time passes and it tells us what we're left with...

we become the things we do.

okay, so at this point in history, third eye blind may be kinda "out", but being on the cutting edge of the music scene has never really been my thing, so you'll hafta forgive my lack of caring...  point is, Stephen Jenkins, you had some gosh-darn-good-points.

if you asked me who i was, honestly, you would get a long list of what-i-loves mixed with what-i-wish-i-was's.  what you would not get, more than likely, is many nouns and adjectives.  and if you were lucky enough to get some of those descriptive words from my mouth, they prolly wouldn't line up with what you think of me.  so what's the point?

we become the things we do.  right?

well, not totally.  we are blessed with a God who is bigger than everything we are, everything we do, and who, without him, we would be destined to become.

but.

i still think we tend to lose track of what's important at times.  we are swept up into the whirlwind of crazy that life can bring... we are pushed, prodded and even jostled (yeah, that's right, i whipped out the J word!) into places or down paths our future-former selves would not have guessed, nor chosen.

what are you willing to give up to become who you want to be?  is sacrifice always for the best? at what point does what you do become who you are?  the countless hours spent in front of a mirror, the tv becoming a constant companion, the blood sweat and tears for an unattainable goal... how do you spend your time?  what do you "do"?

i see so many smiling lips paired with sorrowful eyes.  when is it enough?  losing that weight that always plagued you, changing the things that you've always hated, but the new habits and vices won't go away.  putting on a fresh new face won't hide the pain that stays in your heart.

i think sometimes change comes slowly, one small thing at a time, and before we know it, we are more different than we ever expected.  but what about when you can see that change in others, much more quickly than they can, and you can do nothing to stop it?  a mouth without a voice, what's the use in that?

so what's the point?  should you live a life in fear of change?  no.  change is normal, healthy, and for the most part, positive.  i'm just sayin' that it is incredibly important that if you do desire change in yourself, that it is for the right reasons.  because you may get your wish, you might become who you wanted to be... but at what cost?  and remember, you are very loved just the way that you are...

more than a village...

yeah yeah, i know, "it takes a village to raise a child."  but i don't have kids (insert my father's moaning and groaning for grandchildren ASAP here), so i'm more focused on the whole "first comes the love, then comes the marriage" section of the equation, and not the whole "then comes the baby in the baby carriage" part quite yet.

i had the immense privilege to be a matron of honor in my best friend's wedding this weekend.  the pastor and others brought up the very important point that those involved in this wedding now have the honor and the responsibility to come alongside this couple, to support and encourage them in their marriage.  i've felt that way for a long time now, but it was a good reminder to me, and a bit of a kick in the pants to be better at supporting and protecting the marriages surrounding me.

but why are we tasked with that?  because the world does not honor or protect marriage.

no, i won't be ranting about the porn industry, the lack of integrity within many social circles or even work-husbands and work-wives.  i will even refrain from tangent-ing on the sad fact that marriage has become simply a slip of paper to much of our country. those things are only symptoms.

what i am talking about is the single most debilitating thing that i think can happen to a married couple - the belief that they can (and should) make it on their own.

now, please hear me, i am not talkin' about unhealthy, co-dependency issues, Sister Wives situations, or anything like that.  i just mean that if we think that raising a child, really a max of 18 years (gold digger lyrics baby, profound words of wisdom, Kanye) takes a whole village, how about the immense complexity of keeping two independent, often stubborn, and broken adults together, hopefully for a lifetime?  that sounds like a pretty big job to me. can you do it alone?  can you keep your marriage intact, healthy, loving, nurtured and growing, all on your own? i honestly don't think so.

it doesn't take a village, a town, or even a city.  i think it takes everyone.  i haven't added God into this whole equation because i feel like that's a given.  He is the source, He is the love, the glue that holds a marriage together.  'nough said.

hopefully my preachy-hat isn't on, cuz that's not where my heart is at.  i am passionately in love with my husband, and our marriage will last a lifetime, but i am also fully aware that we need the support, encouragement and protection of those who surround us.

so, are we as married peps (the couple) absolved of all responsibility?  it's up to those surrounding us to make sure that we make it, right?  uh, no.  husbands and wives, we need to protect ourselves and each other.  i've seen amazing marriages crumble.  but that doesn't happen in a day, a week, or a month.  it's just a little crack at a time, and before you know it there's a whole section of your foundation falling apart.  and by that time it seems like people stop caring.  the pain is too deep, the wound too big, the desire to fix what is broken no longer outweighs the hurt felt.  when you find those cracks don't just slap some cement in there and move on, hoping that it takes care of the problem.  instead, carefully tend to each crack, protecting your marriage like it is the most amazing treasure that you possess, that your spouse is worthy of the utmost care and respect.  there is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people, but the beauty of a treasured marriage is practically breathtaking.

a big thanks to our "village" - we appreciate you every single day.

gone, catharsis brought to you by ben folds

sometimes i sit down to write and i am spectacularly inspired; passionate, excited, ready to take on the world with words!  

today is not one of those days.  

and usually, on days of this particular uninspired variety, i do not write.  but here i am writing.  so then i ask you, why write if there is nothing to write about?  and you say, because sometimes writing can be cathartic.  except that you wouldn't say that word prolly, cuz not many people use that term, but it is one of my very favorite words (thanks to Mr. Obler's 10th grade english class, Hastings High School represent!), so i am inserting it into your imaginary vocabulary.  i hope you're not offended.  and then i say, why yes, in fact you are correct, it is cathartic, and sometimes you need to do something just for the sake of doing it.  and you agree.  because in my mind you always agree with me :)

according to Dictionary.com:

Catharsis - The purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, especially through 

certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

i have a lot of outlets for emotions in my life, i s'pose in this day and age everyone does, but writing is definitely one of the most productive ones.  like i said, some days are just not writing days.  i have nothing to say, not because life is easy or superb, but because what i have to say isn't uplifting or helpful, it's like blank space, what's the point if it doesn't do anything for anyone else?   i have a journal for all of that boring crap :)  

t'day isn't a writing day, except for pointing out the importance of catharsis.  the joy of a total mind dump, release of emotions, not to be picked back up again, simply dropped off... freedom for over-burdened and exhausted shoulders can be such a blessing and relief.  i don't know what works for you, but some Ben Folds on Pandora, maybe a lil' chocolate and a good glass of some sort of beverage (maybe even of the adult variety), winter-time fire-place couch-curling, or summer-time back-yard loungin'... those are my intense catharsis times.  so why am i babbling on and on about purging and release?

because i think sometimes the importance of a little emotional freedom is overlooked.  yes, we take vacations, stay-cations, days off, mental vacations, "sick days", etc.  but it seems that we take very little care of what can easily become a distressed heart and soul.  i don't know what you need to "catharsis-out" (and what from now on shall be called "cath-out"), but make sure that you do know, and that you take that time for yourself.  cuz i want you to be healthy and happy.  and you say, aww, thanks!  and i say, no problem friend :)

cath out yo, cath out.