i have mentioned once or twice before how much i love my family. truly, i am incredibly blessed to be a part of the family that i did not choose, as well as the one that i did, and they are equally amazing. but today i am only going to talk about one half of my family, the family that i chose.
i got a text from a friend yesterday, out of the blue, and she reminded me of how lucky i was to have the in-laws that i do. that text could not have come at a better time.
the past year has been full of change in the Lindstedt household, mostly the "temporary loss" of family members. within what seemed liked a few short months, two of the three Lindstedt boys, and the only other Lindstedt girl, left Minnesota for adventures, starting off on the journey that our Creator had set out for them. one brother to the other side of the world, literally, and one brother and sister to what sometimes feels like the other side of the world, but is really just across the country.
they left empty chairs at the dinner table, unopened birthday and christmas presents sitting on kitchen counter tops and enormous holes in our hearts. it's been a hard year of transition for those "left behind."
and tomorrow one brother will be coming home from a very long journey for a short time before leaving once again. i am fairly certain that words cannot describe how incredibly happy i am to see him, but the happiness has been somewhat dampened, though i wasn't entirely sure why. until i got that text. the thing is, tomorrow will bring home an amazing brother, but it will also bring with it the reality that Ryn and i have not been living in some alternate universe for the past year, the denial that our brothers and sister have actually gone is starting to wear off... and while we take immense joy in seeing them and celebrating with them when they are able to be home, the sadness that this is the new "normal" is palpable. i think, no, i know, in the back of my mind, i believed that it was all temporary, that eventually all of the Lindstedt clan would be together once again, that everyone would return from their adventures and we'd be happily reunited. sounds like a familial-themed fairy tale, huh?
so what did that text do? it brought me to a place where i can properly grieve the loss of a family dynamic that more than likely will not be returning. does that mean that the long-lost brothers and sister will never return? no, certainly not. does it mean that we can't find beauty and joy in this new normal? no! but in order to move forward and embrace this new way of doing life with our family, it is imperative to accept that it is exactly that: life... reality... ignorance may be bliss, but it's certainly not very wise.
and i think it's okay to be sad, to mourn a little bit, feel the pain of having loved ones far away. those emotions speak to the depth of the relationships shared.
but it is also a wonderful thing to rejoice and share in the excitement of our incredible siblings, and what God has done in and through them over the past year. one brother has traveled the world and shared God's love with countless people. one brother and sister have helped start a church, a haven for the lost and a place of community for those who love Him. and we will soon have our very first nephew! the next generation of Lindstedts, what an incredible thing to experience, and it brings so much joy to my heart i can barely stand it.
my friend's text was right, i am so very lucky to have the in-laws that i do. my additional mother, father and brothers, my only sister, and our eagerly anticipated nephew, they all make this life feel like home. and i don't mind the distance, a little heartbreak is okay, because family is a never-ending story and so much is not yet written, so much is still left to be told...
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