Jaded

J-j-jaaaaded! Oh Aerosmith, always rockin' it.

When I was younger I always thought that the perfect relationship would be like the fountain of youth - it would renew you and bring new life with each passing day.  I had this unrealistic vision in front of me, something that could never be attained.  But I still believed in it... apparently I wasn't very smart :)

And so, I spent many years allowing myself to be jaded by those that came into my life.  I would continue on in relationships that were genuinely not good for me (and often for them as well).  I would try and try, again and again, and it always seemed to have the same outcome.  Disaster.  (This is the one time when the age-old wisdom of "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" does not apply!)  Each time I picked up a brand new battle scar, and a tougher heart, one that wouldn't love so easily the next time.  In addition to my lack of smarts, I must also have a slow learning curve :)

You know the only thing worse than becoming jaded?  Making others that way as well... I left big scars on many of the people that I cared about deeply. I had all of the excuses.  It's an unhealthy friendship, it wasn't a good relationship, he needed too much, she was too clingy, it wasn't "God-centered" (that's one that got abused a looooooooooot - sorry about that Big Guy!), it's just not working, etc. etc.  I let all of these excuses lead me, inch by inch, out of relationships that were inconvenient or had just became too hard.

Now that I'm old(er?), I know the real deal.  The ugly truth is that we're all flawed and we WILL hurt each other. We will. Always. Give anyone enough time to spend with one another and it will eventually end up raw and unpretty.  But just because you experience those things doesn't mean it's time to let go.  Being married has shown me so many amazing things, but one of the best ones is that becoming jaded is a choice.  You cannot control another person, their actions, or always protect yourself from being hurt by them.  You.Just.Can't.  What you can do is love, be vulnerable and keep on hoping.

Love never stops hoping.  Let me say it again - love NEVER stops hoping.  Never.  And what is the arch-enemy of jadedness (think Batman vs. Catwoman!)?  Hope.  And not just blind hope or hoping for the sake of hoping.  No, I mean the kind of hope that 1 Corinthians 13 talks about - life-giving, restoring, and renewing hope.  I mean, hope is pretty much a necessity of love, so why did it take me so long to figure that part out?  Like I said, I'm not always so smart.  And my learning curve mimics a bell curve more often than I'd like to admit :)

If I said that I have it all figured out now, I'd be Pinocchio-ing pretty bad.  Sure, being a little jaded can still creep in once in a while, but now I know how to fight it.  And what's more, now I do my very best not to ever be the cause of someone else becoming jaded.  Gettin' old(er?) has it's benefits, one of the best ones thus far is hard-fought/won wisdom.

Leave being jaded to good ol' A-smith, let's keep on loving and hoping!

1 Cor. 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.