throughout my life, i've had to face many things about myself that are rather unflattering; obnoxious and monkey-like laugh, limited bladder control, severe addition to fashion and clothes, i could go on... but one of my worst characteristics is a true lack of compassion. this is something that i really always have struggled with. i'm not sure why i don't have much of it naturally, i just don't.
but there is one specific thing that i see in the eyes of others that melts my heart into a puddle of compassion. someone crying? no way. someone looking stressed? nu uh. someone seeming frustrated? nope. but the second i see someone that has worn and tired-looking eyes, i most definitely feel compassion. for some reason seeing someone that looks like they've been through it all and continued to push on through, but is barely keeping it together, it just fills me with grace that is not my own.
recently i looked in the mirror and saw a shade of this in my own reflection, and i didn't like it. just tired. but i wasn't really sure what to do about it.
tonight i sat out under the stars listenin to ryn and the tonster wax intellectual and christian stuff, my brilliant hubby said somethin that hit me hard, somethin that someone very wise from the bozone said to him... when you find yourself in a hole, getting out seems like it's too hard and you just don't know what to do, you should stop. because maybe you're not in a hole, maybe you're in the beginning of a well, and there is a reason you're there, so start digging!
so, i'm still not sure exactly what i'm doing in this hole, or which direction i need to dig for this well, but i looked in the mirror, and i look just a little less worn... peace that passeth understanding.
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