Ex's and Oh's

Elevators are the best.  They beat taking the stairs (exercise, yuck!), it's practically a free amusement park ride, and all of the general craziness to be expected when falling from great heights.  We're talkin' juicy phone conversations that are just a lil' too loud, the awkward moment when the elevator door opens unexpectedly and that dude and chick that were just making out (but really don't want you to realize that) immediately step about 5 feet away from one another, really too far to be reasonable, and of course, you can't forget the obligatory smelly person (no harm, no foul ;)).

Entering the elevator I always count how many people there are... why?  Because I swear that there is an elevator elf.

You see how many people are in there when you get on, and you ride all the way to the top, counting how many people get out, and how many should be left (cuz elevator code strictly prohibits turning around and looking at people, even if they utter the incredibly rude statement on the phone to their girlfriend "Yeah, well, remember when you used to be skinny and attractive?"), and then all of the sudden, it's quiet...  It sounds like you are the only one left, but according to your count there should still be one more person in the elevator... but you can't turn around!  Wait, am I crazy?  I didn't miss someone getting out did I, they are still in here aren't they?  I think I can hear breathing...  Wait, why are they so quiet? Oh my gosh, they're here to get me aren't they? C'mon Kelly, you knew this day would come!  You didn't think that you could hide from the crazy-haired lady that you cut off in traffic accidentally when you were 17 and didn't know how to drive for forever did you?  Well apparently you couldn't, because that must be her standing behind you, she must be the only one left, and that is why she is so quiet.  She's come for her revenge.  Her crazy-haired revenge!

Okay, what?

And then you turn, just slightly (always to your left, because you're right handed and need to be able to punch, in self-defense of course, quickly {yeah, that's right crazy-haired-lady, I am ready for you, bring it!}), and see, to your horror, that in fact, there is no one left in the elevator.  No one. But you heard breathing, right?!

Now who's the crazy-haired-lady?  Yup, you know who...

Tthe curse of the elevator elf.  You could swear that there should still be at least one person left in the elevator with you, but they disappear somewhere along the line.  And by the way, it just occurred to me, for the very first time ever, that if I always walked to the back of the elevator so that I could see everyone this would never happen to me again... Wow.  Brilliant.

So anyway.  Elevators. The convos you overhear are the best.  Yesterday I overheard a real doozy/winner.  Two ladies got on at the same time as me, the one, very loudly complaining about her "cray ex."  First things first, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, cuz let's be honest, if someone were to overhear some of my convos, well, it would not be the best reflection of my true self, but these two particular gems made it almost impossible to hear anything but their near-domestic-dispute-level drama.

A short excerpt:
"My ex don't even know what a ho he has on the side, she ain't even a side-dish, she ain't good enough to be, she just a joke, ya know, real funny, but way too cray to be all up in my business, but he ain't got nothin' on me so I don't care, he's just outta pocket, that fool!  But he my ex so I don't care, it ain't nothing!"  "Oooooooh yeah, girl!  I hear she is _________'s ex, he said she don't know nothing, and she said she's his baby momma, but he don't know fo' sure if that baby is even his, so it could be at least 3 of her babies that ain't his!"

What?  There are so many people mentioned in this 30 second clip, I couldn't even figure out who they were talking about any longer - somebody is a baby daddy, and then a baby momma, but then another couple of ex's thrown in...?  I'm not sure, but what did strike me is the vehemence with which the term "ex" was used in the (much longer than shown above) overheard conversation.

It occurred to be that the term "ex" always seems to have a negative connotation.  Think about it.  You don't call the dog that you had growing up your "ex-dog", you say your previous dog, or your old dog, etc.  I know that the term "Ex" (files, a lil' Scully and Mulder anyone?  Admission: I never actually watched the show, but whatevs) and whether or not it has some crazy negative connotation with it may just have something to do with the type of relationship or thing being discussed, or even your social circle, but I can honestly say that I have never heard it used in a positive way, which says something.  I think...? :)

Anyway, when you use the term ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-coworker, ex-boss, ex-wife, ex-friend, etc, it is almost always followed by the following reaction from any standby-ers: "Oooooooooh"  (usually followed by an annoying "yeaaaaaaaaaaaah", think Office Space's Bill Lumbergh, ugh!)  The all knowing "Oooooh."  What?  When did this become a thing?  As if you know the context and history of any type of interaction or relationship based on the fact that the term "ex" is used?  Hmmm.  IDK.  Until my enlightening elevator moment I had never even thought about it, but it is a good reminder that sometimes our words say more about what we're thinking than we mean them to.  And sometimes we end up telling complete strangers in elevators our entire life history/drama.  And even worse, sometimes we tell other people about the elevator elves that we believe in.

The question is, who is dumber-er...? :)

Good luck to all of the ex's and oh's out there, remember you're not as quiet as you think you are, it's a doozy out on those elevators!

XOXO ;)