Remember that one time when we spent New Years in the hospital...

Ryan and I had to laugh when, over Christmas, Axel got the stomach flu. Again. Making it two years in a row that our holidays have been pretty much ruined by icky sickness.  At one point during the day (probably while cleaning up puke or poop, or maybe both), I looked over at Ryn and said (somewhat) kiddingly "F@#% Christmas!"   Excuse the french, I know I know, super irreverent, and of course I didn't mean screw the reason for the season, celebrating the birth of Jesus.  I just meant, screw all of the not so great stuff that this year has brought.  Screw the fact that we weren't able to enjoy just one holiday without some major crisis or illness.  Screw all of the excitement building toward a celebration that we weren't able to have in the way that we wanted to have it.

That was Christmas.

And then there was New Years...

Just 10 short weeks ago I sat in the hospital and blogged about being there with Arlo and how important it was to remember that some people are there for much more serious reasons than we were, and to lift those people up in prayer.

Since earlier this week, we've been those people at the hospital for more serious reasons.  Weirdly prophetic I guess.

Out of nowhere on Wednesday, Ryan started to have a massive GI bleed.  Not going to get into too many details in good ol' bloggerville, not really the place or space for that sorta medical mumbo-jumbo, but the long and the short of it is that it involved lots of blood and was extremely scary.

So, five days later, here we are, still at the hospital, but (Thank God!) waiting to be released.

But as I sat here on New Years Day, waiting for more tests and procedures and all sorts of fun medical crap, I kept thinking.  I thought about all of the people here and how terrible it is to spend a holiday that celebrates new beginnings in a place where there is so much pain, and sickness, and, well, endings.  And then I thought about all of the people not in this place and how they're probably celebrating, and laughing, and eating and drinking, and how we were not doing any of that.  And also how I'd been wearing the same shirt for 3 or 4 days.  Gross.  Then I'd have a 10 second pity party for us.

And I wanted to say "F@#% New Years!"

You know why?  Screw the idea that one day is some sort of magical restart button that will fix all of our problems.  Screw being sick and discouraged and wanting some answers.  Screw the fear that just because we were spending the start of this new year in a hospital that the rest of the year was gonna suck.  Screw all of that icky bad stuff.

Okay, so after that I got my head on straight.  Instead of letting a crappy holiday begin our year, we're going to look at it like this:  New Years was just a day, like any other.  Yeah, it's 2016.  So what?  We're going to take each day and move through it with the knowledge that God is in control, we're going to make wise decisions, and most importantly, we're going to focus on how thankful we are for our seriously incredible friends and family who have literally and figuratively carried us through the past five days.  Because, you guys, oh man, we have so much to be thankful for.  Instead of 10 second pity parties about how much things have sucked recently, we're focusing on all of the amazing things we're being blessed with. Our kids are being cared for and loved on, and we are able to focus solely on getting Ryan better.  We have health insurance and jobs to help pay for medical bills.  And we had a great medical team working hard to figure out what was going on with Ryan.

So you know what I don't say?  Well I'll tell you what, I don't say "F@#% 2016".  Because I may not believe in a magical day that somehow makes everything fresh and new, but I do absolutely believe in hope for the future. And I also believe in a God that heals, and restores, and loves us so VERY much.  We are praying and believing for a freakin' spectacular year.  With no hospitals.

So, cheers to 2016 (and hopefully soon a clean shirt).  And when I say cheers what I really mean is we're still stuck in a hospital and went to bed at 8:30 on New Years Eve sans any champagne or celebratory drink besides chicken broth.  So please cheers a little extra for us! :)