what's love got to do with it

i kinda think that it's funny how romantic comedies always show some lovelorn woman and/or man, wistfully thinking of a lost lover, or wishing they could take back some sort of mistake they've made to lose the love of their lives...  as if tragedy proves love.  as if love without loss is meaningless.  as if heartbreak makes the circumstances truly romantic.

case and point - romeo and juliet.  right?  i mean, if they had just run away together and lived happily ever after, sure, we would have smiled, sure we would have thought "that's so sweet, i'm glad that they ended up together", but not heart-crushingly romantic.  why?  have we so ingrained the idea of heart-break that honest love is no longer romantic - without being able to pine away after someone?  or is it because we know that love can hurt sometimes, and if we see a love-story without hurt then it can't possibly be realistic, or truly the real thing.

reality bites.  and in this case, i think it takes a bite right out of these phony ideas of love.  don't get me wrong, i love a good romcom, prolly more than most really (let's face it, i live and die by classics like "when harry met sally" or "love actually", and admittedly, anything with rachel mcadams in it makes my heart happy) but what i always walk away with is the remembrance that it is all fake.  fake to its very the-guy-always-gets-the-girl core.

why?  because real love, real romance, does not thrive on pain, heartache and wistful desire.  love grows in an atmosphere of trust, respect and true intimacy - none of which can be witnessed at a price of $8.00 and 2 hours of time, spent sitting in a dark room, on a little-too-squishy seat, looking up at a too-tall screen and some unknown chick who won't stop kicking your back in her excitement during all of the good parts (and not to mention, the obligatory text-checker who just doesn't seem to understand the idea of turning your phone off in a theater).

i love love.  i really do.  but i hate what is often given the name of love, when it truly is not.

real love does not thrive from heartache.  love triangles will never end happily, because there will always be a little seed of doubt, distrust and a lingering "what if?".  a common enemy or threat does not unite you in a hopelessly romantic way. tragedy does not build the foundation of romance.  and while it's always good to have a little chase, let them romance you, make 'em work for it a lil' before you fall head over heels (that's the fun part anyway :)), it's not the heart of love.  the truth of the matter - love is when you hand every last bit of your heart over to the one and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will do everything in their power to protect it.

that's it ladies and gents... and now it's time to go watch a good chick flick :)

apology of a lifetime

i always think it's interesting listening to different folks apologies.  it's kind of a weird fascination, really.  apologies tell you so much about the person and their beliefs.

are they really sorry?
are they just apologizing because they got caught?
do they say they are sorry, or do they just re-word their actions in a sorry-sounding tone?
does it sound like they even care?
do they even have a reason to be sorry?
and possibly most enlightening...
what is the purpose of their apology?

i had a great convo t'day regarding the big A.  seems that most of all ya'll can agree on one thing - if you truly love someone you try your very best not to hurt them, and if you do hurt them, then you're the very first to apologize...

an apology does not fix what deeply committed love could have prevented.

i've known lots of peps in my day, and therefore, due purely to numbers, i've heard a lot of apologies.  don't get me wrong, i don't claim to be an expert, just an observant chick.  but lemme tell you, you can tell a lot from the words that are uttered from a seemingly sorrowful mouth.

actions do speak louder than words.  and sometimes, no matter how loud the words are, your ability to trust has been decimated.  i've had some really amazing friends in my short life, those that i would trust with my life. i would trust my amazing husband with everything i have and everything i am.  there are others though, the apologies that they offered, well, it wasn't that they didn't mean them... they meant them in the moment in which they were uttered, but they would never be lasting.  it's sad to realize that those you've loved are manipulating you, or maybe they're just lying to themselves.

the truth of the matter?  we all need to apologize.  it's a part of life... not because it should be, but because even without trying, we will hurt others.  and the person too proud to let that lil' thing called "ego" die a quick painless death, well, they just won't make it too far in their relationships.

"by the time you finally said you were sorry, i wasn't listening." #noregrets