now don't get me wrong, i try to be prepared for most situations. i typically carry an enormous purse (suitcase) with me everywhere with items ranging from tweezers (for that little hair that you just HAVE to get immediately) to 3 separate types of eye wear, and even to the extreme of a few "safety" items, which rotate depending on my current my level of neuroticism (a pair of unopened socks, the obligatory finger nail clipper and back-up nail file, the bobbypin/safety pin combo, emergency snack, the stain remover stick, during a particularly intense sushi craving phase i carried chop sticks and extra wasabi with me everywhere, and my recent fav, a stash of toothpicks for ry when he gets bored and needs something to do...)
the one thing i am never without though is gum. i love gum. i will shout it to the hills, and if necessary, to the faces of my many dentists throughout the years who have shaken their heads at my poor poor cavity-filled teeth. love. it.
yesterday was a big day. i had a very important meeting, so i was up extra early, and even ate breakfast, which i would find out later would be my ultimate demise. what, you say? how could breakfast be the downfall of our great and glorious hero on such an important day? could it be a rogue piece of spinach from a breakfast sandwich stuck in my teeth? possibly some left over egg staining a shirt? the possibilities are endless, right? well, it was some particularly strong-smelling breakfast foods that i consumed, and i neglected to check for my afore-mentioned necessary purse item, the beloved gum, prior to leaving for my meeting. on my way to the meeting i came to a stoplight and nonchalantly reached into my purse for a little fresh breath fixer, noticing that i really needed it, if you know what i mean... only to panic, finding a completely empty package! GASP! i had no extra time to stop at a gas station, and with every passing moment it became even more apparent that there was no way i would be taken seriously with this kind of breath!
i started to panic, what could i possibly do?! i became frantic, yanking everything out of my glove box trying to find something, anything, to freshen my breath. which, actually, in hindsight, probably took me just as long as it would have taken to stop at one of the three gas stations i saw on the way to my meeting. i arrived at the location for my meeting, and with one last hand-swipe through my purse/suitcase, i found... mint flavored burts bees chap stick. for those of you who are faint at heart... stop reading now. no really, i mean it, now. now dangit!
no build up necessary, i ate it. not the whole thing obviously, but certainly a good chunk. it was mint flavored, it tasted like crap (bee crap actually), but i didn't die and surprisingly it did actually freshen my breath. it remains to be seen just how much of my lifespan will be affected by this unwise breath-freshening choice, but i still count it as a victory... and also a new low.
so there you have it folks, the birds and the bees if you will, of freshening your breath when you literally have no options. also, the meeting went great. here's to hoping none of those people ever find this blog... :)
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