You know how in movies you always know when someone is gonna die? They either totally villainize (word?) someone, or completely cast them in this angelic light (crazy, cuz, in a way, isn't that tryin' to show where they're gonna go when they die...?), I mean, we're talkin' soft-lense filters on the cameras even. The second you see that filter, it's like "Oh man, crap is gonna get real and that dude is gonna die yo!"
Life isn't like that so much. Not the whole death and soft-lense stuff, but I really do think that when we look back at certain "scenes" from our lives, it's pretty apparent what God was doin' and why He was doin' it.
My past is weird. But so is everyone else's I guess.
I feel like I've learned so many things over my 29 years... Each day is new, complete with adventures and opportunities, reasons to become better than the day before.
The scared little girl who hid in the shadows of others, thrived in the realm of passive aggressive behavior/drama (in both relationships and life), and never really knew what she wanted is gone. Someone else has taken her place.
Our pasts can debilitate us if we let them, but it's up to us to choose the future. We are not victims, we are not witnesses, we are protagonists.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The thing is though, that because of my past, I've often viewed God as a judge. I have done some pretty dumb crap in my life, many things that I regret and wish I could take back. If I'm honest, the moments in which I've thought "I'm totally gonna get punished for this..." have often been in my past. Not because I'm an exceptionally bad person (is anyone?/aren't we all?), but because guilt can take root in many forms, even if it is the residual kind.
What is not a part of my "Past + Guilt = I Suck" equation is grace. It's pretty apparent from the verse above that Jesus has my back, He does not see me as a hopeless cause, someone who cannot change, or a complete waste of His time. He's sees me as redeemed, worthy, and someone whom He loves.
What's great about this is that (besides the fact that, boy, do I need grace!) it can lead my into a new and renewing perspective of myself. I do not have to live as someone is who is condemned to a set way of living, expecting certain failures, or that I must be bound to do wrong at some point.
Everyone I know has got a reason to say - "put the past away."
You can't hide from your past, nor should you, it's a part of who you are, but it's okay to put it away and focus on becoming who He meant you to be. Excited to see the plans enfold for all of us - He's got some pretty awesome stuff in store, I'm sure of it!
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