there are few things more excruciating to see than the heart-broken child.
yes, there are lots of stories about heart-broken parents, those who have lost a child, either figuratively or literally. you know, the eternal brokenness of truly loving parents, who only want what is best for their child... i'm not a parent, so i don't get that, but what i do get is being a kid.
and similarly, there are plenty of stories of children, who at some point have been let down by one or more parents. but to me they really seem inevitable because everyone is flawed, and it seems completely implossable that any parent could be without fault ever. so that is not what is on my heart...
what touches me tonight is the heart of a child that is broken with worry for a parent. i was privy to a very interesting convo this week that talked about families and their dynamics. now i can say, wholeheartedly, that i have been very blessed to be a part of a very strongly spiritually-based and healthy family. i have parents with an awesome marriage, a Godly focus, siblings who absolutely bless me, and who are overall, incredibly wonderful, but i know not everyone has had this experience with the familial network that they were born into. but regardless, a child's heart can be overcome, no matter what the status is of the relationship, with great concern for those who gave them life.
why?
because once you reach that age (the age in which you realize two very important things 1) that you truly do appreciate your mom and dad, and 2) that they are not going to be around forever) of realization it can destroy you.
today after discussing how my mom still texts me to make sure i'm alive after a big snow storm or heavy rain, my co-worker asked me how old my parents were. i answered and then he nodded knowingly, saying that i must not have hit the switch yet. the switch is, essentially, when you start worrying more about your parents than they do about you. of course that doesn't mean that parents start to worry less (yeah right, if only!), just that our worry increases and overtakes theirs...
after all of that, what is on my heart tonight? the switch. a mighty beast, not to be fought, but simply be aware of. we cannot control how long our dear parents will be with us, and worry should not determine how we act or think. instead, it is something that should make us treasure each moment with those who gave us life... and hold them close to our hearts.
so, hug your 'rents peps - they've earned it, and you never know how long you have left to do it!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
the rite of ma'amhood
as a 20-something, there is nothin' worse than bein called "ma'am". yes, it's true, i have a 10-year high school reunion coming up (and psyched to see old friends!), but there is something deep inside my soul that refuses to respond to the term ma'am. yeah, i'm not ashamed to admit it, i dictionary.com'd that sucker, and sure, it's short for madam, which i will definitely say sounds so deliciously european, and of course, the second meaning referring to the queen or royalty certainly doesn't hurt, but even so, it just sounds old. don't get me wrong, i'm not one to think that i am younger or hipper than i actually am. let's be honest, i am closer to 30 than 20, but i have not lost the fight yet :) as Alec Baldwin's 30 Rock character so eloquently describes it, i am certainly "keeping it tight", but i also don't fear age.
hmmmm, i guess the question is. what does the age of ma'amhood really mean? well, in my humble opinion, it has a whole lot more to do with the world of acting. i mean, not like entertainers, or People.com, more like how old you act. and let's be honest, i am pretty immature :)
yes, i do, on occasion, enjoy some yummy grape, and every single time i get carded. now, i'm not saying i look like i'm under 21, cuz let's be honest, in this crazy fashion-forward world, there are lots of 16-year-olds that could def pass for 22-plus (hello, how else do clubs survive?), but what i mean is that age is incredibly relative, based on the viewer. right?
maybe i'm wrong, but it seems to me, that how you act really shows how old you are. yeah, yeah, i know, sometimes we all (especially myself) act like 5 year old with a bad case of the tantrums, but in general, those who are mature show their true stripes when the world comes at 'em with full force. yes, we all have moment of weakness, some more than a few, but for the most part, it does seem to come out when you least expect it.
so officially becoming a ma'am...? don't think i'm really ready for the term yet, but can i swing with what it means? yes ma'am!
hmmmm, i guess the question is. what does the age of ma'amhood really mean? well, in my humble opinion, it has a whole lot more to do with the world of acting. i mean, not like entertainers, or People.com, more like how old you act. and let's be honest, i am pretty immature :)
yes, i do, on occasion, enjoy some yummy grape, and every single time i get carded. now, i'm not saying i look like i'm under 21, cuz let's be honest, in this crazy fashion-forward world, there are lots of 16-year-olds that could def pass for 22-plus (hello, how else do clubs survive?), but what i mean is that age is incredibly relative, based on the viewer. right?
maybe i'm wrong, but it seems to me, that how you act really shows how old you are. yeah, yeah, i know, sometimes we all (especially myself) act like 5 year old with a bad case of the tantrums, but in general, those who are mature show their true stripes when the world comes at 'em with full force. yes, we all have moment of weakness, some more than a few, but for the most part, it does seem to come out when you least expect it.
so officially becoming a ma'am...? don't think i'm really ready for the term yet, but can i swing with what it means? yes ma'am!
Friday, March 2, 2012
impact by default
everything we are is shaped. circles, triangles and maybe even a trapezoid thrown in for good measure.
it seems easy to believe that we are a product of ourselves, that we are somehow bigger than it all. but those we choose to let into our lives have helped us become who we are. sometimes we give credit where credit is due, especially to those who we feel indebted to, those who we recognize as helping us become better. but what about those people throughout the course of our lives who have gone unnoticed? maybe there are those who have not necessarily made us better on purpose, but by default.
i think we have a duty to honor those who have helped us become who we are, even if their effect on us could be described as negative. i realize this sounds a lil' silly, maybe not totally sane even, but this is the idea that has been rolling around my head lately: some of the people in my life who have impacted me the most, well, i don't really always think of them fondly... i mean, that's not so shocking. right? everyone has those peps in their past (and sometimes present), but what keeps nagging at me is the idea that i need to recognize that even though i may not be so incredibly ecstatic with their presence in my life, i still need to honor them as people who have helped me become who i am.
i haven't totally thought this one through, which i typically try to do 'fore spoutin' off my mouth, but this one i just can't seem to get a hold of. i can't figure out if i feel that this duty to honor is based on the belief that because we have all screwed up and made mistakes, that i need to extend grace, or if it's something deeper, more personal, somewhere along the lines of noting that most of those individuals did have a genuinely positive impact on me in some small way as well, even if that wasn't the defining characteristic of the relationship.
this one really does stump me. i'm not gonna feign super-human knowledge or try to throw down, cuz i really don't know. maybe it's just something God has laid on my heart. maybe it's a part of the forgiving and forgiven process, or it's just cuz thinking poorly of people in every aspect just makes me sad. it could be that i just want to see the best in them, or it could be that time can soften the memory of even the harshest of blows. or really, it could just be that if i believe that God is sovereign, and that while He hates to see us in pain, He does allow things to happen to us that hurt, but we need to believe that He will make something beautiful out of it (and us) in the end, and this is just a part of the process...?
i feel like i'm not much closer to an answer then when i started. but i can certainly say this: i still believe that i personally need to honor those in my life who have shaped me. those who have hurt me, well, i can't change any of that, can i? all i can do is look for what beautiful things came out of it, and that part i can control.
so, i guess, here i go - i accept that i would not be the woman that i am today without those who have touched my life. and let's face it folks, life should always be honored.
it seems easy to believe that we are a product of ourselves, that we are somehow bigger than it all. but those we choose to let into our lives have helped us become who we are. sometimes we give credit where credit is due, especially to those who we feel indebted to, those who we recognize as helping us become better. but what about those people throughout the course of our lives who have gone unnoticed? maybe there are those who have not necessarily made us better on purpose, but by default.
i think we have a duty to honor those who have helped us become who we are, even if their effect on us could be described as negative. i realize this sounds a lil' silly, maybe not totally sane even, but this is the idea that has been rolling around my head lately: some of the people in my life who have impacted me the most, well, i don't really always think of them fondly... i mean, that's not so shocking. right? everyone has those peps in their past (and sometimes present), but what keeps nagging at me is the idea that i need to recognize that even though i may not be so incredibly ecstatic with their presence in my life, i still need to honor them as people who have helped me become who i am.
i haven't totally thought this one through, which i typically try to do 'fore spoutin' off my mouth, but this one i just can't seem to get a hold of. i can't figure out if i feel that this duty to honor is based on the belief that because we have all screwed up and made mistakes, that i need to extend grace, or if it's something deeper, more personal, somewhere along the lines of noting that most of those individuals did have a genuinely positive impact on me in some small way as well, even if that wasn't the defining characteristic of the relationship.
this one really does stump me. i'm not gonna feign super-human knowledge or try to throw down, cuz i really don't know. maybe it's just something God has laid on my heart. maybe it's a part of the forgiving and forgiven process, or it's just cuz thinking poorly of people in every aspect just makes me sad. it could be that i just want to see the best in them, or it could be that time can soften the memory of even the harshest of blows. or really, it could just be that if i believe that God is sovereign, and that while He hates to see us in pain, He does allow things to happen to us that hurt, but we need to believe that He will make something beautiful out of it (and us) in the end, and this is just a part of the process...?
i feel like i'm not much closer to an answer then when i started. but i can certainly say this: i still believe that i personally need to honor those in my life who have shaped me. those who have hurt me, well, i can't change any of that, can i? all i can do is look for what beautiful things came out of it, and that part i can control.
so, i guess, here i go - i accept that i would not be the woman that i am today without those who have touched my life. and let's face it folks, life should always be honored.
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