some days my cycnical side gets the best of me, and i begin to think that there are two types of people in this world: those who are too afraid to step out into the unknown, and those who do.
over the past couple of days i have stumbled upon several situations via strangers or acquaintances that have left me thinking about all of the decisions that we make in life, and how each person handles these decisions differently. i'm sure this goes back to some deep-seated (yes, that's right, i thought it was deep-seeded too, but google proved me wrong) matrix of life experiences and their outcomes, but still, it's interesting. i've talked about something similar this before, but i think that this is a bit different.
i've seen people stay with the same girlfriend or boyfriend for years and years, one that they are not really happy with, not well matched to and could do much much better than, but they are deeply afraid to be alone, so they stay and convince themselves that they are in love with them. i've seen people stay in jobs that they hate, with a company they despise and a position that literally makes them sick with stress. i've seen cars being driven around that are held together by duct tape, zip ties, and a few lucky coat hangers (ok, ok, guilty as charged!). yes yes, stop being so logical, everyone knows that in some instances, you may not financially have a choice about sticking with a few of these things, but in the grand scheme of things this is just a symptom. someone who stays with that significant other, in that job, or with that terribly terribly malformed car, is rarely nostalgic, they are simply too afraid to move forward, to try.
the unknown is scary (helllllo justification?), but what are we living for if not to try and experience some level of satisfaction with the amount of effort we've put into our own lives.
like i said, this could be a bit critical, and as usual, i tend to be generalizing, but it makes me sad to see lives being wasted. is this an american thing? a gen y thing? nah, i think it has a lot to do with where we are at spiritually, as in, typically God pushes you to move beyond what feels safe. beyond the known into the unknown. without taking a leap of faith, we would never find the loving arms of a God who rewards us for trusting him enough to follow him into what may seem like a crazy, half-cocked plan.
so why am i so stuck on this whole thing? i think because i see God asking me to trust him, i hear his voice asking me to dip my toe into the abyss of the unknown, but time and time again i shrink back into the warmth of the known, the comfort of my little, well-known nest of safety.
i see the consequences of my safety nets. do you see yours?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
justification - the disease of a lifetime
what is it about being questioned? why do we so quickly jump from a query to the blame-game, and almost immediately escalate to bitter justification?
there must be something about our sinful human nature that pulls this out of us, like one terrible moment ruining a perfect day, this is something truly ugly. as a teenager i spent way too much time in front of a mirror, looking only at a reflection and not much at the person staring back... my mom told me once "it doesn't matter how pretty you are on the outside if your insides are ugly." of course she was not referring to a rotten kidney or a spoiled stomach (these would be much easier to fix), but something much deeper... the heart. what is it that they call it? the human condition. that sounds just about right.
justification is an ailment that sinks it's nails into the minds of everyone at one time or another. when we are questioned, something, some unknown sense comes over us, a fear of the vulnerability in being wrong, a gut-reaction to an interrogation which we know we should have answers to, or do, but feel that the very core of of who we are is being called into question. what drives us to justification? is it because we have this intrinsic need to feel like we have some sort of control, that what we have done, thought or decided, is correct, no matter what anyone else says?
some people have said that this desire to justify is due to a lack of humility... i don't know about that. of course it's possible, and in certain instances, sure, arrogance can find it's way into any heart. but i think the real root of justification traces back to needing to feel that we have something to hang on to. if we act based on our knowledge, and then that act or knowledge is called into question, what a feeling of fear that can bring. what if we were wrong? and if we were, what does that mean? i don't think this fear is wrong... but i do think that the most often reaction (and immediate) is to begin to justify ones actions instead of weighing the words of another, to determine if their opinions, as hurtful as they may or may not be, may hold some truth to them. it is a scary (but very brave) thing to not only hear the doubt and questions of another, but to let that question be absorbed, pass through to your very marrow, and let the Holy Spirit speak to whether there is truth to it or not.
my battle? it's scary to be wrong. but if my decisions and actions are based on what i feel God has called me to, i guess i don't have to worry much about justification - my honor is defended in Him.
this life is no place for someone who can only look at a mirror and not see the person who is staring back.
there must be something about our sinful human nature that pulls this out of us, like one terrible moment ruining a perfect day, this is something truly ugly. as a teenager i spent way too much time in front of a mirror, looking only at a reflection and not much at the person staring back... my mom told me once "it doesn't matter how pretty you are on the outside if your insides are ugly." of course she was not referring to a rotten kidney or a spoiled stomach (these would be much easier to fix), but something much deeper... the heart. what is it that they call it? the human condition. that sounds just about right.
justification is an ailment that sinks it's nails into the minds of everyone at one time or another. when we are questioned, something, some unknown sense comes over us, a fear of the vulnerability in being wrong, a gut-reaction to an interrogation which we know we should have answers to, or do, but feel that the very core of of who we are is being called into question. what drives us to justification? is it because we have this intrinsic need to feel like we have some sort of control, that what we have done, thought or decided, is correct, no matter what anyone else says?
some people have said that this desire to justify is due to a lack of humility... i don't know about that. of course it's possible, and in certain instances, sure, arrogance can find it's way into any heart. but i think the real root of justification traces back to needing to feel that we have something to hang on to. if we act based on our knowledge, and then that act or knowledge is called into question, what a feeling of fear that can bring. what if we were wrong? and if we were, what does that mean? i don't think this fear is wrong... but i do think that the most often reaction (and immediate) is to begin to justify ones actions instead of weighing the words of another, to determine if their opinions, as hurtful as they may or may not be, may hold some truth to them. it is a scary (but very brave) thing to not only hear the doubt and questions of another, but to let that question be absorbed, pass through to your very marrow, and let the Holy Spirit speak to whether there is truth to it or not.
my battle? it's scary to be wrong. but if my decisions and actions are based on what i feel God has called me to, i guess i don't have to worry much about justification - my honor is defended in Him.
this life is no place for someone who can only look at a mirror and not see the person who is staring back.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
it's a sign of the times
birds chirping outside, but the snow is falling.
quiet, relaxing current music (89.3 yo) on in the background, but sharp thumps and bumps coming from the neighbors house.
moving forward, but tripping most of the way.
i have been amazed lately at the examples of how God pushes us, allows these crazy extremes in our lives.
"The Lord is my refuge and my fortress"
i sorta feel like that whole being put through the fire to bring out the purity in the gold is a constant cycle of my life. in high school we used to joke about re-learning lessons that we knew that we already knew, but seemed to forget just in time to need a refresher course via God. but here i am 10 years later and still freezing in my steps, thinking for a split second and then smacking my hand to my head thinkin - COME ON, you KNOW THIS!! ironically, it never seems to be things that i just need to know, it's things that i need to do. it's not like getting back from the grocery store and thinking, crap, i forgot the milk... i get milk every single time i go to the store, how could i forget that?! it's more along the lines of, i know how God expects and desires me to handle these life situations, i may have even done then dozens or even a hundred times before, and yet, i still manage to get wrapped up in my own life and somehow miss the signs... all of the sudden i'm in the proverbial des moines IA and have no idea why i'm there or what i should do. after a minute or two (or months depending on just how dumb i am at the time), God gently reminds me, this is why i've brought you to this crossroad again, i have more to teach you.
these types of situations are both a blessing and a curse (but i guess since it seems like they will be happening for the rest of my entire life i should just start seeing them as just blessings... :)). a blessing because this gives me another chance to do it right, to follow God's direction, to utilize the grace that He is offering me to handle a situation that i am not capable of handling myself... a curse because it's so darn humbling.
ahhh humbling. this is one of my absolute favorite memories from high school. somewhere along the lines, in our mixed up holier-than-thou attitude and theology-lite, we had this thing. long story short, in the most high-school-appropriate-level-of-maturity we would ask God to humble someone. oh of course, we'd say it in the most christian way possible - we were worried about their attitude or their pride, we thought that it was affecting them, and we were really just asking God to humble them for their own good. right...
alright, set aside your many judgments regarding our clear lack of biblical knowledge and hypocrisy on this matter and just take a second to think about how absolutely absurd this whole concept was. ooooooh, but it worked! lemme tell you, we prayed for quite a few people to be "humbled" and boy, we were not disappointed! i realize that this was never how God intended for humility to be viewed. ironically, we all learned our lesson regarding this, and all were humbled by our lack of humility. funny how God does that :)
must just be a sign of the times - time to re-learn, time to be made aware once again of the fact that God is constantly shaping and reshaping us, and we can be confident in the fact that He is never quite through with us. and even though this can be an exhausting thought, i somehow always feel refreshed. what a good God we serve.
quiet, relaxing current music (89.3 yo) on in the background, but sharp thumps and bumps coming from the neighbors house.
moving forward, but tripping most of the way.
i have been amazed lately at the examples of how God pushes us, allows these crazy extremes in our lives.
"The Lord is my refuge and my fortress"
i sorta feel like that whole being put through the fire to bring out the purity in the gold is a constant cycle of my life. in high school we used to joke about re-learning lessons that we knew that we already knew, but seemed to forget just in time to need a refresher course via God. but here i am 10 years later and still freezing in my steps, thinking for a split second and then smacking my hand to my head thinkin - COME ON, you KNOW THIS!! ironically, it never seems to be things that i just need to know, it's things that i need to do. it's not like getting back from the grocery store and thinking, crap, i forgot the milk... i get milk every single time i go to the store, how could i forget that?! it's more along the lines of, i know how God expects and desires me to handle these life situations, i may have even done then dozens or even a hundred times before, and yet, i still manage to get wrapped up in my own life and somehow miss the signs... all of the sudden i'm in the proverbial des moines IA and have no idea why i'm there or what i should do. after a minute or two (or months depending on just how dumb i am at the time), God gently reminds me, this is why i've brought you to this crossroad again, i have more to teach you.
these types of situations are both a blessing and a curse (but i guess since it seems like they will be happening for the rest of my entire life i should just start seeing them as just blessings... :)). a blessing because this gives me another chance to do it right, to follow God's direction, to utilize the grace that He is offering me to handle a situation that i am not capable of handling myself... a curse because it's so darn humbling.
ahhh humbling. this is one of my absolute favorite memories from high school. somewhere along the lines, in our mixed up holier-than-thou attitude and theology-lite, we had this thing. long story short, in the most high-school-appropriate-level-of-maturity we would ask God to humble someone. oh of course, we'd say it in the most christian way possible - we were worried about their attitude or their pride, we thought that it was affecting them, and we were really just asking God to humble them for their own good. right...
alright, set aside your many judgments regarding our clear lack of biblical knowledge and hypocrisy on this matter and just take a second to think about how absolutely absurd this whole concept was. ooooooh, but it worked! lemme tell you, we prayed for quite a few people to be "humbled" and boy, we were not disappointed! i realize that this was never how God intended for humility to be viewed. ironically, we all learned our lesson regarding this, and all were humbled by our lack of humility. funny how God does that :)
must just be a sign of the times - time to re-learn, time to be made aware once again of the fact that God is constantly shaping and reshaping us, and we can be confident in the fact that He is never quite through with us. and even though this can be an exhausting thought, i somehow always feel refreshed. what a good God we serve.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
a new low - the art of freshening breath
now don't get me wrong, i try to be prepared for most situations. i typically carry an enormous purse (suitcase) with me everywhere with items ranging from tweezers (for that little hair that you just HAVE to get immediately) to 3 separate types of eye wear, and even to the extreme of a few "safety" items, which rotate depending on my current my level of neuroticism (a pair of unopened socks, the obligatory finger nail clipper and back-up nail file, the bobbypin/safety pin combo, emergency snack, the stain remover stick, during a particularly intense sushi craving phase i carried chop sticks and extra wasabi with me everywhere, and my recent fav, a stash of toothpicks for ry when he gets bored and needs something to do...)
the one thing i am never without though is gum. i love gum. i will shout it to the hills, and if necessary, to the faces of my many dentists throughout the years who have shaken their heads at my poor poor cavity-filled teeth. love. it.
yesterday was a big day. i had a very important meeting, so i was up extra early, and even ate breakfast, which i would find out later would be my ultimate demise. what, you say? how could breakfast be the downfall of our great and glorious hero on such an important day? could it be a rogue piece of spinach from a breakfast sandwich stuck in my teeth? possibly some left over egg staining a shirt? the possibilities are endless, right? well, it was some particularly strong-smelling breakfast foods that i consumed, and i neglected to check for my afore-mentioned necessary purse item, the beloved gum, prior to leaving for my meeting. on my way to the meeting i came to a stoplight and nonchalantly reached into my purse for a little fresh breath fixer, noticing that i really needed it, if you know what i mean... only to panic, finding a completely empty package! GASP! i had no extra time to stop at a gas station, and with every passing moment it became even more apparent that there was no way i would be taken seriously with this kind of breath!
i started to panic, what could i possibly do?! i became frantic, yanking everything out of my glove box trying to find something, anything, to freshen my breath. which, actually, in hindsight, probably took me just as long as it would have taken to stop at one of the three gas stations i saw on the way to my meeting. i arrived at the location for my meeting, and with one last hand-swipe through my purse/suitcase, i found... mint flavored burts bees chap stick. for those of you who are faint at heart... stop reading now. no really, i mean it, now. now dangit!
no build up necessary, i ate it. not the whole thing obviously, but certainly a good chunk. it was mint flavored, it tasted like crap (bee crap actually), but i didn't die and surprisingly it did actually freshen my breath. it remains to be seen just how much of my lifespan will be affected by this unwise breath-freshening choice, but i still count it as a victory... and also a new low.
so there you have it folks, the birds and the bees if you will, of freshening your breath when you literally have no options. also, the meeting went great. here's to hoping none of those people ever find this blog... :)
the one thing i am never without though is gum. i love gum. i will shout it to the hills, and if necessary, to the faces of my many dentists throughout the years who have shaken their heads at my poor poor cavity-filled teeth. love. it.
yesterday was a big day. i had a very important meeting, so i was up extra early, and even ate breakfast, which i would find out later would be my ultimate demise. what, you say? how could breakfast be the downfall of our great and glorious hero on such an important day? could it be a rogue piece of spinach from a breakfast sandwich stuck in my teeth? possibly some left over egg staining a shirt? the possibilities are endless, right? well, it was some particularly strong-smelling breakfast foods that i consumed, and i neglected to check for my afore-mentioned necessary purse item, the beloved gum, prior to leaving for my meeting. on my way to the meeting i came to a stoplight and nonchalantly reached into my purse for a little fresh breath fixer, noticing that i really needed it, if you know what i mean... only to panic, finding a completely empty package! GASP! i had no extra time to stop at a gas station, and with every passing moment it became even more apparent that there was no way i would be taken seriously with this kind of breath!
i started to panic, what could i possibly do?! i became frantic, yanking everything out of my glove box trying to find something, anything, to freshen my breath. which, actually, in hindsight, probably took me just as long as it would have taken to stop at one of the three gas stations i saw on the way to my meeting. i arrived at the location for my meeting, and with one last hand-swipe through my purse/suitcase, i found... mint flavored burts bees chap stick. for those of you who are faint at heart... stop reading now. no really, i mean it, now. now dangit!
no build up necessary, i ate it. not the whole thing obviously, but certainly a good chunk. it was mint flavored, it tasted like crap (bee crap actually), but i didn't die and surprisingly it did actually freshen my breath. it remains to be seen just how much of my lifespan will be affected by this unwise breath-freshening choice, but i still count it as a victory... and also a new low.
so there you have it folks, the birds and the bees if you will, of freshening your breath when you literally have no options. also, the meeting went great. here's to hoping none of those people ever find this blog... :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
movin on (and on, and on, and on...)
i have approximately 27 years, 8 months, 15 days and 17 hours (give or take a few minutes) worth of experience in my life. granted, it's not much in comparison to those who have several more generations under their belt, but it's something at least. one of the things that i have noticed in my 27+ years is the drastic differences in our (as individuals) ability to cope with change. it seems that to some people, change is a necessary constant, something that phases them no more than brushing their teeth or shoveling their drive way. change junkies not included, since i think that may actually be some sort of a mental health issue (not sayin, just sayin....) to others, change is terrifying, something to be completely avoided, even to the extent of becoming entirely debilitating.
one of change's most predominant forms is found in relationships. the relationship form of change can range anywhere from the pathetic ex-girlfriend who just won't give up hope years later, to the constant reformation of a relationship with a father suffering from alzheimers. if people are always changing, then so must relationships, even if that means a lack thereof. the thing i find most interesting and challenging is that if your natural coping mechanisms for change, excuse my terminology, suck, it is a very real possibility that you will struggle deeply in your relationships. now, of course that doesn't mean that just because you're great at coping, or even encouraging change, that you will have successful relationships.
here's what i keep tryin to wrap my brain around. if each one of us is constantly changing, so are our relationships, and as relationships make up much of what our lives are constructed of, at what point, if at all, do you decide that the change is too much...? you've grown too far apart, the other person (or yourself) is just too different, or you don't have anything in common any longer. non-christian and christian counselors alike all say that one of the biggest factors in having a successful relationship (fam, friends, spouse, etc) is learning to grow with one another. this has struck me as a really great point, though not because so-called mental professionals have said so, but because it not only points out that we need to run alongside each other throughout our lives, but it also implies that we should be constantly growing (which i believe is much different than just changing).
since poppin out of the womb, nearly 28 years full of a gosh-darn lot of experiences, i've seen a lot of relationships crumble, and i'm tryin real hard to pinpoint this whole change thing, because i think it certainly plays a strategic role. there are a lot of beautiful marriages that i have seen fall apart, not due to any straying, financial struggles or major life event... no, they fell apart one day at a time, one less kiss goodbye, one less weekend away, one less heartfelt conversation. and in it's place? one more hour or two of working late, one more project that just has to get done, one more hobby that fills up the space that person once held. of course this happens in friendships too, but i think i'll tackle that one later... but in marriages it is devastating, lives are uprooted, trust is gone and allegiances are broken.
so why? can all of this be blamed on change? we all change, so it's inevitable that things will have to end at some point, right? i think the non-christian culture will tell you that it is completely normal to grow and change, that at some point, that person who was perfect for you is no longer the ideal mate, and that it's okay to move on. but, clearly the bible does not feel this way (more on this in a later post...) to be honest, i don't really think the blame lies on just one thing, because what good does that do? it will not change the heartbreaking outcome of a relationship ending, especially a divorce. but it does leave us with a very specific example of how to fight the 50% and growing divorce rate in the US (and even higher among christians). never let the one less start. instead of hitting a wall, waking up one morning to realize that you don't really know the person lying next to you, make every day count. grow with each other every day. EVERY. DAY. change may be an excuse, but it certainly is not a reason. the sovereignty of God and His ability to unite two souls for all of their time here on earth is not a maybe... it is a certainty.
so i guess i'm leaving you feeling like i have more questions than answers, but hey, maybe my opinions will change... :)
special note: unhealthy relationships are a totally different matter. a little tiny fey action: that's a dealbreakahhhh! if someone is co-dependent, manipulative, deceptive, abusive, controlling or has a negative effect on the relationship/person, then i would argue that all of the change mumbo-jumbo that i've just spewed out doesn't much apply. there are many relationships out there that ended, and needed to end, because it was not healthy for one or both of the individuals involved. those are the ones that you just gotta cut the cord completely and move on from, nobody wins if you're standing around tryin to salvage it all.
one of change's most predominant forms is found in relationships. the relationship form of change can range anywhere from the pathetic ex-girlfriend who just won't give up hope years later, to the constant reformation of a relationship with a father suffering from alzheimers. if people are always changing, then so must relationships, even if that means a lack thereof. the thing i find most interesting and challenging is that if your natural coping mechanisms for change, excuse my terminology, suck, it is a very real possibility that you will struggle deeply in your relationships. now, of course that doesn't mean that just because you're great at coping, or even encouraging change, that you will have successful relationships.
here's what i keep tryin to wrap my brain around. if each one of us is constantly changing, so are our relationships, and as relationships make up much of what our lives are constructed of, at what point, if at all, do you decide that the change is too much...? you've grown too far apart, the other person (or yourself) is just too different, or you don't have anything in common any longer. non-christian and christian counselors alike all say that one of the biggest factors in having a successful relationship (fam, friends, spouse, etc) is learning to grow with one another. this has struck me as a really great point, though not because so-called mental professionals have said so, but because it not only points out that we need to run alongside each other throughout our lives, but it also implies that we should be constantly growing (which i believe is much different than just changing).
since poppin out of the womb, nearly 28 years full of a gosh-darn lot of experiences, i've seen a lot of relationships crumble, and i'm tryin real hard to pinpoint this whole change thing, because i think it certainly plays a strategic role. there are a lot of beautiful marriages that i have seen fall apart, not due to any straying, financial struggles or major life event... no, they fell apart one day at a time, one less kiss goodbye, one less weekend away, one less heartfelt conversation. and in it's place? one more hour or two of working late, one more project that just has to get done, one more hobby that fills up the space that person once held. of course this happens in friendships too, but i think i'll tackle that one later... but in marriages it is devastating, lives are uprooted, trust is gone and allegiances are broken.
so why? can all of this be blamed on change? we all change, so it's inevitable that things will have to end at some point, right? i think the non-christian culture will tell you that it is completely normal to grow and change, that at some point, that person who was perfect for you is no longer the ideal mate, and that it's okay to move on. but, clearly the bible does not feel this way (more on this in a later post...) to be honest, i don't really think the blame lies on just one thing, because what good does that do? it will not change the heartbreaking outcome of a relationship ending, especially a divorce. but it does leave us with a very specific example of how to fight the 50% and growing divorce rate in the US (and even higher among christians). never let the one less start. instead of hitting a wall, waking up one morning to realize that you don't really know the person lying next to you, make every day count. grow with each other every day. EVERY. DAY. change may be an excuse, but it certainly is not a reason. the sovereignty of God and His ability to unite two souls for all of their time here on earth is not a maybe... it is a certainty.
so i guess i'm leaving you feeling like i have more questions than answers, but hey, maybe my opinions will change... :)
special note: unhealthy relationships are a totally different matter. a little tiny fey action: that's a dealbreakahhhh! if someone is co-dependent, manipulative, deceptive, abusive, controlling or has a negative effect on the relationship/person, then i would argue that all of the change mumbo-jumbo that i've just spewed out doesn't much apply. there are many relationships out there that ended, and needed to end, because it was not healthy for one or both of the individuals involved. those are the ones that you just gotta cut the cord completely and move on from, nobody wins if you're standing around tryin to salvage it all.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
the Gothers conundrum
the Gothers conundrum is something that i have struggled with for at least the past couple of years. there are actually few things that i have struggled with more than this (though let's be honest, i am really just one big struggle as it is :)).
here's the thing, post old-testament (which is, of course just as important as the old testament, just talkin biblical timeline-wise), it is pretty clear that Jesus pointed out his two biggies for those who desire to follow him:
commandment 1: love God
commandment 2: love others
put 'em together, God + others = Gothers
so, for a little background info:
Matthew's version is a bit different, but i'm still a big fan (i like to use just abt as many versions of the bible as possible, can't help it :)). as it should, context comes into play: this is actually a prime example of Jesus being able to take one look at the little scheme the they're-not-phar-ya-sees had cooked up and blasting them right out of the water with a response that not only made their nasty little question sound silly, but also provided all of the rest of us with some life-long guidance, which is his two main commandments, love God, love others. -1 for the bad guys, +10 for Jesus. win!
i have begun to notice a growing trend in churches, one that originally confused me, then frustrated me, and now just makes me a bit sad. and that trend is that there is a very high focus (in some churches) on commandment number 2, and less of a focus on commandment number 1. now don't get me wrong, most churches still stick to their doctrine, the basic of "we love God", but it has become very blurry as to what this actually entails. and let's be honest, it is often easier in a seeker-sensitive church to put a specific focus on loving others (who we can see and interact with, and work towards bringing to faith) and put more of a general focus on loving God (who we not only cannot see, but poses an major unknown as to how exactly to love him, or what that even looks like on a daily basis). unfortunately, i have walked into some churches and been shown incredible love and acceptance, but did not experience any major direction toward who God is and how we can love him more, beyond what was mentioned as loving others. i think at times this may even be completely unintentional; just a church trying to teach christians what love is like. but in actuality, it is creating a very deep barrier, one that i fear will keep new christians from truly understanding what our lives and love should look like.
thus the Gothers conundrum. by my definition (and since this isn't an actual word, it's really the only definition), this means that a church or individual focuses more on loving others than it does on loving God, which automatically puts it at odds with both Matthew and Luke (as well as the rest of the bible, and reason for being a christian as whole). and lemme tell you, context doesn't fix this one.
now, back to the bible verses! in Luke's version, the conversation is specific (or at least the question is, maybe not the implications) to what we must do to get into heaven. i get that we need to love others, i truly believe it is a necessity. but here is the core of it - there are many people out there who love others and place their needs about their own, but they do not know God and according to the bible, because of that will not go to heaven (John 14:6). i also believe that there are people out there who love Jesus, but who are not super great at loving others, maybe they are working at it, and i think that is the most important part.
admittedly, i am no theologian (thank God for you guys, cuz if i was this post would be approximately 20 pages longer with a lot of little footnotes...), but i can't help but believe Jesus was trying to point out three very specific things in these verses:
1) Jesus is saying I am always first. Always. In your heart, in your head, in your life, no matter what, I AM first.
2) for the most part, we love ourselves, and minus the cranky days or those in which we know we're not a real great person, we seem to have a bit more understanding and forgiveness for ourselves (as opposed to others, who we might/do critique). now, i know i know, we get down on ourselves too, but just follow me here, you know your own excuses and are a heck of a lot nicer to your own psyche than you are (as a general rule) to every single person you come into contact with. i think Jesus was trying to point out: see how well you treat your body? See how you treat yourself? Make sure you are extending that same love and grace to others. i have said that you need to love me, because i first loved you, and now it's time to complete the cycle by you loving others just as much as you love yourself and me. "love your neighbor AS yourself"!
3) you need to obey both of these commandments, but they are NOT interchangable. though it's not directly stated in these verses, both the new and old testament are pretty clear that humans are full of fault, and are incapable of loving perfectly. we need Jesus to give us love so that we can truly extend it to others. if that is the basis for much of the bible (and therefore also these two verses), one could infer that you must FIRST love God in order to even be able to love others. instead I feel that some have taken it too far saying that if we don't love others we are not going to heaven or have failed miserably as a christian. well, i would sort of agree with the second part, but really, if you are truly loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind, i don't think it's even possible for you to not love others because it's not coming from you, it's coming from Him - making that point pretty much null and void.
so what would this really look like? if you actually lived your life by these two commandments above all us? in order, God first always, others second. boy, if just one church took this challenge for a month, i think it would start a change that couldn't be stopped.
my heart is for Jesus, and because of that, my heart is for others. but it has to be in that order. if you take things out of that order you are not only stuck in the Gothers conundrum, but i would say you're more of an otherian, rather than a christian. please understand, this is not meant to offend, but simply to point out how far we have fallen in certain ways, and placed others (used in different settings, named as: neighbors, friends, family, the new hotness term is "community") above God. i see more energy put into trying to get people into church (or a small group, meal group, community group, etc etc) than is spent on their own personal relationships with Jesus, and i think that is just plain wrong. yes, your "community" is important, but community does not create a genuine relationship with Christ, even if you are doing all of these things in His name.
alright, so call me a hypocrite, cuz i am. but i am workin towards getting better. i am trying to stop doing so many activities, stop spending more time reaching out to others than i am spending time with Jesus. and using all of that extra time to invest specifically in some form of worship (that does not involve others). don't get me wrong, serving God by serving others is great, but that alone cannot sustain a relationship with God, there needs to be much much more.
i'm guessing i've lost approximately 95% of you throughout the course of this post since it is too theological for some and not nearly theological for others, but if you've made it this far, i just as one thing: ask yourself what your life would look like if you counter-acted the Gothers conundrum? even just for a week? just a thought...
here's the thing, post old-testament (which is, of course just as important as the old testament, just talkin biblical timeline-wise), it is pretty clear that Jesus pointed out his two biggies for those who desire to follow him:
commandment 1: love God
commandment 2: love others
put 'em together, God + others = Gothers
so, for a little background info:
Luke 10:25-28
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
Luke's version always makes me grin a bit, it's so straight forward that i just can't help but smile. the thing that is important to note is that this verse is focused on how to get eternal life, more on that later.
Matthew 22:35-40
35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew's version is a bit different, but i'm still a big fan (i like to use just abt as many versions of the bible as possible, can't help it :)). as it should, context comes into play: this is actually a prime example of Jesus being able to take one look at the little scheme the they're-not-phar-ya-sees had cooked up and blasting them right out of the water with a response that not only made their nasty little question sound silly, but also provided all of the rest of us with some life-long guidance, which is his two main commandments, love God, love others. -1 for the bad guys, +10 for Jesus. win!
i have begun to notice a growing trend in churches, one that originally confused me, then frustrated me, and now just makes me a bit sad. and that trend is that there is a very high focus (in some churches) on commandment number 2, and less of a focus on commandment number 1. now don't get me wrong, most churches still stick to their doctrine, the basic of "we love God", but it has become very blurry as to what this actually entails. and let's be honest, it is often easier in a seeker-sensitive church to put a specific focus on loving others (who we can see and interact with, and work towards bringing to faith) and put more of a general focus on loving God (who we not only cannot see, but poses an major unknown as to how exactly to love him, or what that even looks like on a daily basis). unfortunately, i have walked into some churches and been shown incredible love and acceptance, but did not experience any major direction toward who God is and how we can love him more, beyond what was mentioned as loving others. i think at times this may even be completely unintentional; just a church trying to teach christians what love is like. but in actuality, it is creating a very deep barrier, one that i fear will keep new christians from truly understanding what our lives and love should look like.
thus the Gothers conundrum. by my definition (and since this isn't an actual word, it's really the only definition), this means that a church or individual focuses more on loving others than it does on loving God, which automatically puts it at odds with both Matthew and Luke (as well as the rest of the bible, and reason for being a christian as whole). and lemme tell you, context doesn't fix this one.
now, back to the bible verses! in Luke's version, the conversation is specific (or at least the question is, maybe not the implications) to what we must do to get into heaven. i get that we need to love others, i truly believe it is a necessity. but here is the core of it - there are many people out there who love others and place their needs about their own, but they do not know God and according to the bible, because of that will not go to heaven (John 14:6). i also believe that there are people out there who love Jesus, but who are not super great at loving others, maybe they are working at it, and i think that is the most important part.
admittedly, i am no theologian (thank God for you guys, cuz if i was this post would be approximately 20 pages longer with a lot of little footnotes...), but i can't help but believe Jesus was trying to point out three very specific things in these verses:
1) Jesus is saying I am always first. Always. In your heart, in your head, in your life, no matter what, I AM first.
2) for the most part, we love ourselves, and minus the cranky days or those in which we know we're not a real great person, we seem to have a bit more understanding and forgiveness for ourselves (as opposed to others, who we might/do critique). now, i know i know, we get down on ourselves too, but just follow me here, you know your own excuses and are a heck of a lot nicer to your own psyche than you are (as a general rule) to every single person you come into contact with. i think Jesus was trying to point out: see how well you treat your body? See how you treat yourself? Make sure you are extending that same love and grace to others. i have said that you need to love me, because i first loved you, and now it's time to complete the cycle by you loving others just as much as you love yourself and me. "love your neighbor AS yourself"!
3) you need to obey both of these commandments, but they are NOT interchangable. though it's not directly stated in these verses, both the new and old testament are pretty clear that humans are full of fault, and are incapable of loving perfectly. we need Jesus to give us love so that we can truly extend it to others. if that is the basis for much of the bible (and therefore also these two verses), one could infer that you must FIRST love God in order to even be able to love others. instead I feel that some have taken it too far saying that if we don't love others we are not going to heaven or have failed miserably as a christian. well, i would sort of agree with the second part, but really, if you are truly loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind, i don't think it's even possible for you to not love others because it's not coming from you, it's coming from Him - making that point pretty much null and void.
so what would this really look like? if you actually lived your life by these two commandments above all us? in order, God first always, others second. boy, if just one church took this challenge for a month, i think it would start a change that couldn't be stopped.
my heart is for Jesus, and because of that, my heart is for others. but it has to be in that order. if you take things out of that order you are not only stuck in the Gothers conundrum, but i would say you're more of an otherian, rather than a christian. please understand, this is not meant to offend, but simply to point out how far we have fallen in certain ways, and placed others (used in different settings, named as: neighbors, friends, family, the new hotness term is "community") above God. i see more energy put into trying to get people into church (or a small group, meal group, community group, etc etc) than is spent on their own personal relationships with Jesus, and i think that is just plain wrong. yes, your "community" is important, but community does not create a genuine relationship with Christ, even if you are doing all of these things in His name.
alright, so call me a hypocrite, cuz i am. but i am workin towards getting better. i am trying to stop doing so many activities, stop spending more time reaching out to others than i am spending time with Jesus. and using all of that extra time to invest specifically in some form of worship (that does not involve others). don't get me wrong, serving God by serving others is great, but that alone cannot sustain a relationship with God, there needs to be much much more.
i'm guessing i've lost approximately 95% of you throughout the course of this post since it is too theological for some and not nearly theological for others, but if you've made it this far, i just as one thing: ask yourself what your life would look like if you counter-acted the Gothers conundrum? even just for a week? just a thought...
Saturday, April 2, 2011
you wanted more
0 + 0 + 0 = a lot
if you could analyze it, if it was possible to determine which things in your life were considered "big" things, and which ones were "little" things, and then somehow find a way to quantify it, what do you think the results would be? would the bulk of all of the big things outweigh the little?
i stubbed my toe, spilled my coffee, got to work late and caught my hair in my car door. all very little things (none of which happened on any particular day, but due to my uncanny clutzy abilities, occur on a very regular basis), but you can bet that will put you in a foul mood, one that is quite possibly the start of a very bad day.
someone let me merge into rush hour traffic with a wave and a smile, the clerk made a joke as i paid for my gas, and the weather was 5 degrees warmer than the forecast predicted with a bit of sun for good measure. still, very small things, but it's certain that this will have a profound effect on my demeanor for the rest of whatever awesome day enveloped all of those things.
first and foremost, little or big, the things that we experience or happen to us do not define us. how we react, and most importantly, how we let God work in us, will define us. you should find no excuses in my descriptions of both bad and good days, simply some examples of the little things that we rarely stop to think about before complaining "i've had a TERRIBLE day", when in actuality, we just had a few things go wrong, and we let it define the rest of how our day went.
now don't get me wrong, the big things in our lives, death, wedding days, new jobs, or major illnesses definitely have a profound impact on who we are as individuals, but why is it that they are so much more dramatic and receive so much more attention? we see someone who leans on God during an extremely difficult divorce and we praise them for their grace and ability to handle something so terrible... but what about the neighbor next door, who for the past 20 years has been faithful in all of the little things, consistent in his dedication to serving God and others, but has not suffered major setbacks or been privileged to experience something monumental?
both the big and the little things have an incredible effect on who we are, but more importantly, who we chose to be. we must pay proper respect to the small things in our lives, because they may in fact, be what turns the tide of our day to day life experiences. God will give us everything that we need to face each second of every day, but He does give us free will to react poorly as well. what is that quote? who you are when you're hungry, tired and worn down is who you are at your core - and let's be honest, for most of us (if you're a food-holic, high maintenance sleeper who can get crabby fast like me, well, good luck...), that's not exactly the nicest person.
the cliche answer to it all? your life is what you make it! life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it (as my very wise husband always tells me).
if you could analyze it, if it was possible to determine which things in your life were considered "big" things, and which ones were "little" things, and then somehow find a way to quantify it, what do you think the results would be? would the bulk of all of the big things outweigh the little?
i stubbed my toe, spilled my coffee, got to work late and caught my hair in my car door. all very little things (none of which happened on any particular day, but due to my uncanny clutzy abilities, occur on a very regular basis), but you can bet that will put you in a foul mood, one that is quite possibly the start of a very bad day.
someone let me merge into rush hour traffic with a wave and a smile, the clerk made a joke as i paid for my gas, and the weather was 5 degrees warmer than the forecast predicted with a bit of sun for good measure. still, very small things, but it's certain that this will have a profound effect on my demeanor for the rest of whatever awesome day enveloped all of those things.
first and foremost, little or big, the things that we experience or happen to us do not define us. how we react, and most importantly, how we let God work in us, will define us. you should find no excuses in my descriptions of both bad and good days, simply some examples of the little things that we rarely stop to think about before complaining "i've had a TERRIBLE day", when in actuality, we just had a few things go wrong, and we let it define the rest of how our day went.
now don't get me wrong, the big things in our lives, death, wedding days, new jobs, or major illnesses definitely have a profound impact on who we are as individuals, but why is it that they are so much more dramatic and receive so much more attention? we see someone who leans on God during an extremely difficult divorce and we praise them for their grace and ability to handle something so terrible... but what about the neighbor next door, who for the past 20 years has been faithful in all of the little things, consistent in his dedication to serving God and others, but has not suffered major setbacks or been privileged to experience something monumental?
both the big and the little things have an incredible effect on who we are, but more importantly, who we chose to be. we must pay proper respect to the small things in our lives, because they may in fact, be what turns the tide of our day to day life experiences. God will give us everything that we need to face each second of every day, but He does give us free will to react poorly as well. what is that quote? who you are when you're hungry, tired and worn down is who you are at your core - and let's be honest, for most of us (if you're a food-holic, high maintenance sleeper who can get crabby fast like me, well, good luck...), that's not exactly the nicest person.
the cliche answer to it all? your life is what you make it! life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it (as my very wise husband always tells me).
Friday, April 1, 2011
sometimes i feel like it's all been done
ok, so the beginning of a blog is supposed to be super exciting to draw people in, right? interesting, how we have begun a practice that requires us to win over complete strangers just so that they find us worthwhile enough to learn more about, right? well move on now complete strangers - you will not only find me unwittingly thoughtless, but also completely full of rants and trendy sub-topics. ranging from over-your-head-in-an-under-current depth to the absolute nothingness of life... get ready folks, it's gonna be a gosh-darn bumpy ride!
alright, so here's the DL (thank you 90's throwback slang, you win again!)... i am 27, married (to the love of my life!), and as so many have recently reminded me, on the cusp of adulthood. not really though. i mean, yes to the first two things, but i kinda refuse the third. look kids, enjoy your youth, cuz the second you say goodbye to your 25th birthday (and i mean that same day yo!) everyone in your life will start to ask these 2 life-defining questions:
1) Oh honey (or dude, depending on your gender/socially acceptable terms of endearment), when ARE you getting married?
now it's important for you to know, that this question will be asked, regardless of whether or not you are dating someone. it is a force of nature, something happens to adults at a certain age and they feel absolutely compelled to ask this question. it's not their fault, it just happens.
the next usually applies after gettin hitched, but you can never be too prepared, so get your arsenal of excuses ready!
2) Well for goodness sake, when are you two lovebirds going to have some little babies?
this is a biggie, so don't be caught unprepared! you may be destined to be the infamous DINKS (double income no kids) or you may have a bundle of joy currently waitin in the womb, but either way, you gotta have somethin to say. any stuttering or a stammering response is a sign or weakness and can be used against you, so prepare, prepare, prepare!
ok, so enough doom and gloom for tonight... are you ready for your launch into my adulthood? good luck folks, we're both gonna need it!
alright, so here's the DL (thank you 90's throwback slang, you win again!)... i am 27, married (to the love of my life!), and as so many have recently reminded me, on the cusp of adulthood. not really though. i mean, yes to the first two things, but i kinda refuse the third. look kids, enjoy your youth, cuz the second you say goodbye to your 25th birthday (and i mean that same day yo!) everyone in your life will start to ask these 2 life-defining questions:
1) Oh honey (or dude, depending on your gender/socially acceptable terms of endearment), when ARE you getting married?
now it's important for you to know, that this question will be asked, regardless of whether or not you are dating someone. it is a force of nature, something happens to adults at a certain age and they feel absolutely compelled to ask this question. it's not their fault, it just happens.
the next usually applies after gettin hitched, but you can never be too prepared, so get your arsenal of excuses ready!
2) Well for goodness sake, when are you two lovebirds going to have some little babies?
this is a biggie, so don't be caught unprepared! you may be destined to be the infamous DINKS (double income no kids) or you may have a bundle of joy currently waitin in the womb, but either way, you gotta have somethin to say. any stuttering or a stammering response is a sign or weakness and can be used against you, so prepare, prepare, prepare!
ok, so enough doom and gloom for tonight... are you ready for your launch into my adulthood? good luck folks, we're both gonna need it!
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