Believe me, I know my kid can hit decibels science cannot yet measure. Try living in an enclosed space with him. We buy ear plugs in bulk. BULK, I tell you! Like, the 500 pair box from CostCo kind of bulk. I kid not. I would never josh about spending that much dinero on something that just gets shoved into your ears. It's a tragedy, really. But I digress.
Remember me? I'm the lady who you've stared at, judging, because when said 16 month old starts getting cranky, and is, as afore-mentioned, "verbal", she bribes his silence by doing anything that works. I'm that really-tired-but-trying-to-be-chipper momma who knows a melt down is imminent and is trying her absolute best to avoid it. I'm the one who is doing pretty much anything from singing ABC's waaaaaaaaaay off-tune to giving in and allowing chips to be a "snack" (GASP!) in an attempt to keep the bubbling volcano of baby wrath from erupting. And sometimes, well sometimes I'm the desperate-faced chick who is grabbing at literally any item in the store, including the super sized tampons, to distract my little wanna-be-hellion.
Yeah. That's me.
And I just wanted to let you know that even though we're all Minnesota nice most of the time, I can feel your judge-y stares, I can hear your not-so-under-your-breath-whispers about my parenting, and I can definitely hear the comments that you say directly TO me too. Unfortunately.
And you know what? It doesn't feel great. It really doesn't. In fact, it feels pretty crappy.
But. You know what else? My circus-clown-like attempts at keeping my toddler happy (okay, let's be real, happy may be an overstatement, but let's go with civil at the very least) are actually not for me. Or for my kid for that matter. They are actually for you.
Yeah, you heard me. I make an absolute fool of myself for you. A complete stranger. Someone I've never laid eyes on before.
Because here is the real truth. I don't actually mind toddler melt downs. Whoa, no wait. That was definitely a lie. I mean, I don't enjoy them, but they are a regular part of my day, and will be until approximately forever because I'm fairly certain that's how long toddlerhood seems to last. So, my fellow Target-lover, I do not throw on my sackcloth and ashes to mourn each time my kiddo has a tantrum. And I also don't do it for my little darling. Because he is 16 months old, and he is going to have hard days and good days, hard minutes and good minutes. Seconds even, really. I parent him to the best of my ability, but since some melt downs are inevitable, I don't rake myself over the coals if he has one.
Yes, I do it for you.
I do it because your ears might be more sensitive to the "oh-my-gawd-how-can-something-so-little-be-so-loud" cries of my child. I do it because you might not have been around kids that much or understand that this is just the reality of this particular stage. I do it because you might find it super annoying that a child who is not genetically linked to you (fooooorever) is bellowing at the top of their lungs for no apparent reason, and you can do absolutely nothing about it.
But most importantly, I do it because you might be having just as tough of a day as I am, and it's the small kindness that I can offer you, trying to keep my sweet, precious, little loud mouth from making it any worse for you.
So, dear fellow shopper/park user/general public, when you see me bribe my child, or act a little cray cray to distract him, or maybe even play a little shopping cart "race car", please remember that I'm doing this for you. You don't have to agree with my parenting. I get it, we're all different. I'm good with how I do things, so you and me, we're cool. I just thought you should know why I do what I do. And that's how we do, yo.
Cheers to ear plugs and happy shopping! :)
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