safe with me (your secret is)

we all have our secrets, our skeletons in the closet... no one is free from this phenomenon.

some of us feel that ours are more dramatic than others, but i think that it's all relative.  is any secret worse than another?  well, that's not really for me to say, i guess, but what really is pretty terrible is the fearful power that secrets have over us.  why are we afraid of our past actions and thoughts?  why do we allow them to control us?  or the people that know them?

what is a secret, after all?  the dictionary defines a secret as: something that is, or is kept secret, hidden, or concealed.

really a secret is just knowledge.  knowledge of something that we wish was not true (why would we be afraid of something that we are not ashamed of?)  but it is true, so, what's the deal?  why do we allow this fear, fear of something that we cannot change because it is in the past, control what we do in the present and the future?

"secrets, secrets, are no fun, secrets, secrets, hurt someone."  a lil' playground knowledge that hits pretty close to home, but the thing that they don't tell you is that those secrets usually hurt you more than they hurt anyone else.  fear can do funny things to people.

so what's your deep, dark secret?

some of you know my secrets and i know some of yours...  i don't think it needs to be said, but i'll say it anyway - your secret is safe with me.  i know all too well the destruction and utter havoc that a secret can wreak on your soul, and i have no desire to add to your burden and heartache.

i will say this though, that rarely are our secrets as bad as they seem to us... that lie that Satan tells us, that we will be hated if anyone ever finds out, that we are disgusting and we must keep this knowledge hidden away at all costs.  forgiveness cannot be given if truth and transparency are not present.  it's a pretty good trick too, for the devil to have us wrapped around his little finger in constant fear, instead of living as redeemed, peace-filled children of God.

1 John 4:18  "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment..."

a secret is like a wound - if the wound is covered, not exposed to air or not cleaned properly it will fester, an infection will begin and eventually can take over.  however, if the wound is cleaned, and cared for, it will still be painful, but it will heal.  the scar will be a reminder, but it will also give us a chance to share our story and God's victory in our lives with others who have experienced similar pain.

i'm no dummy, i realize that in real life, revealing secrets can be messy and painful, but i can speak from personal experience that it is absolutely worth it.  my hope for you is that you are able to live a life fully in the freedom and peace that Jesus has brought and paid for.  a life without fear...

owned/pwned

one of the best things my father ever taught me was to not be a victim.  he was not referencing an auto accident or kidnapping incident of some sort (though i am fairly certain he would not be pro those things either), he was talking about how we live our lives, how we approach the circumstances that we experience throughout our approximate 75 to 90 years here on earth.

there is this quote that i hate, i'm sure you've heard it, and it was likely uttered by someone in your circle of friends or family, at the exact wrong moment, probably right in the midst of a personal crisis that you were having.  and so you probably hate it too.  here goes:  "Life is 10 percent what happens to you, and 90 percent how you react to it."  and while i grew up with a father who taught me not to be a victim, and i thoroughly agree with that mentality, i absolutely detest that quote because instead of making me feel empowered (like i am pretty sure it's s'posed to), it just makes me feel like a failure.  i'm so bad at life i can't even react the right way! :)

the next totally cliche term that has been thrown around a lot lately is "owning."  no, not pwned, though i have both pwned, and been pwned, so no judgement here ;)  the concept of owning is basically the same thing as not being a victim and the 10/90 quote, it is based on the idea that taking responsibility for the things that you can control (owning them, not blaming them on others) is not only empowering, but very calming as well.  it goes further, to point out that through the process of determining what you genuinely "own" (your weight, your health, your finances, etc) and what you don't "own" (natural disasters, death, etc), you can release a lot of anxiety... choosing to let go of the things that you cannot control, and start actively taking care of all of the things that you can control.  i like this idea because instead of making me feel like a little kid who can't do anythin' right, it makes me feel like "hey, yes, let's do this!"

do i sound like a self-help guru yet?  if you just said no, then good, because i really do have a point.  if you just said yes, then sweet, i'm gonna start sellin' this stuff and get rich! :)

ok, ok, f'reals, what is my point?

i listen to myself.  a lot.  in fact, i don't ever shut up (mentally and/or verbally).  i mean, it's exhausting to be me! :)  i also listen to others quite a bit (which is really incredible considering how much time i spend listening to myself... what a superb multitasker i am!), and we all have something in common.  more often than not, we choose to let the things/people/circumstances, let's just call it "Z", the Z in our lives make us unhappy.  call it whatever you want, being a victim, living 90/10 instead of 10/90, or not "owning things", we allow Z to control us and usually end up incredibly miserable.  we hand over the reigns of our lives so quickly it seems like some of us don't even realize that we ever had them in our grip at all!

so, who owns you?  what owns you?  if answered honestly, these can be pretty scary questions.

the biblical perspective on this i'm still lookin' into, so don't quote self-help guru/pastor kelly on this one quite yet, but i sorta feel like it's basically this:  God is in control.  always. of everything.  but there are also things in our lives that we can control, and it's up to us (with God's help) to figure out what those things are, and when we do, ask for His guidance in gettin'er done.  that whole "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" thang is pretty darn wise, and i aim to live that way.  not by my strength, but by His.

one last note for my fellow "failure" addicts:  the thing about changing your mentality is that it's impossible to screw up (automatic win!).  the  victory is trying, not in succeeding.  and as corny as it sounds, i really do believe in you.  i mean, heck, if i can do it, anybody can! :)

bad guys

i don't mind being the bad guy if it's for a reason.

most of life is made up of choices.  what to eat, what to wear, when to leave for work, how to handle a friendship, what to plan for the holidays... everything is a choice.

some of our choices are for ourselves, but some are for others. and sometimes that makes you the bad guy. the villain.

my puppy, Luna, is awesome, but if i let her, she will chew on some very dangerous things.  i make a choice for her, one that is in her best interest, keeping her from harm.  i'm sure she doesn't appreciate it, in her mind i am only keepin' her from all of the fun things in this world.  i know the truth, but her puppy brain doesn't realize it.  i'm the bad guy.

sometimes this happens with peps too.  there are moments in our lives in which we have absolute clarity - knowing that if we do not make a choice, someone we care about will not make it for themselves.  this is a sticky situation, i'm not gonna lie.  are we removing the right of each individual to make a decision for themselves?  maybe.  i guess it would depend on what type of decision is being made.  i am speaking mostly from the perspective of loved ones.  we have those in our lives that will continually and systematically make poor decisions, or choices that will only hurt them in the end.  do we have the right to make the decision for them?

i don't really know the answer to this.  i can say that i have made that choice for those that i cared about in the past.  sometimes it's expressing concern, sometimes it's talking through a situation, and sometimes it's removing them from harm, even if that means hurting them, in the short run, but really doing what's best for them in the long run.

the hard part is, if you do that, make a decision that may hurt someone, but ultimately is best for them, rarely will you get a thank you.  you will face resentment, anger, and sometimes even hate.  there's always a chance though, that eventually they will realize that your decision was selfless and for their own good.

since Luna is a dog, she won't ever reach that point of realization... some humans may eventually get it, but if not, that's okay.   i've been the bad guy before, and when i feel that i truly know what's right for someone i'm willing to bite that bullet.

cheers to all of the "bad guys" who have made lives better, it's a tough road to walk.

gentle

i am an oldest.

if you're not an oldest you are thinking one of the following things:
a) so what?
b) i don't care
c) shut it
d) all of the above

if you're an oldest you are thinking one of the following things:

a) no wonder, i thought i recognized that obnoxious, know-it-all, control-freakness for some reason!
b) i don't care
c) shut it
d) all of the above

now, lucky for you, i have no desire to go into birth-order theories tonight, but i will say, that much of my "oldest" qualities do not lie in (or even near) the land of patience and gentleness.  oldests are typically intelligent and aggressive, and unfortunately,  not always much else... :)

ok, ok, not necessarily, but the truth really is that i definitely do not suffer from an inordinately large amount of gentleness.  surprise surprise :)  i won't make excuses, being gentle in mind, body and soul is just not something i am great at.  

the most important thing that i have learned about being gentle has very little to do with action, it has more to do with restraint.  it's a little like forethought (which i rarely have much of :)), but with the added element of trying to understand how your actions/thoughts/words might impact others.  being gentle with their hearts/minds/bodies/souls.  sounds easy, right?  i wish...

the longer that i have lived as a self-proclaimed not-so-nicey, bordering on austere, i have become more and more aware of the incredible importance of gentleness.  you are not gentle for your own sake.  it's time consuming, often silly, and sometimes even nerve-grating, but it is not without purpose.  that purpose?  love.  you exhibit pure and unadulterated love to those that you use gentleness with.  especially those that are not readily aware of your love.

could i utter that biting (and even honest) comment that is being formed under my breath?  yes.  could i pass you in rush hour when you are the one car standing in the way between me and my sweatpants?  yes.  could i smile, nod, and listen even though i already know exactly what you're going to say?  yes.  

being gentle is rarely actually physical.  most often, and most arduous, is the struggle to be gentle with the hearts of others.  you're not gonna feel like it, it's gonna be easier not to be, and i'm betting that most of the time you will feel justified in doing/saying/being exactly how you feel.  but it will not be gentle.  and as hard as it is, to soften your heart, your soul, and your mind, it is incredibly worth it.  because you're not gentle for yourself.  you're gentle for those that you love, and a God that honors this as a spiritual gift.  

i don't have any witty "gentle" comment tonight folks, just the honesty of what being kind and quiet can bring. 

don't underestimate a soft heart.