want you to do what I say because I am afraid of the consequences of your failure.  

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Ok sure.  A better person than me could play this off as simply wanting the best for those that they love. But, as we've already discussed, I suck, so obvi, this is not the case.  I don't want you to fail because I know it's going to be more work for me.  Woof.  Even typing that sentence makes me feel like I did most of my pregnancy (I'll give you a lil' hint - it involved a lot of porcelain-god worship... ;)).  The sheer selfishness of it all makes me want to simultaneously cringe, highlight this whole paragraph, right click and select delete. But I won't.  Because there is importance in truth. 

So, here I am, a self-proclaimed ITYS-er that is laying it all out on the table, baring it all for the sake of something bigger, something more important than my need to appear perfect.  So here it is: I want you to do what I think is right because if you don't, and things go sideways, your life is gonna get messy, and because I am in your life, it means my life is gonna get messy too.  It means that I am going to have to help you clean up all of these shenanigans. And I don't want to have to expend that extra energy.  If that isn't selfish, whew, I don't know what is. What a broken mentality, a true lack of compassion and love right there.  

But it's true, and I am admitting it in the most public way that I know how.  Oh hey blog friends, did I mention that I suck? :)

So, lemme break it down for you - as referenced in my many blogs before, our lives here on earth rely on community.  We are in this together.  We help each other.  We can't get through this life alone.  And because I have that outlook on life, the logic is that if your life is easier, then so is mine.  So when I share my opinion with you, yeah, there is, without a doubt, a seed of selfishness rooted deeply in what I tell you. Sometimes I know that I'm doing it, other times it's totally unintentional, but either way, I'm fairly certain that it's present in most of the opinions that I share.  I'd like to think that isn't true, I'd love to say that I am so far redeemed by the love of Christ that how you live your life does not affect how well I counsel and love you.  But I'm not, and it does.  Maybe someday I will be and it won't, but that day is not today.

Instead, today, my struggle is to focus on you and your life, how you live it, what you struggle with, and how I can help you. Entirely selflessly.  Not thinking about the negative consequences of your actions, but instead, on the fullness of life that you can have living free of condemnation.  And I can't do that if I'm the one condemning you.  Or worse, worrying about how your actions impact my own small little life.  I have to ask Jesus to help me rise above that, because I am definitely not capable of doing it on my own.  

In conclusion - I suck. And I will not - cannot - get better on my own.  I think the sheer act of thinking that I know what is best is clear evidence of that fact.  I have to rely on a God that is boundless in the grace that He gives, and try my best to emulate that.  For me, there is no other way.  

No more silent "I told you so"s, no more thinking that I knew best, no more worrying about the mess that you're making that I will have to help clean up.  Only grace.  And love.  And compassion.  Those things are the only cure for this chronic condition of selfishness.  And without them, I don't think our world can hold on. I know I can't.