drama, forgiveness and a waste of time

forgive 70 x 7?

is forgiveness a waste of time if those you forgive don't even realize that they received (or needed!) it?

i'm sorta at a loss for this one.  an on-going conversation for me, and i've heard a lot of perspectives on this, so try to bear with me.  i'm not saying that you shouldn't forgive. what i am saying is, especially in our uber-minnesotany-passive-aggressive-way, if we never even communicate that we are hurt/angry/frustrated in the first place, how can forgiveness really be given?  sure, you might let go of the grudge, maybe even feel some personal relief, but without any confession of guilt or anger to the one you felt offended by, well, there's no true reconciliation, right?

i don't know, seems like a slippery slope to me...

don't get me wrong, there are some offenses that just need to be let go, no apologies, no grudges, just letting go and be done with it.  someone cuts you off in traffic - you don't need to hunt them down, swerving through traffic, get right next to them in bumper to bumper and roll down your window to... share... your, um, "feelings".  that will never lead to actual reconciliation.  unless of course that other driver is REAL humble :)   even day to day stuff, in friendships, relationships with acquaintances and significant others, you cannot expect to have every misdeed apologized for, and often, we are the ones in the wrong for being overly sensitive or over-reacting.

however, when there is a legit hurt, a wound, inflicted by a person of importance in your life, is there any other way to reach reconciliation without sharing your feelings?  i'm not talkin "you hurt me, and blah blah blah....." forever and ever, going on for 3 pages or 3 hours about your feelings and what that person did.  it's not going to help anyone, in fact, most of the time it hurts! by the time you get done going on and on about the situation, the other person has either become so offended by your excessive explanation that they are enraged or they have tuned your overly-dramatic self out completely, responding with "yes's" and "uh huh's".  and really, if your desire is for reconciliation and not for just an apology, you should be more concerned with how they feel too, right?

hmmmmm, this is getting more complicated...

can't i just apologize and be done?!  what the heck, why does this whole forgiveness thing have to be so complicated anyway?  oooooh, Jesus thinks he's so tricky with the whole 70 x 7 thing eh?  well, i am no fool, 70 x 7 = 140, and you better believe that for some people in my life i am absolutely tracking their forgiveness tallys... and a few of 'em are gettin pretty darn close to the 140 mark lemme tell you ;)

ok, not sure how i really ended on this thing... maybe i will think abt it more and get back to you :)