Tres - The MN State Fair, Best Of...

The final chapter of the grand series on the wonderful MN State Fair!

Are you ready for this?  Yeah, I think you are.  You've earned it!

C is for Consume(ing)
Food!!!!  Pretty much my favorite fair subject eva :)  Here is a list of the best fair foods out there (with my personal bias, of course), and those that I will be consuming in less than 24 hours:

1. Pronto Pups - Read my lips: These ARE NOT corn dogs.  I'll be honest, I don't really like corn dogs.  I've never really liked them.  I love hot dogs, chili cheese dogs, and even the occasional macaroni and cheese with hot dogs.  But corn dogs?  No thanks!  So, up until I met my studly hubby, I avoided Pronto Pups like the plague.  Until he convinced me that PP's were not corn dogs... They are, in fact, made with regular flour, not corn flour, and lemme tell you, that makes all of the difference in the world.  Looooooove me some PP's! :)

2. Mini Doughnuts - This should be a duh, but hey, you can never be too careful!  I feel it necessary to point out, as the question has been asked multiple times - you must NOT get Tiny Tim's mini doughnuts.  They suck.  Their sugar granule mix is too large so it doesn't coat the doughnuts well and the doughnuts are usually small and over-fried.  I highly recommend Tom Thumb's mini doughnuts... you will not be disappointed with these little round pieces of heaven!

3. Fresh French Fries - Ok, there are many different kinds of fries at the fair.  And most of them are delicious in their own way.  However, if you are looking for the best overall standard fry, one that doesn't remind you of McDonalds or any other fast food (though I do LOVE those), these are the fries for you!  I should note "Fresh French Fries" is the name of the booth, not the name of the food, lest you be confused :)

4. Sweet Martha's Cookies - Alright, I'm gonna be straight with you on this guys.  Inside of the fair, these cookies are the absolute best thing you've ever tasted when paired with the next item (all you can drink ice cold milk!)  Outside of the fair/when these suckers get cold, they're moderate to decent.  Is it magic fair dust that makes them taste so good on a hot, sticky day?  The world may never know... But I do know this, eat these lil' guys quick before you leave the fair!

5. Milk Truck - Oh.My.Gosh.  This is the best milk you've ever tasted.  And never-ending, ice-cold glasses of amazingness. 'Nough said.

6. Cheese Curds - I feel like everyone knows this, but hey, Wisconsin has a few positive points, right?  But then you have to factor in the Packers...

7. Deep Fried Pickles - These are AWESOME! They're pickles, they're deep fried, I mean, come on. However, I have had pretty good ones at restaurants, so if you can't have 'em at the fair, at least try 'em somewhere else!

8. Cream Puffs - D'lish.  Yup.

9. Flowerin' Onion - These are ggggggggggggggreat!  But also, if you can't have 'em up, the "bloomin' onion" at Outback Steakhouse is pretty great too!

10. Scotch Egg - Uh. Amazeballs.  Just sayin'.

11. Grilled Corn On The Cob - Yes, I eat corn. Yes, I like grilled corn.  But at the fair?  This can't be beat!

12. Ice Cream Cones - Only from the dairy building!  Bonus, eat it while you're lookin' at the super creepy butterheads!

13. Deep Fried Candy Bars - Obviously this is a staple, though, I will admit, they're not for everyone :)

14. Funnel Cake - Where else can you get these babies?  Nowhere! Gimme some delicious powdered sugar please!

15. Beer-On-A-Stick - Ok.  The MN State Fair does too much of one thing, and one thing only.  The catch phrase "on a stick".  But this one earns it's name - try it and you won't be disappointed! :)

And, I would be remiss if I didn't include a few others...
Honorable mentions:  Cotton candy, giant pretzels, and poutine.  Mmmmm, mmm, good!

Alright, that wraps up our MN State Fair fun!  Hope you enjoyed!  We are off to enjoy the fair and all of it's glory tomorrow - hope you come and have a blast! :)

MN State Fair - The Adventure Continues with B!

Alright folks, as promised, the continuation of our MN State Fair series!  Thanks for the messages on "A is Attire", I'm glad no one took it too seriously ;)

So, without adieu, let's get on this!

B - Buildings/Events/Things to See

If you know the fair (or you've listened to their superb marketing in commercials), there are a MILLION things to do there.  No, but really.  It's overwhelming.  But also awesome.  So, if you're headed to the "great Minnesotan get-together" and just can't figure out where to start, here are some pointers/my favs :)

Stop #1:  The Info Booth
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, you've been to the fair before, you've been around the block more than just a few times, you know Underwood St. and Carnes Ave. like the back of your hand (with the smudged fair stamp on it!).  But let me just point this out - you don't know what you don't know.  Every year there are new and exciting things at the fair, and even a seasoned pro like yourself can use a few tips once in a while.  So, trust me, take 5 minutes, head over to the sups friendly folks at the booth and grab yourself a handy-dandy map!

Stop #2:  All Things Food
Ok, this is pretty obvious, you hafta eat fair food.  But I've seen some pretty rookie moves in my day, and it is imperative that you spread out your food intake (more on that later), and map out your route (on the afore-mentioned map), so that you don't walk all over God's green creation when you have a sudden hankering for a Pronto Pup.

Eat lots.  And often.

Stop #3:  Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!
Go see the animals.  Unless you're allergic, then definitely don't do that.  But if not, go, have fun, see the Miracle of Birth, hold a baby chick, weave your way in and out of manure piles in the barns, watch a rodeo or 4H show.  It's fun, it's free, and gosh darnit, those animals are adorable!  Except the really ugly ones.  But hey, bonus, even those ugos make hilarious photobombs for your totally unnecessary selfies :)

Stop #4:  Show And Tell
The amount of entertainment at the fair is staggering.  And I mean literally - have you seen one of those lumberjacks mis-step and almost topple off of those logs?  Breath officially held!  There are concerts, animal shows, small acts, big acts, HUGE acts, creepy reptile shows... everything.  You name it, they probably have it.  Granted, some of them suck, but hey, the nice thing is that you can always walk away.  Insider's tip:  One thing that will never disappoint - the more-often-drunk-than-not kareoke... Some Michael Jackson impersonators just can't hold their gin :)

Stop #5:  Ride 'Em Cowboy
Of course, the rides.  A fair staple.  They are great.  And, depending on what else you've consumed that day, they might even land you in purge city, so beeeeeeeeee careful!  If you're not one for mind-bending, back-breaking speeds and scares (like I am), stick with the overhead view on a relaxing ride, all while you ease your aching tootsies and wave to everyone below (but don't spit, I know it's tempting, but don't do it.  No, really, don't be that guy).

Bonus:  Peep-Creepin'
People-watching could be, arguably, the best part of the fair.  It is awesomely stalker-ish, but without the risk of a possible felony charge.  You will see cray crays, you will avoid cray crays, and, if you're lucky, you might even be a cray cray ;)  And if you really get into it, a good ol' Bingo board for your added entertainment.
(Example: http://www.lifewithlevi.com/minnesota-state-fair-bingo/).

Alright, that wraps up B!  I could literally go on for days, but we only have a few of those left with our beloved fair, can't waste 'em writing!  C is coming up soon :)

This Is How We Do (The MN State Fair)

Alright.  It's time.  It's here.  My FAVORITE time of year...

The magical season that we, here in Minnesota, call "Fair Time"!  If you've never lived here, you can't possibly understand.  No offense, but it's true.  It's this incredible time, terrible traffic, amazing food, out-of-this-world people-watching, sore feet, sunburned shoulders, and a satisfied heart.  

The whole state gets into this thing, and I mean, they get INTO it!  From farmers to vendors, regular Joes to beauty queens (and their butter heads!), the granola folks to the People of Walmart... if you love Minnesota, then you love the fair.  Ok, that last statement might not totally be true, but it really should be.  Just sayin' (I'm lookin' at you Michael Bernard).

It's amazing.  And beautiful.  And I love it.  

But.  Yes, there's always a but.  There are a few things that you need to know about the state fair before attending, even if you've been there before.  Luckily, you have an expert fair-goer to lead you on your way. So, in preparation of our fair trip coming up on Sunday, I decided to share my wealth of knowledge, with the ABC's of the MN State Fair.  Today we'll be covering A, with B and C coming up in the next few days.

Ready?  Set?  FAIR!

The ABC's of the MN State Fair

A is for Attire:

So, this whole clothing thing sounds all fun and what not, but don't be confused, this is not a "What to Wear - MN State Fair Edition!"  This is serious business right here.  You think I'm kidding?  Do you see this face?  (Actually, you can't see my face, but I'll give you a hint, it's not a kidding face.)  What you wear to the fair could literally change your life.  Ok, not literally.  But, for real, this is one of the biggest fair decisions you can make, right up there with deciding between Tiny Tim's and Tom Thumb's Mini Doughnuts (ALWAYS Tom Thumb's, this should not EVEN be a question.  Like seriously, I'm actually pissed that you even asked.)  Why does it matter what you wear you ask?  Because the wrong attire can land you quickly in sunburned, blistered, wedgie-city real quick.  So let's all just try and avoid that, ok?  Ok.

1) Weather Appropriate: This one SHOULD be self-explanatory, but since every.single.year I see some dummy sweating balls while wearing a parka and sweats when it's 95 freakin' degrees AND another (just as) dummy shivering her bum off while wearing daisy dukes, a 'kini top and sky-high-heels when it's 55 out and rainy.  I'm sorry, but these people are dumb.  If you don't wear something weather appropriate, I don't care how awesome(ly terrible) you look, you will be miserable, and so will everyone with you, as you complain, loudly, all day, about how uncomfortable you are.

You have the internet, right?  Step 1: Google "weather for (insert day going to the fair here)"  Step 2: Don't be stupid.  

Pretty simple, huh?  Yup, that's what I thought.

2) Comfort:  Again, I kinda feel like this seems pretty logical, but I literally lost count last year trying to keep track of the seriously uncomfortable looking people I saw.  So, it seems worth mentioning.

I have two words for you: fat pants.  Buy them. Use them.  Love them.  No, but for real.  Even if you don't wear them TO the fair, you will need them the day AFTER the fair.  At least, you will if you did it right.  

Ok, but actually, comfortable clothes are important.  You're talking to someone who has sprained multiple ankles in afore-mentioned sky-high-heels, but the fair is neither the time nor the place.  Do I love a nice, tight, satin corset dress that you can barely breath in (but also look amaze-balls in)?  I mean, this is the second dumbest question you've asked today.  Obvi, yes.  But no, not at the fair, that I do not love.  You will regret it, trust me.  Have some sweet new kicks that you just can't wait to try out?  Because you'll be "walking a lot" and "this is the perfect time to break them in".  No, just no.  The only thing you have to look forward to with that decision is 5 inch blisters on your feet and a cut-short fair experience (because you can only hobble so far on lava-temperature cement and fair food sticking to your tootsies.)

Sub-categories of comfort are:

• Layers:  Layer, layer, layer! If the previously-mentioned weather is unpredictable, layers are your best bet.  But ALWAYS go with light layers, because whatever you take off you're gonna hafta carry around with you, and ain't nobody got time for heavy-sweater-carrying.
• Expandable:  Ok, I was only half kidding about the fat pants.  For real though, if you plan on eating your body-weight (x2) like I do, you're gonna want something that gives in all of the right places, so plan accordingly.
• Accessories:  You're gonna want a bag/purse/man-purse or something to carry stuff in that isn't ungodly uncomfortable.  Trust me on this one.  No one wants to have to keep re-buying their $0.50 unlimited-milk-cups because they have no where to stash them while they walk around all day. You're also gonna wanna wear comfy shoes, for walking, trudging, stumbling, and finally, falling on the ground after some Sweet Martha's for a good ol' fashioned grass nap.
• Sundries:  When the going get's tough, the tough get sunscreen.  And chapstick.  And ibuprofen (for heat headaches), tums (for too much fair food indigestion), bug spray (for late night concerts), etc. etc. You don't need a large amount of this stuff, but if you think feeling icky will make or break your fair experience I suggest you plan on having a few extras in your bag.

So, kids, just find something comfortable to wear.  You'll thank me.  But the people who would've gotten to laugh at your super awkward hobbling around the fair don't thank me, because they would've loved to have some additional comic relief besides just all of those cray crays and fanny pack folks. 

3) The "Whoever You Really Don't Wanna See and Then You See Them" Outfit:  You probably know about this whole Murphy's Law thing, right?  You look great every day.  Cuz you take care of yourself.  But you never see anyone you know when you're out and about, so, one day, you get a little lazy, maybe just a little greasy and gross... and then BAM!  That's the day you see the ONE person in the world you REALLY don't want to see you while looking like absolute poo.  Yup, sounds about right to me.  

Ok, now think of that and apply it to the MN State Fair statistics.  Ready for a little math?  I promise it won't hurt too much...  Minnesota's current population is approximately 5.3 million.  And you know how many people attend the fair each year?  Around 1.7 million.  That means that approximately 1 out of every 5 people in Minnesota attend the fair.  How many people do you know?  I'm guessing it's more than 5.  

So, if you're planning on being "lost in the crowd", and never seeing anyone you know, good luck with that one.  Or, if you don't care what you wear when seeing people you do or do not know, that's cool.  But for the rest of you, I suggest that you find something that you like to wear.  Do you have to look like a model?  No. I mean, honestly, your makeup will probably melt off your face after 5 minutes and your hair will be plastered with sweat to your forehead anyway.  But, hey, if you do happen to see that one person, at least you'll feel a little less crappy about it, right? 

Alright, that wraps up the A, hopefully I've helped prepare you just a little bit for the wonderful experience called The Fair!  

Stay tuned later this week for the rest of the ABC's of the MN State Fair.  I promise to not disappoint :)