Divine Destination: That One Time When We Were In A Head On Collision

I am a true believer in God putting us in the right place at the right time.  That right time and right place was at 2:12pm on Monday, May 26th, when we lost a car good car, but saved someone else from something much worse.

The truck that pulled out in front of an SUV, that was broad-sided and then collided head on with us, going over 50 MPH, was meant to hit us.  I know that sounds a little pre-destination-ish, but I'm claiming it anyway.

Because here's the thing - we weren't supposed to be there right then.  We were running late and taking the wrong road, and absolutely unprepared for an accident.  But we actually were prepared.  We just didn't know it.

In November of last year, God provided us with a giant truck, an older Suburban that is totally metal, not plastic like the new ones, one that can take a hit like a champ.  And last summer when we registered for a car seat, we got one that was superbly rated for crashes.  And on Monday afternoon when packing up the car everything was Tetris-like perfectly packed by my amazing hubs to give our pups the exact right amount of space in the back of our truck.  Our son was perfectly nestled into said car seat, and we were buckled like the little rule-followers that we are.

So many things could have gone wrong on that day.  But none of them did.  As that truck pulled out, was slammed into by that SUV, and then smashed into us (while waiting innocently at a stop sign), we were absolutely and perfectly prepared.  Sure, we had no idea that a collision was in our future, we had no idea that we would likely total our beloved truck, we had no idea that we'd spend the next few days stiff and sore, calling insurance companies and arguing with them over coverage and what chiropractic care we had.  But we were prepared.  Because God knew what would happen on May 26th at 2:12 pm.  Almost a year in advance, the things that needed to happen, already had.

Like I said, I know that this sounds a little ludicrous.  And that's okay.  But I also know it's true, so I don't mind sounding a little crazy.  And you know why?  Because I can't even count the reasons why we shouldn't have been there at that exact time, but we were.  So you know what that tells me?  We were, without a doubt, supposed to be there.

Because we had a giant truck, because we had a good car seat, because our dogs were protected, because we couldn't have been hit at a better angle, because the paddle boat and massive metal pipes in the back of the truck that struck us only cracked our windshield and didn't fly right through it, because the SUV that hit the truck didn't slam them into the side of us (which would've been exactly where Axel was at) when it really should have, because we were all wearing our seatbelts and only suffered whiplash and a sprained toe... because everything should have been so much worse than it was.  But it wasn't.

I believe that we were supposed to be there, to be the stopgap.

Because a smaller vehicle couldn't have taken that kind of impact (the truck would have flipped over on top of them, crushing it), because another car might not have been as prepared, because other passengers might not have been buckled in, because they might not have had a great car seat, because they might not have had insurance, because this accident might not have ended without fatalities...

Sure, it sounds a little dramatic, and I'm okay with that, because to be honest, despite trying to play it cool with those who have asked, it was the absolute scariest moment of my life.  My husband, my baby, and my pups were all in that car.  Pretty much all of my life was contained in that vehicle. And they could have all been gone in a second.  But they weren't.  And if you believe in God, you have to believe that there is a reason why He, a divine God, would allow something like that to happen.  And when it does happen, you can't help but ask, why did it?  And I have absolute peace knowing that it was for a reason.  I may never know the exact reason, and that's okay, but  because I trust my God, I know that it was necessary.

And that's why, as we schedule the doctor and chiropractic appointments, the hours spent on the phone with police and insurance companies, the hassle of trying to either fix or total our car and find a new one after only owning it for just 6 short months, the back pain and headaches, the fussy baby who doesn't feel good, having to take PTO just to recuperate and find a vehicle to drive until we know what to do next, and everything that seems like such an inconvenience... I know it is absolutely worth it.  Not because it could have been worse, because we know it could've very easily been.  But because we know that we could take the hit, and someone else might not have been able to.

God works in mysterious ways.  And instead of trying to figure those ways out, I'm just gonna be thankful that from May 26th from 2:13 pm on, I have my amazing husband, my incredible son, and beloved pups by my side.  And deep down, know that this happened for a reason.

Never be afraid to count your blessings, you'll likely start to run out of numbers :)

Romans 8:28
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Because our roof is leaky and everyone needs help...

Like most things in life, it all comes down to grass.  Right?

As the all-wise-and-knowing Hilary and Corey said a couple of weeks ago "The grass is always greener on the other side."  Though, in their case, this was actually, truly literal, because we were building a fence for their yard, and the neighbors grass was, indeed, greener. But, their fence rocked, and after it's built, they won't even know their grass isn't the greenest! :)

I'm not sure where this idea came from, but I always seem to think if I work hard enough, everything will be okay.  That my grass will be the greenest.

What.A.Lie.

I don't mean having a lotta money, a perfect job, or a super nice house. Nothing as exceptional as that.  I mean things about myself.  If I could just keep my house clean, if I could just be a better wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend, if I could just have more self-control, less crazy, more patience, less cranky, more grace, etc...

If. If. If...  

The problem is, even if I WAS able to achieve all of those things, eventually, something would break or change, and I'd have to work (twice as) hard to get back to who I wanted to be.  And that whole working twice as hard deal, well, as I've been finding out, that uses up all of your time and energy, running around trying to make everything perfect, and that leaves you have nothing left to give the people that you love.  And what a crapload of crapiness that is!

So, about that whole having any energy left over to give those you love thing.  Everyone needs help.  If I wanted the perfect life, it would require everything from me.  Everything.  I would have nothing left to give those in my family and community.  And the reality is, life isn't about stuff, it isn't about things, it's about people.  And I want to be able to give them everything.  Everything.  Every part of who I am and all I can do to help them.  But, if I'm spending all of my time and energy on my life, well, they're just not gonna get it.

Everyone needs help.  Varying times, varying situations, varying life struggles.  We need so much.  So, so, so much.  We need each other.  As much as our society tries to promote the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality, we cannot argue that no one is truly able to make it through this life (successfully) alone.  And even if you could, who would want to?  Not me, that's fo sho!

There are two ways to look at everything and everyone in your life needing so very much.  It can either make you overwhelmed and frustrated.  Or, it can make you take a serious look at your life and re-prioritize how you live it.

So, when everything in your life requires so much, and everyone in your life needs help, what do you do?  What, or who, takes priority?  Lemme give you a hint.  It's the who, not the what.  I don't want a clean house, but friends who are struggling and feeling all alone.  I don't want a perfectly manicured lawn (as if that would ever happen anyway!), and family who hasn't seen me in a month.  I don't want a perfect body, but no one to share my life with.  I don't want a relaxed scheduled, but a community who hasn't seen me in weeks, and needs my strength and love.

I have a leaky roof.  I have a house full of dust and a laundry room full of dirty clothes. And I am out of toilet paper.  But, you know what?  I have friends, family, and a community who need me, and they win out over all of that other stuff (except the toilet paper, that is a necessity!).  I will give up everything else, including my pride about my "stuff", so that I can do/be what they need.  And even more, I will do it happily.  Cuz, as my parents always taught me, don't do something unless you can do it with a good attitude.

My love will shine through my dirty house.  My love will shine through my chaotic schedule.  My love will shine through my leaky roof.  My grass will not be greener, but my heart will be bigger.

Everyone needs help, and I'm not about to say no. So, here is my good attitude - you've got it!

Mama Bear

So, once upon a time (before I was a mom), I heard a woman complaining about how she always has to stop to show strangers her baby (not present), because everyone always wants to tell her how cute her child is.  I was in stitches. I mean, for reals?  How "ridiculous" of other people to compliment her baby... did she honestly think that this was a crime?  Rude!

Ok, but to break it down for you, her kid wasn't there, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that her child was out-of-this-world adorable... But, I nearly laughed out loud at her righteous indignation, and legitimately thinking that this was something acceptable to complain about.  I mean, come on.  I'm not sure of the sex of her child, but apparently she'd been blessed with the baby version of Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston (yeah, that was a purposeful exclusion of Miss-I'm-a-husband-stealer-Jolie), and people couldn't wait to stop her, just to look at her angelic kid, and tell her how cute they were.

Must be tough.  

But here's what it made me think about... Nobody stops me in public when I have Axel with me.  Don't get me wrong, my kid is cute.  In fact, he is freakin' 'dorbs.  He doesn't mind hangin' out with strangers, he coos and chats with anyone who comes near, and he'll make even the most awkward person feel 10 feet tall with one of his million-dollar-Julia-Roberts-style-gummy smiles. It's obvi that my child is not what keeps strangers away.

But, nobody stops me in public when I have Axel with me.  And do you know why?  

Plain and simple folks, when I'm out and about and Axel is with me I give off a huge B vibe.  That's right, it's true.  A new side of me has emerged with motherhood, and lemme tell you, it ain't pretty.  No, we're not talkin' a walking hormonal hot mess.  Not that kind of cray.  We're talkin' straight up, mama bear-ness.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, I am not a traditionally maternal lady.  It's just not me.  But since having procured this small human, I have become a force to be reckoned with.  Just in case you were wondering, the definition of that is: "Someone or something that is important and powerful and must not be ignored."   That about sums it up.  The girl who goes to the doctor and accepts whatever they tell her without contradiction, the girl who feels bad even ordering things online because she doesn't want to bug the employees, or the girl who never returns a meal or drink no matter how terrible it is - that girl does not exist when Axel is involved.  That girl turns into a mama bear who will do anything and everything to keep her baby safe.  That girl is tough, strong, and when needed, vicious, to protect her child.  Strangers don't ask to see my baby because something in my demeanor shouts "Don't even think about getting near my precious little child, because I.WILL.END YOU."  

Why this enormous change of heart and personality?  Because, this is my little human. He is mine.  He made me a mom, he trusts me with his life (even though he doesn't know it yet), and he now retains an incredibly large section of my heart.  

I can't describe to you the enormity of changes that occur when you have a child, it would take too many words, most of which would not truly do it justice.  Yes, you change.  Everything morphs.  Not just your post-baby body, with all of it's fun little quirks, much of which requires a heck of a lot of grace with yourself (sure, not everything snaps back to where it once was, the heartburn that they promise you will stop once you give birth but doesn't, the baby fat everyone swears that you will lose eventually, or the crazy amount of hair that you start spontaneously losing).  No, that is not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about what changes inside.  That mama bear instinct that appears out of nowhere and drives you to do anything and everything you need to do to protect your offspring.  Sure, I heard ladies talk about it, but I never truly understood, and I certainly didn't think I would ever feel.  But now I do.  I would give my life without a second thought to protect Axel - bullets, knives, fires.  Anything. I would throw myself in front of a train to save that little man.  

But why?

Some people argue it's hormones.  Some say it's instinct.  I think it's something God puts in your soul.  This little being, thigh chubs and all, is now a part of you.  A part that if lost, cannot be replaced, and you will do absolutely anything to protect it - just like you would if it was literally a part of you - a hand, a leg, or eyeball, anything...  

And you know what I think is so stinkin' amazing?  It makes you selfless.  Mama bears don't think before going after anyone or anything that separates them from their young.  They just do.  Now, I'm not suggesting that mothers have a free pass for being an absolute B to any stranger who happens along wanting to compliment their child as Ms. Complainer from earlier lived out. I simply mean, I have a new found respect for the absolute beauty of selflessness that occurs within your soul when you produce a child that needs everything from you.  No resentment, no reservations, just love and protection.  And honestly, humans are pretty gosh-darn selfish, so I'm fairly certain that this feeling comes straight from God.  Pretty cool if you ask me :)

So cheers to all of the mama bears out there.  Protect your babies!  But just make sure you're not mauling any innocent bystanders in the process ;)

An Apology...

So.

Today I watched my baby brother be completely reamed out for doing something nice.

Let me start from the beginning.  It was our early Mother's Day celebration for my (amaze-balls!) mom.  And at the grand ol' OCB in Burnsville, when the Alsdurf clan gathered to celebrate our matriarch, the best lady ever, Peggy (I could write an entire blog about her alone!), we watched my bro be completely disrespected by an elderly man.  While we waited for the youngest sib, Mr. Nathan-munchkin-Alsdurf, we saw an older couple making their way to the restaurant door.  The woman was clearly disabled, needing the help of her husband and a walker, and even then, they seemed to both struggle getting around.  We saw Nate arrive, and like the extremely responsible and good-hearted young man he is, he tried (TWICE!) to open the doors for them both.  Not only did the man deny Nate (twice!!!), but once he walked in and joined us, the man proceeded to lecture Nate on how he shouldn't be trying to open the door for others and why.

You see, some people do not realize the impact of their actions.  And there are some people, mostly those who have lived on this earth a long time, that should really know better.  With the sheer number of years they've spent on this ball of water, land and air, they should know the weight of their words, and they should choose them carefully.

But they don't always.  And sometimes, like all of us, they make mistakes.

My initial reaction was that of anger.  How dare this man, regardless of age, be so rude to someone who was just trying to be nice.  I was livid.  Finding someone of the younger generation who would even think to open the door for others is rare, and that man just made my brother feel like a jerk for just trying to be nice and respectful.  I wanted to yell some very choice words right in his face.

But, I didn't.

So, instead, here is my apology...

To the elderly man:  I'm sorry that you have a disabled wife, it must tough for both of you having to deal with that.  I'm guessing that being older you must experience a lot of hard things in your life. I'm sorry that because of your life experiences, you must have felt some need to defend yourself.  I'm sorry that you didn't feel the respect and honor my brother was trying to convey with his offer to hold the door open for you.  I wish the best for you and your wife, a life of peace and joy.

To my brother:  I'm sorry that you were denied the immense joy of helping others.  In a world that rarely encourages being honorable, I'm so sorry that when you tried to be that, you were not only publicly embarrassed, but also denied the opportunity to bless someone.  I'm sorry that man's personal issues didn't allow him to be thankful for your gesture of kindness.  But mostly, I'm sorry if his poor reaction makes you balk at trying to respectfully honor others in the future.

You see, the thing is, that dude had his reasons for acting the way that he did.  But so did my brother.  And the thing that breaks my heart, is that when kindness, true kindness, is doled out and denied, it keeps us from trying to do it again in the future.  Sure, I could rant and rave about how my brother is in the right, and this man was in the wrong.  But it wouldn't do any good.  It won't change what happened, and it won't change what will happen in the future.  But I can apologize for the unfortunate experiences, and pray that it doesn't happen again.

So, again, here is my apology, a blanket apology for those of us that have reacted poorly to the kindness of others:  I'm sorry.  It was wrong.  And it shouldn't happen again.  And to everyone else, please don't let those bad experiences keep you from being kind again in the future.  Your love changes things, don't forget that.

My brother is a rockstar, and handled it all like a champ.  He responded with respect and integrity, and I couldn't be more proud.

Don't let the hardness of heart that others bear keep you from responding in love.  It's hard, but everything that's worth fighting for is...