Why You Shouldn't Have A Kid(...?)

So there's this article that has been floating all around my FB feed for the past couple of days called "25 Famous Women on Childlessness".

And it kinda got my goat.  Actually, I don't have a goat, but I wish I did... (Ryan says "some day", but some day isn't gonna give me fresh goat milk and cheese, now is it?!)

Back to the point.

I read this article cuz I was really interested in what types of things these famous women had to say about their personal experiences.  I always love hearing about what other people think about having kids - especially since I was on the fence about it for a few years.  So, I read it.

And, my thoughts were...  Drumroll please.  A word comes to mind - "Frick!"

Ok, I assume that this article was written within the context that all of these women chose not to have children, and were not actually trying to have one but couldn't, so I guess that's important to know.  But, while there were some intriguing details about who these women are and how they have decided to live their lives, I feel like I mostly walked away with a definition of "mom" that I'm really not prepared to live up to.  And that sucked.  So, thus, the frick.

Cuz, here's the deal.  If you choose not to have kids, hey, no problemo.  You don't need to explain yourself to me.  That is entirely your choice!  But please, for the love of God, do not cite some ridiculous statements and/or stereotypes about being a mom.

Why?  Well, cuz all of us who actually are moms might feel a little slighted... Because maybe we're not as awesome as you make us sound ;)  Oh, I know, we pretty much rock.  But really, sometimes it gets a little hard, feeling like there is so much that we're supposed to be, so much we aren't going to live up to.

So, in case you read that article, or a few others I've stumbled upon lately, I'm just gonna clear up a few of these stereotypes and debunk some mom myths for ya, cuz I'm just that nice.  Plus, also, I'd like to clear my name a lil', if ya know what I mean :)

K?  K.

Mom Myths

1. You MUST have an overwhelming desire to "mother" every single living thing in your life. Until the end of eternity: I swear to all that is good on this earth, if I hear this one more time I will probably punch someone.  Like, for real.  I am not a maternal person.  Before Axel (and a select few fam/friend's babies), I had absolutely zero interest in spending time with the littliest versions of adults.  Zero.  As in, I didn't want to hold them, babysit them, snuggle them, and sometimes, if I'm honest, I didn't even really want to see them.  It's not nice, but it is true.  I just wasn'y a baby person.  But guess what?  I seriously am head over heels for my kid, and I absolutely cannot imagine my life without him.  Almost daily Ryn and I look at each other and say something ridiculously sappy (and something I DEF would've made fun of pre-baby) like "How did we get this lucky?!"  Now, I'm not saying this happens with everyone, but I am just so NOT down with this whole idea that you have to be super maternal to be a good mom.  You just don't.  Just like you can be super maternal and never have babies either.  Got it?
2. You will never travel again. Ever:  I type this with hesitancy since I myself have only ventured on a plane once with a 7 month old.  BUT. I have several friends who are world travelers and their kids have been globetrotters since pretty much day 1.  And I know that it can be done.  So really, enough of that dumbness.  
3. You're completely selfless. AllOfTheTime:  Oh. My. Gosh.  When I read how many women said that they were just "too selfish" to be a mom I threw up in my mouth a little.  And then I swallowed it, cuz that's what you do when you're an adult.  Because being an adult is gross sometimes. But for real - if not being selfish is a requirement of being a mom then I am the worst.  THE WORST.  And actually, every person is, because I think we're all pretty much naturally selfish.  The difference?  Trying to put someone else first (at least occasionally) - is what you have to do in any type of successful relationship.  So, if you plan on staying in a relationship, continuing to have friends or stay connected with family, you have to do this.  Therefore, it's a pretty dumb stereotype.  I'm sorry, but it's true.  I mean, thanks for thinking that I'm SUPER selfless.  But it's just not true.  So please don't make every mom out there sound angelic, like they are these innately selfless creatures.  We're not.  We're just trying to be bette at it.
4. You will always be poor. Always:  Ok.  You might actually be poor.  But chances are, if you are already poor then having kids doesn't really change that, so I don't really think that this one is fair.  I won't tell anyone how to manage their money, however I will say this - Finances are a part of living life, but they should not be the reason why you don't experience the fullness of living life!  
5. You will never screw up your kids. Never:  Alrighty, this is another one I laugh a little about.  Like, a little maniacal laugh.  Because I probably will screw my kid up a little.  Sometimes I think of how hilarious it would be to teach him that dogs are actually cats, and seeing how he turns out...  Oh my gosh - can you imagine how much he would add to the cat/dog people debates?  Hilar.  Seriously though, this seems like a totally legit thing.  But the reality is, we're all a little screwed up, and I refuse to try and live up to the expectation of being a perfect parent.  Also, it's a pretty slippery slope if you're deciding not to have a kid based on that mentality, one that certainly won't get you anywhere in life.  You're too afraid of failing so you don't even try...?  Don't try out for that new job, you might not get it.  Don't try that new recipe, it might suck. Don't go out on that date, cuz he/she might break your heart.  Ok.  If you wanna live that way, fine, but please don't throw the perfect parent image out there, because it's not fair to me or any other parent out there.
6. Your lifestyle is forever gone. Wave Goodbye!:  This is the most honest one that I saw.  And, surprise surprise, I can actually get behind this one.  I think that while this is still a stereotype, it is kinda true.  You can always keep lots of your old life, you don't have to become a soccer mom or uber hippie granola mom.  But, yes, if you choose, your life will change.  I am now a mom.  For the past 7 months.  But for 30 years before that, I wasn't a mom, and I remember what my lifestyle looked like before Mr. A.  And it was glorious!  Like, really awesome.  So, I get it.  If having a kid doesn't jive with the way that you want to live life, that's cool.  The only question I would pose is this - is the lifestyle that you're currently living going to be the same one you'll have in 5 years? What about 10, 20, 30?  If it is, great, sounds like you've got a sweet life headed your way.  But if not, maybe sit down and think about what's really gonna stick around in the future.  And if there are things that you know will fade, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your future before it becomes your (unchangable) past.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Having a kid was one of the best decisions we've ever made.  I mean, like in the history of all good decisions, this one really should be in the history books, just sayin'.

Check it - I know having a baby is not for everyone.  And I totally respect that.  I also know that there are quite a few people out there who want to have kids and just can't - and obviously none of the stuff above is aimed their way. 

I just really get a bee in my bonnet about these false images we create and expectations that women are supposed to live up to if they become mothers.  And I should really do the article justice by saying that there were some really interesting perspectives - so it wasn't a total loss :)

So, don't have a kid.  Or have a kid.  Whatever you want is fine,  Let's just try and not perpetuate any more mom myths :)