you were the one worth leaving...?

the district sleeps alone tonight?  or maybe not.

we've all been through it. friends who date and then break up.  unfortunately it's a fact of life.  there is nothing, as friends, that we can (and most of the time, should) do, but it still sucks.

now i don't mean to get overly sentimental here, cuz i get that breaking up is both "hard to do" and also a part of life, but truly, it is, at least at this point in life, difficult to adjust to as a friend.

i remember high school, and it was pretty much a never-ending hook-up then break-up cycle (and sometimes somewhere in between for extended periods of time).  it is what it is.  i'm neither defending or accepting the cycle, just pointing it out.

but once you get out of high school (and in some cases, college...), you realize (hopefully), that this is not the way to live life.  it's not a super great life strategy - to date someone, dump them, immediately move on to the next person, date them, dump them, so on and so on... i admit, i look back on my dating history slightly embarrassed, even though i didn't have a boyfriend until 17, i'm fully aware that i dated far too many people for my own liking, and certainly there were a few in there i wish i could erase from memory :)  history - nothing you can do about it, just move on, right?  yup.

anyway, back to the point.  i get that breaking up is a part of life, but what i refuse to agree with is that there is not a "right" way to do it. breakups bring out the worst in people, no doubt.  but, that doesn't give you a free pass.  and what comes out in those times really reaffirms your character (or lack thereof).  can there ever be a "clean break"?  maybe not, but i firmly believe that break-ups can be handled with integrity, honesty and respect for both individuals involved.  anything less than that, even if you are hurt/angry/upset/over it, you are not really doing the other person justice.  i mean, isn't this the person that you dedicated the past however-long-amount-of-time to?  you must have thought pretty highly of them at one point right?  and even if you don't now, it doesn't mean that you should treat them that way.  i just don't get this idea that people can just be discarded, thrown away like an old towel.  ugh, it just gets under my skin :(

so i've heard about a lot of friendships ending because of friends and/or friends of friends breaking up, and i never really got it.  i mean, it's not me breaking up, so why should i care?  if i love both people involved and they don't make me choose sides, why does it matter to me?  sure, it sucks that they broke up, but i want them both to be happy so as long as they are moving forward that's good, right?  later on in life i've found though, that is not always the case, unfortunately.  sometimes, as a friend, you see a side of someone during a break-up that you can't un-see, as much as you would like to.

this isn't an unforgiveness thing.  really, i mean, when you're just a friend, like i said before, for all intents and purposes you are unaffected by a breakup.  sucks, yes.  affects you, not really.  but there are sometimes when the way that those friends act that drives you to picking.  i'm not sayin it's right, or fair, but there are certain instances where it just feels like you have to follow one friend.  right?  maybe not?  i'm not sure, but when i look back over the last several years i feel like it's happened to me, the picking part that is.  maybe i'm alone in this situation... idk.   it's a hard place to be in, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone, but maybe i'm not alone in the "one worth leaving" dilemma.

maybe i will call this the friend follower syndrome... thoughts?  like i said, there's really no definite answer here, just some sadness that not everyone realizes that the way that they handle their personal lives really can affect their friendships as well.  i guess all that we can do is love and support, and hope for the best, eh?