fragility.
i think it's such an interesting concept. right? we drive, speak and act as though it is a non-factor, right? as if we are this unaffected being, something that can survive anything. the idea of controlling our own destiny is an entirely intoxicating reality for most.
what i wish was more discussed, is the absolutely fragility of our lives, and everything that includes.
we blow through yellow-to-red stoplights, as though it's the norm, we talk as though those who we are speaking to will always be here by our side, we react in accordance with our feelings, as though those we love will not be eternally affected. the theme? invincibility.
no one should live their lives in fear, actions should not be taken or not taken due to the idea that tomorrow may never come - instead i truly believe that every moment should be lived as though you don't know what will come next. i mean really, isn't that the truth of it? you can't live a life full of what-ifs, but can you live a life you are proud without making every moment a conscious decision? not guilt, not pressure, just simple thought and decision-making. sometimes i think our culture, even christian culture, drives us toward this ideal of perfection, whatever that looks like. i don't mean that, but what i do think counts is that when we look back over life, our own and other... that we moved forward, we made decisions, we made waves, we loved, lost, looked, and everything in between.
i don't want to live a life full of looking back, wishing i would have been more attentive to my decisions... instead they were made by default.
we are all fragile, everything in our lives is fragile - and i think if we live without that fact in our every day lives we are fools. yes, God is in control, always. but if we ignore that anything can happen, at any time, we have learned nothing.
a truly wise individual sees that while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control what we do. there is no victim, there is no silly excuse, we choose, we move, we go, we do. just make sure that when you do, it is truly something from your heart - not a thoughtless reaction.
we are all fragile. handle with care.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
friends are friends for... never?
we all grow, do, move.
i know i've thrown this around before, but it is so hard to comprehend that with all of this change that we can possibly stay friends with all of those we come into contact with. close friends, ya know, not every acquaintance. i think what gets me the most is that, i really do think that there are seasons for everything. but what i gotta figure most people, even christians, don't take into account is that this whole season thing is a two-way street. sometimes God brings about a season in your life for a specific purpose, to forge something deep and beautiful in your soul. but sometimes, you bring about the season yourself, based on personal life choices. now i'm not saying the self-inflicted seasons are always bad for us, but let's face it, most of us don't bring a season of happiness upon ourselves, it's usually something not quite so grand (i.e. - we don't usually call having an awesome couple of a months a season, it's usually when the crap hits the proverbial fan :)).
(stepping off of pedestal)
i think that a lot of "seasons" in my life were due to my own human (aka - dumb) choices, and while Jesus brought something beautiful out of them, they were unintended miracles of the heart.
back to friends! if we are all experiencing seasons, and they may be God or self seasons, and throw in crazy life circumstances, it is just really hard to believe that some of our loved ones will always be exactly that... now i'm not talkin' marriage. as you know, i believe that this is a totally different matter, vows and all, "until death" is not a metaphor, or something to take lightly, it really means until your dying breath. something beautifully romantic in that, not death, but the inexplicable commitment of enduring love throughout years, generations, and finally, in the passing on to God's kingdom. i am not entirely excited to meet that day, for myself nor for Ryn, i know the heartbreak will be excruciating - but i am excited to meet my beautiful maker.
ok, no seriously, back to friends. i just don't know. don't get me wrong, i do have the best of friends, some of which i know that i will love forever and eva, that we will always be connected, even when we're too old to remember each other's names, we'll still sit together on a sunny porch, polishing off strawberry-rhubarb pie and flipping through whatever future "People" magazine they will have in 2080. but there are others, i just don't know... what if we all change? and what if that change is what defines where we are going? and what if where we are going is not only not in the same general vicinity, but in the exact opposite direction?
i know, my head gets too wrapped up in what if's. my uncle is a teacher who deals specifically with children who have special needs. he told me today about a little boy in his class who used to incessantly ask "but what if...?" after some time, my uncle has gotten him to the point where instead of asking "what if", he says "i have something to tell you..." there's a wonderful confidence in that little boy's statement. i guess i just need to have a little more of that in my life some days, and there's a never-ending wealth of that in a God with all of the answers.
maybe friends are friends forever.
i know i've thrown this around before, but it is so hard to comprehend that with all of this change that we can possibly stay friends with all of those we come into contact with. close friends, ya know, not every acquaintance. i think what gets me the most is that, i really do think that there are seasons for everything. but what i gotta figure most people, even christians, don't take into account is that this whole season thing is a two-way street. sometimes God brings about a season in your life for a specific purpose, to forge something deep and beautiful in your soul. but sometimes, you bring about the season yourself, based on personal life choices. now i'm not saying the self-inflicted seasons are always bad for us, but let's face it, most of us don't bring a season of happiness upon ourselves, it's usually something not quite so grand (i.e. - we don't usually call having an awesome couple of a months a season, it's usually when the crap hits the proverbial fan :)).
(stepping off of pedestal)
i think that a lot of "seasons" in my life were due to my own human (aka - dumb) choices, and while Jesus brought something beautiful out of them, they were unintended miracles of the heart.
back to friends! if we are all experiencing seasons, and they may be God or self seasons, and throw in crazy life circumstances, it is just really hard to believe that some of our loved ones will always be exactly that... now i'm not talkin' marriage. as you know, i believe that this is a totally different matter, vows and all, "until death" is not a metaphor, or something to take lightly, it really means until your dying breath. something beautifully romantic in that, not death, but the inexplicable commitment of enduring love throughout years, generations, and finally, in the passing on to God's kingdom. i am not entirely excited to meet that day, for myself nor for Ryn, i know the heartbreak will be excruciating - but i am excited to meet my beautiful maker.
ok, no seriously, back to friends. i just don't know. don't get me wrong, i do have the best of friends, some of which i know that i will love forever and eva, that we will always be connected, even when we're too old to remember each other's names, we'll still sit together on a sunny porch, polishing off strawberry-rhubarb pie and flipping through whatever future "People" magazine they will have in 2080. but there are others, i just don't know... what if we all change? and what if that change is what defines where we are going? and what if where we are going is not only not in the same general vicinity, but in the exact opposite direction?
i know, my head gets too wrapped up in what if's. my uncle is a teacher who deals specifically with children who have special needs. he told me today about a little boy in his class who used to incessantly ask "but what if...?" after some time, my uncle has gotten him to the point where instead of asking "what if", he says "i have something to tell you..." there's a wonderful confidence in that little boy's statement. i guess i just need to have a little more of that in my life some days, and there's a never-ending wealth of that in a God with all of the answers.
maybe friends are friends forever.
but that's a different kind of love, love, love, that i've been thinking of
i cannot count the times that i listened to the Fishy song by Philmore throughout high school and early in college. it holds such great memories, and yet, it's shocking to think that my life has changed so radically since that point in time that i don't even totally understand why i liked it so much back then.
isn't that kinda funny? things can have such emotion attached to them purely based on memories from past-you, but future-you would prolly laugh, not get them, or understand why silly past-you would ever like them. sometimes i wonder...
what would 18 year old Kelly have to tell 28 year old Kelly? i think people always talk 'bout it the other way around, ya know? like, what would 28 year old Kelly tell 18 year old Kelly. yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know this story line, "don't do this, you'll totally regret it", "bet on the Saints", "don't eat so much Taco Bell", etc etc. but the untold story of how not to forget who you used to be.
time can do some funny things to you, and i really think God leaves these grand little nuggets of memories for us to find, a gentle little reminder of who we were, or maybe who we still are, we've just hidden that part away for a little while.
time to come out and play lil' 18 year old Kelly, you had a lot of fun back then, let's try it again, only this time with 10 more years of knowledge behind you... put the two of us together and we could do some pretty awesome stuff :)
isn't that kinda funny? things can have such emotion attached to them purely based on memories from past-you, but future-you would prolly laugh, not get them, or understand why silly past-you would ever like them. sometimes i wonder...
what would 18 year old Kelly have to tell 28 year old Kelly? i think people always talk 'bout it the other way around, ya know? like, what would 28 year old Kelly tell 18 year old Kelly. yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know this story line, "don't do this, you'll totally regret it", "bet on the Saints", "don't eat so much Taco Bell", etc etc. but the untold story of how not to forget who you used to be.
time can do some funny things to you, and i really think God leaves these grand little nuggets of memories for us to find, a gentle little reminder of who we were, or maybe who we still are, we've just hidden that part away for a little while.
time to come out and play lil' 18 year old Kelly, you had a lot of fun back then, let's try it again, only this time with 10 more years of knowledge behind you... put the two of us together and we could do some pretty awesome stuff :)
i'm no superman
adulthood, the bane of ages... literally. the age of fall - a new season, the leaves fall, the birds fly south, the hibernation of many species. the beginning of winter brings the death of plants, but the birth of a new season. many things will live and love again, for other things it is the end of a season.
i've been thinking about new beginnings. fall is usually (at least in MN) a time of loss, time for things to return to the ground that they came from. but fall, beloved by many a minnesotan, is also a time for a refreshing start. me? i don't love fall because it means cold. i am a freezebaby by nature, cold is evil and warmth is god, but for once, i feel that fall is a season of purpose... not something to be taken lightly, but instead something to be valued.
i have hope, hope for a life unknown and the heart of what is to come. maybe it's an unnaturally warm october, maybe it's the beauty of a lying in the sun when it really should be too cold to even be outside without a jacket - or maybe, just maybe, this whole whole warmth thing is comin' from the inside, not the outside...
alright fall - let's do this!
i've been thinking about new beginnings. fall is usually (at least in MN) a time of loss, time for things to return to the ground that they came from. but fall, beloved by many a minnesotan, is also a time for a refreshing start. me? i don't love fall because it means cold. i am a freezebaby by nature, cold is evil and warmth is god, but for once, i feel that fall is a season of purpose... not something to be taken lightly, but instead something to be valued.
i have hope, hope for a life unknown and the heart of what is to come. maybe it's an unnaturally warm october, maybe it's the beauty of a lying in the sun when it really should be too cold to even be outside without a jacket - or maybe, just maybe, this whole whole warmth thing is comin' from the inside, not the outside...
alright fall - let's do this!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
jaded eyes
always interesting to me to see people who cannot admit past life choices they've made that were not wise (or even actual mistakes), because of their sheer fear that it would destroy the very fabric of who they now are and why. it's not that i think it's silly, i can understand the fear, but unless you married the wrong person (legit!), or you've murdered someone, chances are, it's gonna be okay.
take a deep breath and assess your life. it's okay to take a realistic look at it and admit the mistakes that you've made, and, "GASP!", no, really, i mean it - admit them.
now yes, it's true, there are people out there who have made life-altering, astronomically-large mistakes, that truly have transported them into a life that maybe, possibly, they just weren't meant for... but i would guess, those situations are relatively rare.
we, the collective we, for the most part, are not too stupid. typically if we are on the verge of a real dumb mistake someone we love (or sometimes hate) will drag us back from the brink, the cold facts of reality will slap our faces, and we will be thankful for the fresh perspective of those who can see things far more clearly than we can.
but - what happens when you look back on your life and there are one or two moments in which you know you truly did make a mistake? flawed judgement. i mean sure, we all make decisions we regret, like take the wrong exit, get off on the wrong floor, or snap at someone that really wasn't the reason for our crabiness... but i meant genuine mistake, one that when you look back over your life, stands out, not necessarily because of it's magnitude, but because of it's ramifications.
i don't really know what the answer is to this one. not much rolling around this head at 12am on a sunday morning, other than the fact that - we are all human. this is not an excuse, nor a reason. it is simply a fact.
that said - if you know that you have made a rather large incorrect life choice, a mistake, take care of it now, don't wait. did you steal a car? nope. did you rob a bank? highly unlikely. is it the end of the world? i think not. but it is never too late to change, never too late to not only realize who you want to be, but more poignant, who you are right now.
God can do some pretty amazing things. we just have to stop seeing it all through jaded human eyes.
take a deep breath and assess your life. it's okay to take a realistic look at it and admit the mistakes that you've made, and, "GASP!", no, really, i mean it - admit them.
now yes, it's true, there are people out there who have made life-altering, astronomically-large mistakes, that truly have transported them into a life that maybe, possibly, they just weren't meant for... but i would guess, those situations are relatively rare.
we, the collective we, for the most part, are not too stupid. typically if we are on the verge of a real dumb mistake someone we love (or sometimes hate) will drag us back from the brink, the cold facts of reality will slap our faces, and we will be thankful for the fresh perspective of those who can see things far more clearly than we can.
but - what happens when you look back on your life and there are one or two moments in which you know you truly did make a mistake? flawed judgement. i mean sure, we all make decisions we regret, like take the wrong exit, get off on the wrong floor, or snap at someone that really wasn't the reason for our crabiness... but i meant genuine mistake, one that when you look back over your life, stands out, not necessarily because of it's magnitude, but because of it's ramifications.
i don't really know what the answer is to this one. not much rolling around this head at 12am on a sunday morning, other than the fact that - we are all human. this is not an excuse, nor a reason. it is simply a fact.
that said - if you know that you have made a rather large incorrect life choice, a mistake, take care of it now, don't wait. did you steal a car? nope. did you rob a bank? highly unlikely. is it the end of the world? i think not. but it is never too late to change, never too late to not only realize who you want to be, but more poignant, who you are right now.
God can do some pretty amazing things. we just have to stop seeing it all through jaded human eyes.
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