So. When we decided to have kids, and hearing the horror stories of people with 10 year olds who still didn't sleep through the night, we knew that we needed to prioritize helping our babes learn how to sleep and rest. We knew it was it important for them to learn and grow the way that they needed to, and we knew it was important for us to be the parents that we needed to be for them.
I just want to say, before I get into the dets, that I reject this idea that has become (in my opinion) alarmingly common, that somehow being a rested mom means that you have mistreated or ignored your children. I'm not sure where this came from, but sleep is CRUCIAL for EVERY PERSON, let alone being a good mom. If we expect to be good parents, we must be taking care of ourselves. Sleep is a part of that - and teaching your kiddo to sleep is just as important - but how can you teach what you aren't modeling yourself...?
See that hierarchy? (http://www.thehappiesthome.com/mothers-hierarchy-of-needs/). See where sleep is? Yeah - basic common need. If you aren't doing this because you feel guilty, please stop. If you need me to be the bad guy, fine, I'll take the job! Blame me - I'm happy to take it! YOU NEED SLEEP! :) But truly, please stop feeling guilty. You're telling yourself (and teaching your kiddo!) that sleep isn't a vital and important need for your body and brain. Love yourself enough to get some Zzzzzzz's (and teach your kiddos the same)!
Just so that you don't think I'm all talk, here's my mom street cred, in case you were wondering:
- Axel:
- Slept through the night (8 + hours, no waking - to note, we didn't "schedule" this, they did on their own) at 7 weeks.
- Quickly moved to 10 hours a night by 3 months, plus naps.
- He still sleeps 11 hours a night and takes a daily nap for at least an hour (almost 4 years old).
- He goes to bed at 7:30/8PM, and if he wakes up before 7AM (his wake up time), he knows he has to stay in bed until we come get him.
- Arlo:
- Slept through the night (8+ hours, no waking - to note, we didn't "schedule" this, they did on their own) at 8 weeks.
- Same as Axel, moved to 10-11 hours a night by 3 to 4 months.
- At just over 2 years old, he is a 7PM to 7AM kid, and still takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoons.
- He LOVES to sleep, and you better believe he will let you know if you try to get him up too early :)
We worked very carefully with our pediatrician on all of our planning because we wanted to ensure that we weren't expecting too much too early as far as sleep goes, and we also wanted to make sure that everything we were doing was best for our kiddos.
Below is what worked for us. I do not (in any way, shape or form!) claim to be an expert in sleep by any means! We did get really "lucky" with very chill babies, BUT, now having done the same thing twice and having such consistently good sleepers through all stages of ages, from baby to preschool, I wanted to share what worked for us, and hopefully it will work for you too!
Schedule, Schedule, Schedule!
I know, this word sends shivers down every parents spine, but this is, hands down, the main reason our kids have been good sleepers. Eat at the same time every day, put down for naps the same time every day, bedtime, same time EVERY day. It's hard and comes with sacrifice, but it is SO worth it!
We read through Babywise, The Baby Whisperer, and a few other books. We also took some notes from the the Practically Perfect Baby site and The Baby Sleep Site (see below), but ultimately we sort of crafted our own "schedule". The first few weeks of their lives, we simply tracked when the boys seemed to sleep/eat, and then built a loose schedule around that. Keeping in mind, babies need to be fed on demand as newborns, so we always adjusted things as needed.
Once you get a schedule down, you can always deviate as needed, but you have to get in a rhythm first so that babes know what to expect. I've found that once you've done the same thing each day for 2 to 3 weeks, you can fairly easily deviate as needed.
Schedules are not super popular (and it took work!), but we've had our kids in three different sleeping environments on a weekly basis (our house, daycare, and with Grandma), and so finding a schedule that worked for them that could create consistency was super crucial for them in sleeping.
**Note: I have included a link below for sample schedules, and I also have our own from when we had two kiddos (trying to mesh two kiddo schedules is basically like black magic, just saying... :)), so if you're interested let me know, I can send them your way!
Sleep Routine
Since the boys were newborns we did the EXACT same routine: Go into their room, turn down the lights, turn on the sound machine, sing while we get them ready for bed, read one book, and then into bed they go, no matter what.
We did/do the same thing for naps and bedtime, because we wanted the sleep cues of the process to be the same for both, and I know this helped immensely with our boys knowing it was time to sleep. I don't think it really matters what your sleep routine is, as long as it's long enough to help your babe/kiddo unwind and you do it every single time, even (and ESPECIALLY :)) when it's inconvenient.
Sleep Training
Ok. I'm sure some of you just gasped like I said a SUPER naughty word. Let's get this straight - sleep training is NOT the same thing as Cry It Out. I would never say one parent's "way" is better than another's, to each their own, but I just didn't feel like CIO would work for us. But I do believe very strongly in sleep training - which is teaching your kids to sooth themselves and learn how to fall asleep on their own. This is where your own parental style and your kid's needs come in to play - you really need to sort out what will work for the both of you.
We never had to do formal sleep training with the boys (because we worked so hard on helping them with a sleep routine and schedule, we never got to the point of actual sleep training), so I won't claim to know much about it, but I do know that I've read a lot about how it always gets worse before it gets better with crying and fighting sleep, so don't give in! I've heard horror stories of those who push off sleep training until later because it's "too hard" and then they have 5 year olds who still won't go to sleep by themselves and have to be rocked for an hour.
What I have found is that just like we teach our children how to do all sorts of important things in life (feed themselves, dress themselves, learn their ABCs), sleep is exactly the same. Sleep is complicated for ADULTS and we actually know what we're doing, so it's important to remember that it is even harder for babes! We need to teach them what to do, how to relax themselves, how to rest, how to react when they can't fall asleep, we can't expect them to just one day "figure it out".
If you want to know about our specific sleep routine and training, let me know!
Accessories
I know a lot of people have specific sleep things that they swear by, but since we wanted the same environment multiple places, we tried to be as minimalist as possible for this.
What we've used:
- Blackout Curtains: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00R1XXFYM/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1 (we have in navy :))
- Black out curtains, and I mean PITCH BLACK! I'm talking no light comes in, tape to the wall if you have to. I know it sounds crazy, but it REALLY helps (I can tell you I did a LOT of reading about this to see if it would screw up kids natural day/night rhythms and it for sure doesn't).
- Sound Machine: https://www.amazon.com/myBaby-MYB-S200-SoundSpa-Portable/dp/B0091E31KM/ref=sr_1_5_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1472831840&sr=8-5&keywords=sound+machine
- I SWEAR by the ocean setting! I think it sounds very similar to what they hear in the womb :) This helps because 1) it helps drown out other noises, and 2) it creates a calming effect on the kiddos.
Resources:
https://www.babysleepsite.com/
http://practicallyperfectbaby.com/category/sleeping/
https://www.babycenter.com/baby-schedules
Again, I just want to say that we are FAR from perfect parents, and we are definitely not experts - I always say check with your pediatrician, they're the professionals! I just wanted to share what had worked for us in the hopes that it helps others!
Best of luck!
