Go to S-L-E-E-P!

Some people can function pretty darn well on very little sleep.  I worship those people.  Because if you've spent more than 5 minutes with me when I've not gotten a good night's rest, you know that I am decidedly NOT one of those people.  I WANT to be one of those people.  I've TRIED to be one of those people.  But alas, I never will be the "top 'o the mornin' to you!" types.

So.  When we decided to have kids, and hearing the horror stories of people with 10 year olds who still didn't sleep through the night, we knew that we needed to prioritize helping our babes learn how to sleep and rest.  We knew it was it important for them to learn and grow the way that they needed to, and we knew it was important for us to be the parents that we needed to be for them.

I just want to say, before I get into the dets, that I reject this idea that has become (in my opinion) alarmingly common, that somehow being a rested mom means that you have mistreated or ignored your children.  I'm not sure where this came from, but sleep is CRUCIAL for EVERY PERSON, let alone being a good mom.  If we expect to be good parents, we must be taking care of ourselves.  Sleep is a part of that - and teaching your kiddo to sleep is just as important - but how can you teach what you aren't modeling yourself...?

See that hierarchy? (http://www.thehappiesthome.com/mothers-hierarchy-of-needs/). See where sleep is?  Yeah - basic common need.  If you aren't doing this because you feel guilty, please stop.  If you need me to be the bad guy, fine, I'll take the job!  Blame me - I'm happy to take it!  YOU NEED SLEEP! :)  But truly, please stop feeling guilty.  You're telling yourself (and teaching your kiddo!) that sleep isn't a vital and important need for your body and brain. Love yourself enough to get some Zzzzzzz's (and teach your kiddos the same)!

Just so that you don't think I'm all talk, here's my mom street cred, in case you were wondering:

• Axel: 
• Slept through the night (8 + hours, no waking - to note, we didn't "schedule" this, they did on their own) at 7 weeks.
• Quickly moved to 10 hours a night by 3 months, plus naps. 
• He still sleeps 11 hours a night and takes a daily nap for at least an hour (almost 4 years old).  
• He goes to bed at 7:30/8PM, and if he wakes up before 7AM (his wake up time), he knows he has to stay in bed until we come get him.
• Arlo: 
• Slept through the night (8+ hours, no waking - to note, we didn't "schedule" this, they did on their own) at 8 weeks.
• Same as Axel, moved to 10-11 hours a night by 3 to 4 months. 
• At just over 2 years old, he is a 7PM to 7AM kid, and still takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoons.  
• He LOVES to sleep, and you better believe he will let you know if you try to get him up too early :)

We worked very carefully with our pediatrician on all of our planning because we wanted to ensure that we weren't expecting too much too early as far as sleep goes, and we also wanted to make sure that everything we were doing was best for our kiddos.

Below is what worked for us.  I do not (in any way, shape or form!) claim to be an expert in sleep by any means!  We did get really "lucky" with very chill babies, BUT, now having done the same thing twice and having such consistently good sleepers through all stages of ages, from baby to preschool, I wanted to share what worked for us, and hopefully it will work for you too!

Schedule, Schedule, Schedule!
I know, this word sends shivers down every parents spine, but this is, hands down, the main reason our kids have been good sleepers.  Eat at the same time every day, put down for naps the same time every day, bedtime, same time EVERY day.  It's hard and comes with sacrifice, but it is SO worth it!

We read through Babywise, The Baby Whisperer, and a few other books.  We also took some notes from the the Practically Perfect Baby site and The Baby Sleep Site (see below), but ultimately we sort of crafted our own "schedule".  The first few weeks of their lives, we simply tracked when the boys seemed to sleep/eat, and then built a loose schedule around that.  Keeping in mind, babies need to be fed on demand as newborns, so we always adjusted things as needed.

Once you get a schedule down, you can always deviate as needed, but you have to get in a rhythm first so that babes know what to expect.  I've found that once you've done the same thing each day for 2 to 3 weeks, you can fairly easily deviate as needed.

Schedules are not super popular (and it took work!), but we've had our kids in three different sleeping environments on a weekly basis (our house, daycare, and with Grandma), and so finding a schedule that worked for them that could create consistency was super crucial for them in sleeping.

**Note: I have included a link below for sample schedules, and I also have our own from when we had two kiddos (trying to mesh two kiddo schedules is basically like black magic, just saying... :)), so if you're interested let me know, I can send them your way!

Sleep Routine
Since the boys were newborns we did the EXACT same routine: Go into their room, turn down the lights, turn on the sound machine, sing while we get them ready for bed, read one book, and then into bed they go, no matter what.

We did/do the same thing for naps and bedtime, because we wanted the sleep cues of the process to be the same for both, and I know this helped immensely with our boys knowing it was time to sleep.  I don't think it really matters what your sleep routine is, as long as it's long enough to help your babe/kiddo unwind and you do it every single time, even (and ESPECIALLY :)) when it's inconvenient.

Sleep Training
Ok. I'm sure some of you just gasped like I said a SUPER naughty word.  Let's get this straight - sleep training is NOT the same thing as Cry It Out.  I would never say one parent's "way" is better than another's, to each their own, but I just didn't feel like CIO would work for us. But I do believe very strongly in sleep training - which is teaching your kids to sooth themselves and learn how to fall asleep on their own.  This is where your own parental style and your kid's needs come in to play - you really need to sort out what will work for the both of you.

We never had to do formal sleep training with the boys (because we worked so hard on helping them with a sleep routine and schedule, we never got to the point of actual sleep training), so I won't claim to know much about it, but I do know that I've read a lot about how it always gets worse before it gets better with crying and fighting sleep, so don't give in!  I've heard horror stories of those who push off sleep training until later because it's "too hard" and then they have 5 year olds who still won't go to sleep by themselves and have to be rocked for an hour.

What I have found is that just like we teach our children how to do all sorts of important things in life (feed themselves, dress themselves, learn their ABCs), sleep is exactly the same.  Sleep is complicated for ADULTS and we actually know what we're doing, so it's important to remember that it is even harder for babes!  We need to teach them what to do, how to relax themselves, how to rest, how to react when they can't fall asleep, we can't expect them to just one day "figure it out".

If you want to know about our specific sleep routine and training, let me know!

Accessories
I know a lot of people have specific sleep things that they swear by, but since we wanted the same environment multiple places, we tried to be as minimalist as possible for this.

What we've used:

• Blackout Curtains:  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00R1XXFYM/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1 (we have in navy :))
• Black out curtains, and I mean PITCH BLACK! I'm talking no light comes in, tape to the wall if you have to.  I know it sounds crazy, but it REALLY helps (I can tell you I did a LOT of reading about this to see if it would screw up kids natural day/night rhythms and it for sure doesn't).

• Sound Machine: https://www.amazon.com/myBaby-MYB-S200-SoundSpa-Portable/dp/B0091E31KM/ref=sr_1_5_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1472831840&sr=8-5&keywords=sound+machine 
• I SWEAR by the ocean setting!  I think it sounds very similar to what they hear in the womb :) This helps because 1) it helps drown out other noises, and 2) it creates a calming effect on the kiddos.

Resources:
https://www.babysleepsite.com/
http://practicallyperfectbaby.com/category/sleeping/
https://www.babycenter.com/baby-schedules

Again, I just want to say that we are FAR from perfect parents, and we are definitely not experts - I always say check with your pediatrician, they're the professionals!  I just wanted to share what had worked for us in the hopes that it helps others!

Best of luck!

A Flake's Apology

I've been pretty quiet this last year.

You may have noticed.  Or maybe, and truly, hopefully, you were too busy living your actual real life to notice.

Nonetheless, I have been.  Quiet that is.  It was a season of mess and busy, and then the beginning of putting down roots.  Last fall brought out the leaves and started our kick-off to house sale, full of projects and crazy.  The new year started, we were in full-fledged house-sale mode, constant cleaning and last minute to-do's. Spring brought a big move, a housing transition, and heavy readjustments in the form of house-sharing, horrendous commutes, and the internal chaos of temporary homelessness.  Summer ushered us into our dream home and many precious blessings, tempered with more transitions and re-learning how to navigate parenthood and family life.

And here we are. Those leaves are changing.  Falling once again.  In some ways I literally cannot believe that this has been a-year-in-the-life, it feels like a crazy blur.  Time-hop likes to remind me that I'm ridiculous when I think that Arlo was JUST born and freak me out that my "baby" will be TWO WHOLE YEARS OLD next week and we officially have no more highchairs in our home. It. Is. Glorious.

And even though I would do it all over again, because I truly, deeply, feel this is where we are meant to be, it cannot be ignored that we missed so very much.  Friends birthdays, parties, family dinners, enjoying the seasons and holidays, even the day-to-day precious moments of our babes growing up at such tender ages.  So this year, it was hard, it was a marathon, and it was right, but there is no denying the grief over the relationships affected and the strains caused.

One thing I've never been good at is consistency.  You want big, and loud, and comin' atcha like a dark horse, then I'm your girl. But the even flow of day-in and day-out, that is decidedly not my jam.

I try.  Oh my land, I try SO hard.  It's always been this way.  In high school my nickname was garnered from a friend when he heard Jack Johnson's hit "Flake".  I don't want to be that way, and I've spent exactly 34 years trying to be better.

And sometimes I am.  But it seems like in times of busy and rushing, I revert to my very worst self.  The self that turns to self-preservation mode, trying to keep everything afloat.  The self that is so consumed with trying to keep her world together that she doesn't even think to reach out to loved ones and friends to check in on their hearts, their worlds.

It's not lack of love, it's not lack of desire, it's not intentional.  It is simply a very deep character flaw.

A year later and I have so many deep hopes for this next year.  Putting down roots, building our life here, but most of all, I pray over our relationships, friends, family, new beginnings and community.  Moving from the chaos to the calm, from the reactive to the intentional, from the head to the heart.

This year I don't want to be quiet.  And I hope that you'll notice. I hope you notice because I'm right there alongside you, living your actual real life.

So this is my open letter, a recovering flake's apology: I am sorry and I will do better. I am and I will. Those are my promises.

This Is Home

The last time we chatted I told you about our hearts.  How they were tired and weary and all sorts of frustrated.  But they were soft.  Soft hearts.  I think that's the only way to get through life these days.  You can't always control what happens to you, but you can keep your heart soft, not hardened and detached.  Oh, but it can be so difficult.

Today, my heart is so joyful... We finally, finally have a home.

Someday, if you ever want to hear a very beautiful story with a very happy ending, I will tell you about how God told us a long time ago that the story of our next house would be miraculous.  And, oh my heart, it has been.  Yes, the circumstances of our new home, quite literally, is nothing short of a miracle.  But, more importantly, what has happened inside us throughout the process of finding and procuring this home, well, that's the true miracle.

Nearly a year ago, I talked about what Home meant to us, after almost losing a husband, everything had a new meaning.  And I read those words with entirely new meaning.  Now, a full year later, my heart is no less blessed by the beautiful tune of Blue October, but it is now full to overflowing with the words of This Is Home by Switchfoot.

So let me tell you, our hearts for as long as we can remember have been acreage...  It is the one thing that we felt we couldn't settle on, based on what we'd felt God has for us.  There are so very many reasons for this, but I won't delve too deeply into this just right now.  I'll just say, if you haven't house-hunted recently, just to get you up to speed, to find acreage in the Twin Cities is not only difficult (read: pert near impossible), but to try and find something that 1) wasn't one million miles away from our families and friends, 2) wasn't on a super fast country road, and 3) didn't have something reaaallly wrong with it, well, that alone is pretty much a miracle!

So, here on our 4.6 acres, in West Lakeland Township (that's right folks, we literally do not even have a city, officially "country folk"), we have neighbors with chickens, tractors, and even a few horses, and I finally feel home.

And while we've found our dream house, it has been equally important to remember that this does not define our joy.  In fact, the first few weeks here have been pretty tough, but we were deeply strengthened in our journey to get this home, and felt more prepared to undertake a bit of a hard season with adjustments and cranky children and lots and lots and looooots of unpacking.  No, seriously, why do we have so much stuff?  But really, it truly drives home the point that your circumstances do not define your joy, and we intend to continue on in hot pursuit of what God has called us to do in and with this home!

For those of you following our journey, I posted a few pictures below.  Clearly there are none of the inside because obviously it is basically a disaster zone. Some day it will be clean AND unpacked, but probably not until my children are 25 and not living in our home.  Maybe.

The front of our lovely home (I promise that the pods are gone now :))

View from the front porch (pretty much my fav place in the whole house!)




The back yard with our cute little shed/play house!




View of the back lake with a little mood/moon lighting :)




We are so very excited to call this home!  And while it isn't the "perfect house", it is just perfect for us :)

When life is messy and you don't have a house...

Seems like ages since I've sat down with coffee (read: cookie dough) to mash out a few coherent
paragraphs over here.

You haven't heard much from me because we've been walking down a hard road for the last few months.  And, me, trying to act all tough, felt that somehow I couldn't be vulnerable with you all about it.  It's funny how you look back at decisions you've made and think, "boy, that was pretty dumb".  In fact, I'd venture to say that I've approached pretty much every "big" icky thing in my life that way.

And I'm sick of it.  I'm done putting up a front.  It's time for a little much-needed honesty.

I usually wait to share something until after it's over.  You know, it's like a story, right?  You want to give a nice little intro, then into the meat of the drama, and wrap it all up with a picture perfect ending.  But, my life isn't a story.  It's a journey.  So I'm just going to jump in, feet first, and let go of appearances.

I can honestly say to you, without exaggeration, that this journey to find a home has been one of the most defining challenges of my adult life.  Which I read and think "really? That feels pretty dramatic...", but oh if you'd seen my soul for the last six months, if you could peel back my bones and see the way that my heart, my soul, and my mind have changed, you wouldn't have a second of doubt about the sincerity of that statement.  But it's been a hard, and at times, heartbreaking road.

We put our house on the market on March 2nd, and it sold in two days.  It was over our asking our price, and we were ecstatic!  Though this sounds like the beginning of our journey, it really wasn't.  We'd been working on getting our house ready with any and all "spare time" that we had as parents (what's that again??) since early September.  By the time March rolled around, we were exhausted and completely depleted emotionally and physically.  But we prayed and prayed, and our friends and family helped and helped, and miraculously, we were able to get it on the market.  So to sell in two days was a HUGE blessing!  But, we also started to feel nervous since we had some pretty specific things we were looking for in our next home and had thought it would take longer to sell our home and thus, give us longer to look for the next Lindstedt Homestead.

So, we looked.  And looked.  And looked.

Houses came and went, but nothing met what we needed, or fulfilled the very specific promises we felt that God had given to us for our next home (I'll explain more about this later).

So we looked some more.

Our friends and family scoured realty websites, and set up group chats to share options.  I spent countless hours doing drive-bys for possible houses, all the while trying to be present parents AND pack up our entire house into two big blue boxes.  If you ever want a good cry, packing up everything you own, your entire life, to place it into a box to be shipped away until who knows when, will definitely do the trick.  I think I had permanently swollen eyes the last few weeks at 613.

Still, no house.

And I will be very very honest with you right now.  I was mad at God.  Like, actually angry.  Not the kind of angry where you throw and kick and scream, but the hurt anger, the kind where you feel like you put your deepest trust in something and it just didn't pan out.  I felt alone and angry, and wondering why God had given us these promises... wondering if I'd just made them up, maybe they weren't from God after all.  Wondering why I was uprooting my poor babes who'd only knew their home as this house.  But, for the first time in my adult life, I allowed myself to be angry with God, while still asking Him to help me.  Instead of letting that anger and hurt build and separate me from Him, instead of letting that distrust fester, I brought it right back to Him.  Sometimes I only had to do it once or twice a day.  Some days it seemed like every minute I had to surrender it to Him.

Yes, it was only a house.  But it really isn't about that, is it?  It's about thinking God is telling you to do something, gives you promises and hopes for a future, and then when you step out in faith to do what He asked you to do, you fall flat on your face.  No house, no promises, no place to call home.

So.  We kept seeking a house. But now, we were equally seeking God in that.

And then moving day came.  Still no house.  Early on in our house search Ryan had shared that he had a premonition that we wouldn't find our house until we moved out of our house.  I had scoffed at him, but as I sat for one last time in our freshly cleaned and empty house, hot tears rolled down my face as I asked God to "increase my faith", because I was at my wits end.

We sold our home on April 20th, a month and a half after we listed it, 9 months since we'd started prepping it for sale.  We were incredibly blessed to be able to move in with Ryan's parents, who graciously opened their home to us and have never once made us feel like outsiders in their house.  We have been welcomed with open arms, and in a time with so much turmoil and constant change, it has been a much-needed refuge.  We will forever be grateful for the invaluable gift of a home that they've given us through this.

And here I sit, on May 15th.

Still, no house.

And as I sit here, opening up my messy life to you, I am reminded how many times the bible references heaven as our home.  And even more importantly, it makes sure to caution us that this world is NOT our home.  So, on my hardest days, I take peace in that.  Our home isn't here, our home is somewhere else. And while my home-body-loving-self is itching to set my feet in the house that we will call home, I know, even that home, will not be our true home.

It's been a long almost-month. 12 hour work days, 2+ hour commutes, children with behavior and emotional issues, exhaustion, and many lost hopes over would-be houses are just some of the hurdles that we've had over the last few weeks.  But we continue to push into God, daily, even moment by moment.  I can't remember the last time I've relied so heavily on Jesus to carry me through.  And that, that is not messy.  It's hard, and it's crazy, but it's not messy, it's beautiful.

I kept waiting to post this picture, because I had hoped so greatly to share this story with you when we were safely on the other side, but life doesn't work like that.  We need to share our journeys in the messy middle, not the picture perfect end when all of the answers have been given and we live happily ever after.

It was storming when I started writing this, raining hard, with no let up in sight.  And the clouds just cleared, the sun is starting to poke through and the birds are coming back out to sing.  I guess every rain ends...  But until then, I will praise Him in the storm.