There are some pretty addictive things in this world, but none is more enslaving than control.
The thing about control is that if we feel like we have it we seem to do okay... but when we feel like we don't have control, we act bat-poop-cray-cray... The funny part is, really, do we ever actually "have" control? I mean, do we control what we have for breakfast and how much time we spend dinking around the house? Sure. But, over big life circumstances? Usually not.
And yet, even though we know that... control is like a drug that we can't get enough of. Sometimes we even fool ourselves into thinking that we have control, right? I've caught myself numerous times exercising "control" over things in my life, that in reality, are just as likely to have not happened as they were to have happened. More like luck, if you believe in such a thing.
Driving home today I got behind a really slow driver. Like, monumentally slow. The kind of driver that makes you wish that driver's licenses could be revoked by normal citizens. On a two lane road, there was nothing I could do but sit back, lay off the gas, and let this super slow Corolla make it's way to wherever their super slow selves needed to be (but apparently not very quickly). A mile later, there had just (as in JUST) been an accident - the drivers were still exchanging their information. It didn't look like anyone was injured badly, but it was a pretty big car/truck accident.
Mr. Slow Corolla (who shall now be known as MSC) took his sweet time making his way around this obstacle as well, but I was too engrossed to notice. All I could think of was how, if I hadn't been stuck behind the Guinness Book of World Records Winner for Putziest Driver Ever, that smashed up car might have been mine... or worse, had I not been going at such an astronomically slow speed, I may have come around the corner and actually hit the driver of the car trying to get out. Now of course, in those types of situations, our minds always tend to go to the worst possible scenario, and maybe there was no "bigger plan" for my being behind MSC, but it still makes you think, right?
I think I am in control, but really, I'm not. And guess what? Neither are you :)
And yet, we toil, day in and day out to get control, as if it is something to be attained. When the big things in life seem like they are in constant flux, we grasp at anything we can to create some barrier, some fortress against the change. Something, anything, to hold on to... our finances, our weight, our work schedules, our pets... as if any of these things can give us what we're really looking for - which is peace.
It's just a little past Christmas time, and this year my family spent some time going around the circle and reminiscing. We each talked about one of our favorite memories of a past Christmas. One of mine was junior year of high school when my group of close friends did a Secret Santa exchange. To be honest, I'm getting old, and I really don't even remember who's name I had, or who had me. But, I do remember a lot of crazy running around, finding out locker combinations, leaving secret notes under desks and sneaking out late on Christmas eve to go leave presents on people's door steps. It was an absolutely perfect Christmas.
I know you're thinking "Aww, isn't that sweet, but what the heck does this have to do with control?"
Right. On to the point. After reminiscing I started to think about how, even though I love my past Christmas memories, they rarely have much to do with the actual reason for the season - Christ. Christ came to save us... that little baby in a manger, came to save us from certain death. But he didn't come for just that. Because you can be saved from death and still be miserable, right? Absolutely. He also came to bring us peace... And now you're thinking, "Oh yeah, the Prince of Peace, that whole thing, I get it now!" :)
The point is, striving after control will not save you.
Please hear me on this, you will not feel more in control, no matter what you seem to have control over. This drug really won't help you. What you need is peace, and that's not something that you can get by yourself (I know, I've tried!). So take a minute to just breathe, and let it sink in. If peace, and not control, is what you need, then I think you know where to get it...
Merry Christmas friends, and may you have a very peace-filled year!
Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
"Those" Women
I always thought that I wouldn't be one of "those" women.
You know who I'm talking about - the women who complain through their ENTIRE pregnancy, lamenting left and right, until you pretty much wanna shout loudly (into their puffy and unhappy faces) "Then why did you even GET pregnant?!?!" But you don't. Because that would be rude. And we're Minnesotans. So we're nice. We only think mean thoughts, we never actually say them ;)
I always swore I wouldn't be one of those complaining, cranky women. Until 33 weeks. Now I understand.
I'm not saying pregnancy gives you a free pass to complain about anything and everything, but I do get how "over it" you can start to feel at this stage of the "miracle of creating life".
I've actually been very blessed considering some of the pretty terrible things that can happen during pregnancy health-wise. I've had nausea for all of these blessed 34 weeks (minus a few weeks during the 2nd tri), but it's manageable now (I only want to vomit occasionally throughout the day, instead of constantly ;)). On the other hand, I have no stretch marks, no varicose veins, no "kankles", no swelling whatsoever, staying at a nice low preggo weight, and eating relatively healthy. I've been super blessed that my preggo body is pretty much the same minus the belly (and bigger boobs!), and most of my pre-preggo clothes still fit, even my pants as long as I wear them low! There have been lots of other not-fun pregnancy issues as well, but overall, I truly have to count myself lucky.
So, why am I feeling this intense urge to complain?
Because, no matter how lucky and blessed you are during pregnancy - 99% of women hit a point where you are absolutely and terribly uncomfortable, no matter what you do. You (simultaneously) have to pee, eat some tums, re-adjust your legs (and hope that you don't actually pee your pants WHILE doing this), and try to tell yourself not to cry when your husband pours out the last of your ONLY caffeine-free drink... because you know it's just your hormones. And it's totally not logical to cry over a drink. Right. But you still cry anyway :)
And the belly. It's everywhere! When you try to turn over in the night - the belly! When you knock over the glass on the counter for the 4th time today - the belly! When you can't get behind the wheel without adjusting everything in the whole gosh-darn front seat - the belly! And especially when you are really looking forward to putting on your one and only ugly Christmas sweater, only to find out that when put on, the theme song that you should be singing is "Fat guy in a little coat" (thanks Tommyboy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGWbt3DSje0 ), and you know immediately that you have NO shot at actually keeping it on your poor preggo body - THE BELLY!
Alright, obviously I am not done with this whole pregnancy thing, so I can't really talk about how "once you hold that baby in your arms it's totally worth it", but I can say this much - making a baby ain't pretty, it's nothing like what you see on the cover of People magazine, and it's about as unglamourous as you can get. BUT, I do think that it's great preparation for becoming an actual parent. It's no longer about you. You are literally giving up your own body to host this lil' guy or gal, and that's a pretty gosh-darn big sacrifice.
So while I can genuinely say that I am officially "done" with this whole pregnancy shindig, I still feel extremely blessed to have this guy hanging out with me, and am committed to keeping a positive attitude until he decides to join this great big world of ours (hopefully no more than 6 weeks away). It also doesn't hurt that I have an extremely supportive and understanding hubby ;)
But, despite my best efforts, every once in a while, you will still prolly hear me complain... because let's be honest, growin' this kid is hard work! :) 6 weeks to go baby!
You know who I'm talking about - the women who complain through their ENTIRE pregnancy, lamenting left and right, until you pretty much wanna shout loudly (into their puffy and unhappy faces) "Then why did you even GET pregnant?!?!" But you don't. Because that would be rude. And we're Minnesotans. So we're nice. We only think mean thoughts, we never actually say them ;)
I always swore I wouldn't be one of those complaining, cranky women. Until 33 weeks. Now I understand.
I'm not saying pregnancy gives you a free pass to complain about anything and everything, but I do get how "over it" you can start to feel at this stage of the "miracle of creating life".
I've actually been very blessed considering some of the pretty terrible things that can happen during pregnancy health-wise. I've had nausea for all of these blessed 34 weeks (minus a few weeks during the 2nd tri), but it's manageable now (I only want to vomit occasionally throughout the day, instead of constantly ;)). On the other hand, I have no stretch marks, no varicose veins, no "kankles", no swelling whatsoever, staying at a nice low preggo weight, and eating relatively healthy. I've been super blessed that my preggo body is pretty much the same minus the belly (and bigger boobs!), and most of my pre-preggo clothes still fit, even my pants as long as I wear them low! There have been lots of other not-fun pregnancy issues as well, but overall, I truly have to count myself lucky.
So, why am I feeling this intense urge to complain?
Because, no matter how lucky and blessed you are during pregnancy - 99% of women hit a point where you are absolutely and terribly uncomfortable, no matter what you do. You (simultaneously) have to pee, eat some tums, re-adjust your legs (and hope that you don't actually pee your pants WHILE doing this), and try to tell yourself not to cry when your husband pours out the last of your ONLY caffeine-free drink... because you know it's just your hormones. And it's totally not logical to cry over a drink. Right. But you still cry anyway :)
And the belly. It's everywhere! When you try to turn over in the night - the belly! When you knock over the glass on the counter for the 4th time today - the belly! When you can't get behind the wheel without adjusting everything in the whole gosh-darn front seat - the belly! And especially when you are really looking forward to putting on your one and only ugly Christmas sweater, only to find out that when put on, the theme song that you should be singing is "Fat guy in a little coat" (thanks Tommyboy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGWbt3DSje0 ), and you know immediately that you have NO shot at actually keeping it on your poor preggo body - THE BELLY!
Alright, obviously I am not done with this whole pregnancy thing, so I can't really talk about how "once you hold that baby in your arms it's totally worth it", but I can say this much - making a baby ain't pretty, it's nothing like what you see on the cover of People magazine, and it's about as unglamourous as you can get. BUT, I do think that it's great preparation for becoming an actual parent. It's no longer about you. You are literally giving up your own body to host this lil' guy or gal, and that's a pretty gosh-darn big sacrifice.
So while I can genuinely say that I am officially "done" with this whole pregnancy shindig, I still feel extremely blessed to have this guy hanging out with me, and am committed to keeping a positive attitude until he decides to join this great big world of ours (hopefully no more than 6 weeks away). It also doesn't hurt that I have an extremely supportive and understanding hubby ;)
But, despite my best efforts, every once in a while, you will still prolly hear me complain... because let's be honest, growin' this kid is hard work! :) 6 weeks to go baby!
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