fake it 'til you almost break it

adventures in new jobs are almost built in comedic relief.

life lesson? never take yourself too seriously...

so there i was, three days in at a new job, and along comes a little snag.  since i am a human resources professional, composure is a necessity.  salt needs pepper (the 90's singing sensation, not spices, obv), sunshine needs rain, and HR peps need their brains to work on overtime at all costs in order to keep them out of trouble. since i am clearly not naturally inclined to the whole "composure" thing, or really being reserved at all, i've taught myself a few tricks to keep my chatterbox mouth in line.

1. Gum - always keeps me about 2 seconds behind a convo, and who would think twice about someone chewing gum?

2. Throat clearing - cuz every one has a little phlegm in their life, right? gross - yes.  necessary - no. helpful - yes. do i really need to clear it (do i hear a little "Let me clear my throat"? thank you DJ Kool), nope, but the incidents it has helped avoid speak for themselves.

3. Dramatic pause while looking off into the distance as if you're thinking very hard - this one is tricky, cuz really, i am thinking REALLY hard, it just has nothing to do with what i was just asked, i am wracking my brain for an answer that will be HR appropriate and legally correct, without sounding like i am spittin policies in their general direction.

so these are my basic easy-outs (these also work really well in uber-complicated relationships that you don't really see going anywhere... not recommended for long-term healthy relationships, better to just be honest then :)). i can't tell you my knock-it-outta-the-park strategies cuz those are top secret.

k, back to my 4th day at the new job.  i am chomping at the proverbial bit to make a good impression.  i have been working hard, chattin up the locals and doin my best to really get to know everyone. today, i step into the plant, which restricts any gum, candy or liquid in it... only to quickly realize my major mistake. this is not a little issue, the company can get fined hundred thousands of dollars if bits of food (on, in or due to people), and stop short! so short, in fact, that i started to choke on my gum, drawing quite a bit of attention to myself... i coughed, clearing my throat and looked down embarrassed that i had caused a scene, only to realize that i was wearing sandals in the plant area which is also completely sandal-restricted. what the?!?

as i quickly did an about-face to leave the plant area as soon as i could, i walked straight into the door, trying to catch my balance i practically planted myself on the safety manager, ironically :)  brilliant move hr newb...  and that, my friends, was my 4th day at my new work.

what a way to make an impression :)