hey, i just met you, and this is crazy..

in many ways i am cra-y. f'real.  though i'm pretty sure if you know me, you're not too surprised by this statement :)  one of my big probs is that i have pretty much a one-track mind.  i get my mind set on somethin' and nothing/no one is gonna stop me.  why?  i have no idea...?  but the point is, i think that one of the biggest blessings God gives me is a massive interruption to my one-track-mindedness.  it's like a horse with blinders, i just don't see some of the stuff i really need to.

for example, grocery shopping.  i love food.  i love finding fun new foods.  i love cooking and trying out new recipes.  but put me in a grocery store and for some reason a switch goes off in my mind and i am on a mission - get in, get food, get out, STAT!  why?  i'm not sure.  but regardless, i really miss out on the journey, all of the fun experiences along the way.  what a waste!  and not a great way to live life either.  the good thing is, God usually finds a way to challenge me on that.

last night Ryn and i went to pick up my car from the shop (oh yes, automotive troubles seem to follow us wherever we go, oh joy!), but unfortunately, our nice, but none-too-thorough mechanic had forgotten to actually do the full 50 point inspection that we had paid for.  now, you have to know that we have been insanely busy the past few weeks.  i mean, we're talkin' 'bout the kelly-hasn't-even-gotten-a-chance-to-go-tanning-in-quite-some-time level, and again, if you know me at all, you know my vitamin D addiction has near obsessive tendencies.  point is, we've been busy yo.  and yesterday, our one goal was to have a "night off."  no chores, no craziness, just relaxation and goin' to bed E-A-R-L-Y.   well, Mr. Helpful Mechanic Man, you have just turned our one tiny little jaunt over to IGH into a nearly two hour ordeal.  so, what to do with our waiting time?  Ryn decided to be productive, so i dropped him off to do a few errands, and i ran around to do a few of my own.  

i got done at Targ-et boutique and had a few more minutes to kill, so i landed at a little shop in a strip mall.  i walked in and was immediately greeted by a friendly man who seemed to own the shop.  we started to chat, and in the course of our conversation he brought up that he was a muslim and had a very strong faith.  he asked me if i had a faith and i said yes... i won't try and outline the whole conversation because i think it's one of those things that would bore others to tears, but really meant a lot to me.  however i will say this, he was clearly very passionate about his faith, even to the extent of offering me a pamphlet on his beliefs before i left his store.  i respectfully accepted the pamphlet, and was actually even honored by it, because even though my beliefs do not land in that realm, i was totally blessed by the entire encounter, and the passion that he displayed.  how could i not show him the same amount of respect he had shown me?  how could i not honor the fact that while our beliefs differ, my God has called me to love everyone, and that love entails patience, kindness and more than a tiny bit of grace.

what was my one goal when i left the house last night?  get to the shop, get my car, get home and relax.  not only did God interrupt my well-laid plans, but He inserted himself both prominently and beautifully in my evening, while simultaneously reminding me of the point of life... and lemme tell you, it's not to get your vehicle and go home to lay on the couch and watch Dawson's Creek (which is much to my dismay on certain days :)).

alright.  long story for a short point, but here it is.  one-track minds are not necessarily bad, but the reality is that the blinders they may cause can be not so great.  a big thanks to a Lord that doesn't let us live in our own little bubbles, but gracefully and gently brings us into the circumstances He has created us for.

#blessed

leavin' on a jet plane

sometimes i still miss bozeman so much it hurts.

pretty much any time i hear bluegrass, hear the word montana or see someone with an odd t-shirt paired with hiking books and other too-athletic-to-be-street-wear-but-just-normal-enough-to-be-considered-"outdoorsy" items of clothing, i get extremely sad.  is it nostalgia?  is it that maybe we weren't supposed to leave when we did?  is it because we are supposed to go back someday?

i'm not sure.

one thing i do know.  bozeman, past and present, and me, past and present, is not what or who it or i used to be. i think that's something crucial, but it sounds so simple.  what we long for, yearn for, when that thing or place is in the past, is really just a perceived reality.

being back in mt ana for the wedding was awesome, seriously such a blessing to be able to celebrate with two amazing people.  but it was so bittersweet.  to remember all of the amazing things that i experienced there, to see all of the places and faces that i love, to be completely and utterly at peace.  how is it that one place can hold such a large place in your heart, especially when my time there was so short in the grand scheme of things?  for goodness sake, it's been 6 years since we came back!

shoot, where did those rose-colored glasses go? oh right, they're on my face... ahhh, perceived reality, with just a touch of hindsight.

the harsh truth is that when you've put down roots and committed to a community it's no longer about you.  a house/mortgage, family, friends, church, dog, multiple vehicles, work, etc.  some people see these things as things that tie you down, but quite a few of them are what actually set you free (the people, not the things).

i know it's really hip right now to be a nomad, a gypsy if you will, but i don't really know how i feel about that.  i mean, how much can you really pour into others if you're constantly on the move?  without your family and friends, well, really, what are you?  now don't get all up in arms, i'm not suggesting that we are absolutely nothing without the people we love, but, that's also not too far off...  yes, you can move, yes, you can re-start, create a new life (i've done it many, many times), and there is nothing wrong with that.  but it's a big step, and should only be done for the right reasons (and really big ones too, at least at this point in our lives).  how opinionated of you Kelly, how do you really feel? :)

i see too many people at this stage in life that take their community for granted - specifically, in the respect of leaving.  yes, i realize that we're still young, most of us not yet parents, many of us that can fairly freely move about the U.S. from place to place without too much hassle.  is there anything intrinsically wrong with that?  nope.  but what i do have a problem with is the lack of understanding, and sometimes responsibility, shown by some of these youngsta's.  if you've planted yourself somewhere, poured into those around you, and then you decide to leave based on your own feelings and emotions, without considering the impact on others (who likely have also spent a considerable amount of time pouring into and loving you), you are being just a little selfish.  it seems a bit un-real to me that so many christians preach community up the wazoo, and yet they will leave one so quickly, off to start a new one someplace new.  isn't the point of community to have someone who will love, uplift, challenge and stand by you as the year go by?  it goes both ways then, if you commit to a community, you don't just get to up and leave.  i mean, really, you do, you can technically do whatever you want, but i'm just sayin' somethin' like that just doesn't sit right with me.  it's like they don't preemptively consider the hole that they will leave, the impact their exit might have.

a little raw?  yeah, i know.  but i really am trying to process this from a past-leaver position, things that i wish someone would have said to me.  i would not have taken my decisions so lightly.

i am always sharing a strong feelin' on something or another, but this time i am trying to temper my passionate opinion with my personal reality in this situation.  i love bzmn so much, so very very much, and miss it, and everything it symbolizes more than i could ever possibly describe.  but in this instance, it is not a reason to leave the community that we have built, the friends and family that we cherish deeply.  maybe someday God will call us back there, but it will be for His glory then, and not due to our own wavering and unpredictable hearts, as they can often deceive us.

so, much to the chagrin of my bo-zone peps, we will continue to reside in the twin cities... to the joy of all our mn peps, we love you and are committed to you, and are not leaving :)

riding off into the sunset (on your high horse)

sometimes it's crazy how little patience and understanding i have for others.  assuming the best?  what's that? 

one of my favorite things is when God allows me to fall off of my high horse just hard enough to get a fresh perspective of someone, and how incredibly wrong my opinions/viewpoints/perceptions can be.  offbeat?  more like offbase :)

and where exactly did i buy my proverbial extra high horse?  when did i obtain that super large pedestal that i  so strongly feel needs me to stand upon it and shout my opinions from?

idk, but i'll tell you what, i definitely know when God gives me a much-needed reality check.

thanks goodness that we are all wrong more than once in a while, cuz if we weren't, well, Lord knows we would have pretty big heads :)

what's that?  i'm sorry, i couldn't hear you over my own beliefs... ;)