yeah yeah, i know, "it takes a village to raise a child." but i don't have kids (insert my father's moaning and groaning for grandchildren ASAP here), so i'm more focused on the whole "first comes the love, then comes the marriage" section of the equation, and not the whole "then comes the baby in the baby carriage" part quite yet.
i had the immense privilege to be a matron of honor in my best friend's wedding this weekend. the pastor and others brought up the very important point that those involved in this wedding now have the honor and the responsibility to come alongside this couple, to support and encourage them in their marriage. i've felt that way for a long time now, but it was a good reminder to me, and a bit of a kick in the pants to be better at supporting and protecting the marriages surrounding me.
but why are we tasked with that? because the world does not honor or protect marriage.
no, i won't be ranting about the porn industry, the lack of integrity within many social circles or even work-husbands and work-wives. i will even refrain from tangent-ing on the sad fact that marriage has become simply a slip of paper to much of our country. those things are only symptoms.
what i am talking about is the single most debilitating thing that i think can happen to a married couple - the belief that they can (and should) make it on their own.
now, please hear me, i am not talkin' about unhealthy, co-dependency issues, Sister Wives situations, or anything like that. i just mean that if we think that raising a child, really a max of 18 years (gold digger lyrics baby, profound words of wisdom, Kanye) takes a whole village, how about the immense complexity of keeping two independent, often stubborn, and broken adults together, hopefully for a lifetime? that sounds like a pretty big job to me. can you do it alone? can you keep your marriage intact, healthy, loving, nurtured and growing, all on your own? i honestly don't think so.
it doesn't take a village, a town, or even a city. i think it takes everyone. i haven't added God into this whole equation because i feel like that's a given. He is the source, He is the love, the glue that holds a marriage together. 'nough said.
hopefully my preachy-hat isn't on, cuz that's not where my heart is at. i am passionately in love with my husband, and our marriage will last a lifetime, but i am also fully aware that we need the support, encouragement and protection of those who surround us.
so, are we as married peps (the couple) absolved of all responsibility? it's up to those surrounding us to make sure that we make it, right? uh, no. husbands and wives, we need to protect ourselves and each other. i've seen amazing marriages crumble. but that doesn't happen in a day, a week, or a month. it's just a little crack at a time, and before you know it there's a whole section of your foundation falling apart. and by that time it seems like people stop caring. the pain is too deep, the wound too big, the desire to fix what is broken no longer outweighs the hurt felt. when you find those cracks don't just slap some cement in there and move on, hoping that it takes care of the problem. instead, carefully tend to each crack, protecting your marriage like it is the most amazing treasure that you possess, that your spouse is worthy of the utmost care and respect. there is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people, but the beauty of a treasured marriage is practically breathtaking.
a big thanks to our "village" - we appreciate you every single day.
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