Sometimes I think that we are our own worst enemies.
If you've ever done any introspection, read a self-help book, or spent a lil' time thinking about the future, you've prolly discovered a few inconsistencies between what you value and how you actually live your life. Or maybe I am alone in this struggle? :)
I spent a wonderful weekend with two of the most incredible women that I know. They breathe life into my tired soul, make me laugh so hard that I cry, and cry so hard that I have to laugh (Chels quote). It's hard to imagine my life without these two ladies, and yet, they live 900 miles and 2000 miles away from me. This means two things (if not more)...
1. I must love them a lot, because our relationships have been primarily long-distance for the many years that we have been friends.
2. Because we are so far away from one another, our friendships are sustained primarily by phone, email, text and FB.
That said, here's what you need to know about me.
1. I am an introvert - meaning that I re-charge my energy by spending time alone, not with others. Because of that, alone time is crucial for my sanity, and spending time with others, no matter how much I love them, can be draining (i.e. email, phone, text, FB, etc).
2. My primary love language is quality time (The Five Love Languages book).
What the heck?! Why would these two things be a part of the same person? This doesn't make sense! Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor? :)
These two things creates a huge conflict in my life. Thus, being my own worst enemy.
I want to spend time with those that I love, because it's how I show them how much I care for them, but at the same time, it often leaves me feeling totally beat. In the past, this has ended poorly, because when I am drained, the thing that I need most is some down time to just chill, but that can leave my friends feeling totally left out of my life.
Don't get me wrong, introverts still LOVE people and spending time with them! It's not like every moment is torture, it's just that they need some time to re-coup from all of the craziness :)
The good part is that I have incredibly amazing friends and family who understand my unending struggle, and have grace with me, because they know that the time that I spend with them is my way of demonstrating my love, even if it's not as much, or as often, as they would like. They value me, and so they are willing to put up with my "flakiness" (nickname in highschool, and accordingly dedicated song, Jack Johnson's "Flake").
Like I said, this weekend I spent some amazing quality time with two amazing women - and their actions, and the way that they live life, challenged me deeply (as it always does). Do I live my live according to the values that I hold so highly?
The answer is a big fat "Nope". Sad, but true.
I need to give up more of my life.
Do I need to sacrifice all of the alone time that I crave so much? No. But, do I need to push myself further to make sure that I am giving those in my life that I love, the time and attention that they need and deserve? Yes.
I want to live the way that God has called me to. After all, He knows better than anyone what my strengths and weaknesses are. He knows my heart and He knows my sacrifices.
And the thing is, if we don't sacrifice for those that we love, is it really His love, or just convenient worldly love? (Clarification: Spending time with loved ones does not mean a sacrifice :)
I refuse to live selfishly. I want to make everyone feel as valued as they possibly can be.
So, "Worst Enemy", do your best, you won't win against this girl!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Take Care
I have no doubt that some of you will agree with the content below and some of you will vehemently not agree with it. That's okay, I don't intend to convince you, it's not about that, it's just something to think about...
Being a chick, at times, is hard. (I think if you're a girl, you'll agree with this part.)
Being a wife, at times, can be really challenging. (I think if you're a girl and married, you'll also agree with this part.)
Being a woman and feeling attractive ALL of the time is a nearly impossible feat. (I think if you're a girl, and if you've ever had a "my outfit just doesn't look right" day, a breakout day, a fat day, or any kind of other "ugh, I just want to hide in a hole" kind of day, you'll prolly agree with this part.)
If you said "yup!" to any of the above, you'll fully understand when I say the following: Sometimes, being a woman really sucks!
Yeah, I said it, and I don't regret it, but don't forget I put it in the context of the statements listed above. It can be really hard to feel as though you are constantly on display, required to look beautiful, and any deviation from that is critiqued or commented upon (Kim Kardashian's pregnancy weight anyone? [BTW - NOT a Kardashian fan, and don't like her at all actually, just don't feel like the scrutiny is fair]), by anyone and everyone, and unfortunately is fairly commonplace and not (necessarily) considered rude. So yeah, it sucks.
But, I'm gonna forego that whole convo, because anyone who picks up a gossip magazine or has walked in a girl's shoes (stilettos? :)) knows that, and it doesn't need re-hashing, I will leave that part up to my uber-feminist friends. (Note: I know that being a dude is pretty hard too, so don't get me wrong, we all have our struggles, neither is "harder", but I can't speak 'bout being a guy, so I'll let that be covered by some of my sups awesome men friends!)
What I want to talk about is taking care of yourself. As a woman.
I don't know who you are or where you are at in life. You may be single, married, pregnant, widowed, divorced, or any combination of those particular statuses (statusi?). It doesn't really matter to me. What I care about is you taking care of yourself.
For some reason the term "taking care of yourself" has become controversial, as if it's some misogynist phrase that has worked it's way into our culture. Instead, I would propose, that it is exactly what it says, care of oneself, and considering the details that I listed above, it can be difficult to do that as a woman, and still be considered attractive.
What I am talking about is making sure that your body, mind, soul and heart are being cared for - by you. You cannot expect anyone to take care of you if you're not willing to take care of yourself. No one can save you from yourself, nor should they.
When I was younger I had this romantic notion of being saved from myself, my bad habits, my unlove for my own body, serious lack of confidence, and inability to see beauty in myself. What a tragic notion. Love cannot save us, unless it's loving ourselves.
I am not a "women power" kinda girl, so please don't think that this is the direction of my post. What I am trying to say is that we need to take care of ourselves. Don't lose weight, exercise, stop smoking, drinking too much, binge eating, or any other unhealthy habit because of your relationship status (meaning how you are in relationship with others), single, mother, wife, etc. Those decisions are based on things that could change. They are not based on caring for you because you value your own self.
If you've read this blog you know my thoughts on beauty, so don't think that this is about appearances. I don't care if you're overweight, underweight, plain, gorgeous, or any other descriptive word. I care about you and how you live your life. If you are taking care of yourself, in the top four (body, soul, mind and heart), then I believe that you will be "healthy". You may not look like a model, act like a nun, or feel like a goddess, but goshdarnit, who does?!
If we're honest, most of the things we beat ourselves up over are not based on our emotions or convictions, they are based on the opinions or comments of others. How can we possibly live up to that? Answer: We can't. No one is perfect. And making major life choices based on those opinions or comments will not help us, nor will they be sustainable. If you need to stop doing something (or start doing something) to become healthier, then do it, not because of anyone else, but because you are worth it (thank you L'Oreal! :))
We need to make healthy choices for ourselves first, and always. That said, we also do owe it to our loved ones to make healthy choices. No woman is an island. Do not try to convince yourself that the poor or unhealthy choices that you make will not affect those in your life. That should not be a guilt trip, because like I said before, that will not help your convictions, it's just simply a reality.
So here's my thang: I owe my husband a healthy (mind, body, heart, soul, and spiritually), life-long, loving and kind partner. I owe my family and friends a lifetime with the best possible version of me that I can be. My body is not my own, it was a gift from God, and I strive to live accordingly.
You don't have to agree with me, I said that before, I just ask you to think about it. You don't have to lose that last 5lbs (who's counting anyway?), you just need to be able to look in the mirror and know that you are doing your best to take care of yourself, and because of that, you are better able to care for those that you love.
Take care my beautiful chicas, you deserve it.
Being a chick, at times, is hard. (I think if you're a girl, you'll agree with this part.)
Being a wife, at times, can be really challenging. (I think if you're a girl and married, you'll also agree with this part.)
Being a woman and feeling attractive ALL of the time is a nearly impossible feat. (I think if you're a girl, and if you've ever had a "my outfit just doesn't look right" day, a breakout day, a fat day, or any kind of other "ugh, I just want to hide in a hole" kind of day, you'll prolly agree with this part.)
If you said "yup!" to any of the above, you'll fully understand when I say the following: Sometimes, being a woman really sucks!
Yeah, I said it, and I don't regret it, but don't forget I put it in the context of the statements listed above. It can be really hard to feel as though you are constantly on display, required to look beautiful, and any deviation from that is critiqued or commented upon (Kim Kardashian's pregnancy weight anyone? [BTW - NOT a Kardashian fan, and don't like her at all actually, just don't feel like the scrutiny is fair]), by anyone and everyone, and unfortunately is fairly commonplace and not (necessarily) considered rude. So yeah, it sucks.
But, I'm gonna forego that whole convo, because anyone who picks up a gossip magazine or has walked in a girl's shoes (stilettos? :)) knows that, and it doesn't need re-hashing, I will leave that part up to my uber-feminist friends. (Note: I know that being a dude is pretty hard too, so don't get me wrong, we all have our struggles, neither is "harder", but I can't speak 'bout being a guy, so I'll let that be covered by some of my sups awesome men friends!)
What I want to talk about is taking care of yourself. As a woman.
I don't know who you are or where you are at in life. You may be single, married, pregnant, widowed, divorced, or any combination of those particular statuses (statusi?). It doesn't really matter to me. What I care about is you taking care of yourself.
For some reason the term "taking care of yourself" has become controversial, as if it's some misogynist phrase that has worked it's way into our culture. Instead, I would propose, that it is exactly what it says, care of oneself, and considering the details that I listed above, it can be difficult to do that as a woman, and still be considered attractive.
What I am talking about is making sure that your body, mind, soul and heart are being cared for - by you. You cannot expect anyone to take care of you if you're not willing to take care of yourself. No one can save you from yourself, nor should they.
When I was younger I had this romantic notion of being saved from myself, my bad habits, my unlove for my own body, serious lack of confidence, and inability to see beauty in myself. What a tragic notion. Love cannot save us, unless it's loving ourselves.
I am not a "women power" kinda girl, so please don't think that this is the direction of my post. What I am trying to say is that we need to take care of ourselves. Don't lose weight, exercise, stop smoking, drinking too much, binge eating, or any other unhealthy habit because of your relationship status (meaning how you are in relationship with others), single, mother, wife, etc. Those decisions are based on things that could change. They are not based on caring for you because you value your own self.
If you've read this blog you know my thoughts on beauty, so don't think that this is about appearances. I don't care if you're overweight, underweight, plain, gorgeous, or any other descriptive word. I care about you and how you live your life. If you are taking care of yourself, in the top four (body, soul, mind and heart), then I believe that you will be "healthy". You may not look like a model, act like a nun, or feel like a goddess, but goshdarnit, who does?!
If we're honest, most of the things we beat ourselves up over are not based on our emotions or convictions, they are based on the opinions or comments of others. How can we possibly live up to that? Answer: We can't. No one is perfect. And making major life choices based on those opinions or comments will not help us, nor will they be sustainable. If you need to stop doing something (or start doing something) to become healthier, then do it, not because of anyone else, but because you are worth it (thank you L'Oreal! :))
We need to make healthy choices for ourselves first, and always. That said, we also do owe it to our loved ones to make healthy choices. No woman is an island. Do not try to convince yourself that the poor or unhealthy choices that you make will not affect those in your life. That should not be a guilt trip, because like I said before, that will not help your convictions, it's just simply a reality.
So here's my thang: I owe my husband a healthy (mind, body, heart, soul, and spiritually), life-long, loving and kind partner. I owe my family and friends a lifetime with the best possible version of me that I can be. My body is not my own, it was a gift from God, and I strive to live accordingly.
You don't have to agree with me, I said that before, I just ask you to think about it. You don't have to lose that last 5lbs (who's counting anyway?), you just need to be able to look in the mirror and know that you are doing your best to take care of yourself, and because of that, you are better able to care for those that you love.
Take care my beautiful chicas, you deserve it.
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