say what you mean, mean what you say

what're you tryin' to say?

isn't it funny how that saying has actually become somewhat of a comeback or threat in our culture?

how you are seen, who you are, who you want to be, what you want to do... it's always interesting to me to try and understand why people are the way that they are, why they do what they do, and why they say what they say.  you'd think that is mostly psychology and sociology, but i actually do quite a bit of this in my job.

i won't bore you with lots of HR-speak, but i will say that a big part of what i do is determining people's real intentions.  reading in between the lines - what they say and what they actually mean.  i am certainly no mind-reader, but i have learned to fairly accurately cut through the B.S. and figure out what's really going on.  not to say that i can't be fooled, but thinly-veiled comments or "theoretical situations" are not typically gonna get by me.

now i know that many of us live in a Minnesota-nice world (minus our super-aggressive-rush-hour-style driving), and confrontation is pretty much a thirteen/four-letter word, but there is just something about being honest and forthright that just seems right to me. oh, maybe it's because "right" is actually in the word forthright.  hehe :)  but f'reals, why do honesty and being polite seem mutually exclusive?  idk. really.  i struggle with this just as much as the next person, but i still feel the truth of it.

say what you mean and mean what you say, because if you don't, well, what's the point in saying anything at all?  the hope that someone will read into what you really mean?  is that deceptive? manipulative?  just plain unwise?  huh.  don't hide behind the words of others, it doesn't bolster your credibility, but instead appears cowardly.

Matt 5:37  "Simply let your yes be yes and your no, no..."  anything beyond that and it seems like you're just inviting trouble, right?

family - the never ending story

i have mentioned once or twice before how much i love my family.  truly, i am incredibly blessed to be a part of the family that i did not choose, as well as the one that i did, and they are equally amazing. but today i am only going to talk about one half of my family, the family that i chose.

i got a text from a friend yesterday, out of the blue, and she reminded me of how lucky i was to have the in-laws that i do.  that text could not have come at a better time.

the past year has been full of change in the Lindstedt household, mostly the "temporary loss" of family members.  within what seemed liked a few short months, two of the three Lindstedt boys, and the only other Lindstedt girl, left Minnesota for adventures, starting off on the journey that our Creator had set out for them.  one brother to the other side of the world, literally, and one brother and sister to what sometimes feels like the other side of the world, but is really just across the country.

they left empty chairs at the dinner table, unopened birthday and christmas presents sitting on kitchen counter tops and enormous holes in our hearts.  it's been a hard year of transition for those "left behind."

and tomorrow one brother will be coming home from a very long journey for a short time before leaving once again.  i am fairly certain that words cannot describe how incredibly happy i am to see him, but the happiness has been somewhat dampened, though i wasn't entirely sure why.  until i got that text.  the thing is, tomorrow will bring home an amazing brother, but it will also bring with it the reality that Ryn and i have not been living in some alternate universe for the past year, the denial that our brothers and sister have actually gone is starting to wear off... and while we take immense joy in seeing them and celebrating with them when they are able to be home, the sadness that this is the new "normal" is palpable.  i think, no, i know, in the back of my mind, i believed that it was all temporary, that eventually all of the Lindstedt clan would be together once again, that everyone would return from their adventures and we'd be happily reunited.  sounds like a familial-themed fairy tale, huh?

so what did that text do?  it brought me to a place where i can properly grieve the loss of a family dynamic that more than likely will not be returning.  does that mean that the long-lost brothers and sister will never return?  no, certainly not.  does it mean that we can't find beauty and joy in this new normal?  no!  but in order to move forward and embrace this new way of doing life with our family, it is imperative to accept that it is exactly that: life... reality... ignorance may be bliss, but it's certainly not very wise.

and i think it's okay to be sad, to mourn a little bit, feel the pain of having loved ones far away.  those emotions speak to the depth of the relationships shared.

but it is also a wonderful thing to rejoice and share in the excitement of our incredible siblings, and what God has done in and through them over the past year.  one brother has traveled the world and shared God's love with countless people.  one brother and sister have helped start a church, a haven for the lost and a place of community for those who love Him.  and we will soon have our very first nephew!  the next generation of Lindstedts, what an incredible thing to experience, and it brings so much joy to my heart i can barely stand it.

my friend's text was right, i am so very lucky to have the in-laws that i do.  my additional mother, father and brothers, my only sister, and our eagerly anticipated nephew, they all make this life feel like home.  and i don't mind the distance, a little heartbreak is okay, because family is a never-ending story and so much is not yet written, so much is still left to be told...

lead me: alone and enough

another bike ride, another God moment.

here's what you need to understand: i love crazy music when i go for my adventures.  a run, bike ride, etc, i love to have a lil' old school music, usually some n'sync, maybe some brit spears or BB, s'all good.  i want somethin' that gets me motivated and movin.  out of date? yes. fun and jammin? also yes :)

this week, i switched to a new pandora station, a lil' too many slow jams for my trying-so-hard-to-get-back-into-exercising tastes, so i tried to change it.  my phone sucks, it just is what it is. but it never freezes when picking out some sweet tunes, it just doesn't.  but last night, on my super awesome bike ride (rockin' Obbs yo!), my phone totally and completely froze, unable to switch the station, dislike song or pause.  and it froze playing "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real.  nothing wrong with this musssaaaac, but it's not my typical "let's get this bike movin'" music, and i really tried to switch it.  like f'reals.  i stopped my bike, started and re-started good ol' pando, but no luck, kept replaying like it was a remix (thank you 2000's music and the remix versions that i can't help but jam to).

i'm not gonna go on a tangent about how awesome this song is, or how it touched my heart, or even how much i think some of my friends (especially married) needed to hear this, b/c let's be honest, these things only  really bring you to tears when you hear them, exactly when and how you need to hear them... and i don't like to feign the whole "you NEED to hear this, it's amazing" moments and i'm not the "post those lyrics" type of girl.

but.

i am gonna post these lyrics anyway :) cuz i do think they are awesome.  and you just might need to read/hear 'em right now.  and if not?  well, that's okay too, you can just ignore this blog entry... and that's okay too :)

------------

Lead Me lyrics
Songwriters: Matthew Hammitt;Jason Ingram;Christopher James Rohman

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames, I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear her saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear them saying

[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sanctus-real-lyrics/lead-me-lyrics.html |]
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh Father, show me the way
To lead them

Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me 'cause I can't do this alone