impact by default

everything we are is shaped.  circles, triangles and maybe even a trapezoid thrown in for good measure.

it seems easy to believe that we are a product of ourselves, that we are somehow bigger than it all.  but those we choose to let into our lives have helped us become who we are.  sometimes we give credit where credit is due, especially to those who we feel indebted to, those who we recognize as helping us become better.  but what about those people throughout the course of our lives who have gone unnoticed?  maybe there are those who have not necessarily made us better on purpose, but by default.

i think we have a duty to honor those who have helped us become who we are, even if their effect on us could be described as negative.  i realize this sounds a lil' silly, maybe not totally sane even, but this is the idea that has been rolling around my head lately: some of the people in my life who have impacted me the most, well, i don't really always think of them fondly...  i mean, that's not so shocking. right?  everyone has those peps in their past (and sometimes present), but what keeps nagging at me is the idea that i need to recognize that even though i may not be so incredibly ecstatic with their presence in my life, i still need to honor them as people who have helped me become who i am.

i haven't totally thought this one through, which i typically try to do 'fore spoutin' off my mouth, but this one i just can't seem to get a hold of.  i can't figure out if i feel that this duty to honor is based on the belief that because we have all screwed up and made mistakes, that i need to extend grace, or if it's something deeper, more personal, somewhere along the lines of noting that most of those individuals did have a genuinely positive impact on me in some small way as well, even if that wasn't the defining characteristic of the relationship.

this one really does stump me.  i'm not gonna feign super-human knowledge or try to throw down, cuz i really don't know.  maybe it's just something God has laid on my heart.  maybe it's a part of the forgiving and forgiven process, or it's just cuz thinking poorly of people in every aspect just makes me sad.  it could be that i just want to see the best in them, or it could be that time can soften the memory of even the harshest of blows.  or really, it could just be that if i believe that God is sovereign, and that while He hates to see us in pain, He does allow things to happen to us that hurt, but we need to believe that He will make something beautiful out of it (and us) in the end, and this is just a part of the process...?

i feel like i'm not much closer to an answer then when i started.  but i can certainly say this: i still believe that i personally need to honor those in my life who have shaped me.  those who have hurt me, well, i can't change any of that, can i?  all i can do is look for what beautiful things came out of it, and that part i can control.

so, i guess, here i go - i accept that i would not be the woman that i am today without those who have touched my life.  and let's face it folks, life should always be honored.