I know as a self-proclaimed freeze-baby living in snow-filled Minnesota, spring should be one of my favorite times of the year. But it's not. Not even a little bit. It's kind if like how I hate fall by proxy, because even though it's super pretty, it means "winter is coming", (thanks Game of Thrones...) and we all know about my intensely deep hatred of all things cold.
So why am I hatin' on spring? Because it's messy.
Yup, I'm that superficial. I hate messes, and therefore dislike what is heralded as one of the very best seasons (and some would argue, a nonexistent one in good ol' Minn-e-snow-ta).
But. Spring is MESSY! With two enormous, hairy and slobbery dogs, springtime is a dreaded season at our house... For the sheer fact that any and all outside excursions of our hairiest children requires the following: a mop, several towels, and, if we're lucky, a broom, and a vacuum if we're not so lucky. I know, I know, spring means it's almost summer, and that's great. But spring is also dirty, wet, mushy, icky, and soggy. It just is.
However, as I sit watching the icicles drip (from the snow dam on our roof... did I mention I hate winter?!?), I am thinking that maybe the reason that my heart hardens at the thought of spring is not because of the mess, but because of how much work new life can be.
In case you can't tell from my many blog entries, my facebook feed with a-nearly-out-of control-amount-of baby pictures posted, or my extremely unkempt appearance lately - we just had a child. (SHOT) Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig surprise :) And in case you also didn't know, having a baby completely changes your life in pretty much every single way. And in case you ALSO didn't know, change is messy. And hard.
But change, much like spring, also means new life. And new life, even if it is messy, and a lot of work, is beautiful.
My new life is veeeeeeeeeeeeeery messy. Just come see my house without letting me know ahead of time. Jaws.Will.Drop. Especially since my human baby and my hairy babies have secretly conversed, planning evil-y, being extra needy and high-maintenance. At.The.Exact.Same.Time. Oh my goodness, it's like they know. They know. I swear they know :)
My new life is also beautiful. Not traditionally of course. It's not clean and pretty, it's not like the cover of Parent magazine, it's more like... well... dirty, wet, mushy, icky, and soggy. Ok, maybe the lack of sleep is affecting my adjectives :) It's not really THAT dirty (or is it?!). It is gorgeous though - and I am so stinkin' thankful for it. Even when it's 3 AM and I'm holding a crying baby (again), even when there are piles of laundry 2 feet high, even when I just want to sit down and eat one meal uninterrupted, even when everyone wants to help but it takes more energy to line up someone to help than it is to just do it myself. Even then. It is beautiful. Maybe it's beautiful especially then - because it requires more than I can give and because of that, it requires me to go daily to Jesus and ask for help. And if that isn't beautiful I don't know what is.
So. This is an ode to spring, to change and to new life. Bring on the mess!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
more than a village...Part Deux
"Holy crap, I'm a parent!"
That's pretty much the first thought (minus a few other adjectives, and, let's be real here, occasionally, an expletive or two...) every time I wake up (which is approximately every 2.5 hrs... if I'm lucky!) nowadays. And after that thought I am immediately filled with terror.
Why?
Because I am now responsible for keeping another living, breathing, little human alive. All. Of. The. Time. If that isn't enough to scare the pants right off of you, well, then, you are a braver soul than I!
And, what I am quickly learning is that, while it takes more than a village to help support a marriage, raising (or should I say surviving?) a baby takes an entire army! If I was ever under the delusion that we could do this by ourselves (which, I don't think we were, but you catch my drift), that idea was squashed within 1 hour of meeting Axel. If you've read "more than a village" you already know how passionate I am about supporting marriage, and now I am realizing that the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" statement is grossly understated. Grossly. What a weird word. But true. I wasn't kidding about the army part!
An army? Really? You need that many people just to take care of a 9 lb human? Yup, and here's why:
1) Raising a child requires lots and lots (and lots and lots and LOTS, etc.) of support, from all types of people - friends, family, and in some cases, even a nice stranger! Sheer need defines it, and I don't think the term "village" covers it. You NEED the mass of an army, be it in actual bodies, or just that level of support (or both if you're lucky!).
2) You've still got to maintain and grow your marriage at the same time - life doesn't take a break just because you had a baby... imagine that! You are now doing one of the most important things you've ever done in your entire life AND you have to manage (i.e. survive) everything else that you've always had to previously, on top of that. Talk about an insta-meltdown :) The truth about this one is that it's a bit of a lie - you CANNOT do everything that you used to do. I don't mean to poo on your parade, but the American dream be darned, you will have to give up something. It's just not possible to keep everything the same, nor should it be, you just added a new human to this earth! But the good part is that you get to choose how you change your life to make room for this very important addition. You're not a victim of your baby, you're an adult who gets to figure out what works for you (and them!). But, you also need even more support for your marriage, because if you thought it was hard before, it's gonna get harder babycakes! But it is so, so, soooooooooo good at the same time. I promise.
3) You will break. At some point, you will have a moment when you realize that you cannot do this. It might be today, it might be tomorrow (or it might be both), but you will have that moment (or many of them ;)). And when you do, you need an army-level of support - to come alongside you, to help, to encourage, and in some cases, just give you a much needed break. Because the thing is, it's going to be okay. In fact, it's going to be waaaay better than okay, it's gonna be AWESOME! But in that moment you don't feel like it and you need to be reminded.
These are just three things I've learned so far in my 5 weeks as a (gasp!) "parent". I've got a LOT more to learn, eh? But I will say this, it's only been 5 weeks and I already KNOW that it takes an army, that I cannot do it alone (as Ryan reminds me daily), so maybe I'm not quite as dumb as I look ;)
So, if you are a parent, don't forget that you need an army. And if you're not a parent, don't forget that the parents around you NEED you in their army (this goes for parents too, obvi).
Don't forget - none of us can do it alone, kids or no kids - we need each other!
Why?
Because I am now responsible for keeping another living, breathing, little human alive. All. Of. The. Time. If that isn't enough to scare the pants right off of you, well, then, you are a braver soul than I!
And, what I am quickly learning is that, while it takes more than a village to help support a marriage, raising (or should I say surviving?) a baby takes an entire army! If I was ever under the delusion that we could do this by ourselves (which, I don't think we were, but you catch my drift), that idea was squashed within 1 hour of meeting Axel. If you've read "more than a village" you already know how passionate I am about supporting marriage, and now I am realizing that the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" statement is grossly understated. Grossly. What a weird word. But true. I wasn't kidding about the army part!
An army? Really? You need that many people just to take care of a 9 lb human? Yup, and here's why:
1) Raising a child requires lots and lots (and lots and lots and LOTS, etc.) of support, from all types of people - friends, family, and in some cases, even a nice stranger! Sheer need defines it, and I don't think the term "village" covers it. You NEED the mass of an army, be it in actual bodies, or just that level of support (or both if you're lucky!).
2) You've still got to maintain and grow your marriage at the same time - life doesn't take a break just because you had a baby... imagine that! You are now doing one of the most important things you've ever done in your entire life AND you have to manage (i.e. survive) everything else that you've always had to previously, on top of that. Talk about an insta-meltdown :) The truth about this one is that it's a bit of a lie - you CANNOT do everything that you used to do. I don't mean to poo on your parade, but the American dream be darned, you will have to give up something. It's just not possible to keep everything the same, nor should it be, you just added a new human to this earth! But the good part is that you get to choose how you change your life to make room for this very important addition. You're not a victim of your baby, you're an adult who gets to figure out what works for you (and them!). But, you also need even more support for your marriage, because if you thought it was hard before, it's gonna get harder babycakes! But it is so, so, soooooooooo good at the same time. I promise.
3) You will break. At some point, you will have a moment when you realize that you cannot do this. It might be today, it might be tomorrow (or it might be both), but you will have that moment (or many of them ;)). And when you do, you need an army-level of support - to come alongside you, to help, to encourage, and in some cases, just give you a much needed break. Because the thing is, it's going to be okay. In fact, it's going to be waaaay better than okay, it's gonna be AWESOME! But in that moment you don't feel like it and you need to be reminded.
These are just three things I've learned so far in my 5 weeks as a (gasp!) "parent". I've got a LOT more to learn, eh? But I will say this, it's only been 5 weeks and I already KNOW that it takes an army, that I cannot do it alone (as Ryan reminds me daily), so maybe I'm not quite as dumb as I look ;)
So, if you are a parent, don't forget that you need an army. And if you're not a parent, don't forget that the parents around you NEED you in their army (this goes for parents too, obvi).
Don't forget - none of us can do it alone, kids or no kids - we need each other!
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